what to do what to do?

So I've had Blogger open on my computer all day, I've just been trying to figure out what to write. Haha. Go figure.

Christmas was great :0) I was given a lot of coffee. Haha..Sounds like a great Christmas to me! I got two bags of my favorite coffee, and a gift card to the place that sells it. Another gift card to a different coffee place in town and a couple of K-cups to try out at my grandma's house. I'm still undecided on if I actually want a Keurig or not. All the different kinds of coffee that I have tried I haven't been a big fan of. Well truthfully I'm not a big fan of the taste of coffee...I enjoy the milk and the syrup flavor way more than I like the coffee ;) So I'm still deciding on that. Santa was gonna bring me one I'm pretty sure..but I didn't know if I wanted it or not. So I got nothing. Haha..Well from Santa anyways. I ended up with lots of little things that I needed, so that was great. A big comfy pillow, (the boomerang pillow anyone? yeah. I really like it actually), some slippers, pjs, a little massager thing, my calendar..yep..it was a nice Christmas. Until we blew all the breakers while cooking dinner..But they came back on and we were able to finish up in time. :0)

Which leads me to after Christmas. Boy oh boy, have I had the case of the lazy's! I have not wanted to do a thing. And I pretty much haven't really. Yesterday I took the recycling in. 75 pounds of paper and cardboard. For all my hard work I got 1.50. Yep good thing I don't recycle for money! Haha..I just feel better not throwing everything away. I'm just weird like that I guess..

I literally have been on my bed again all day. Except for when I had a nice bath. I've been trying to find a song to sing for my New Year's Eve party at church this year, and nothing has really jumped out at me. True to form, I'm waiting until last minute again, but even last year I found something late but I don't know this year. I guess I will see.

I've had a headache since Christmas Eve pretty much. I don't know if it's a lack of coffee that's not decaf or if it's foods that I'm eating or what? We have had some stagnant air around here lately and that could also be a cause, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Starting with water aerobics tomorrow. I've had too long of a break, and I'm really ready to get started. Doesn't help that I can't swim a week out of the month ;) But I will get used to that I suppose. It's nice to have breaks every now and then. And then I was looking for new swimsuits. I haven't been in the water much in the one I currently have but oh boy, I can tell it's starting to wear out. So I've found one I like today, I was just waiting on buying it...why I don't know lol! but I was. Probably because I'm trying to not spend so much money..but this is going to be a need with all the swimming I am going to be doing.

I'm getting back into my I want to make a list mode. Which is good and bad. Good because I like to make lists of things I want to do. Bad because once I make a list I hardly ever do anything with it. Which just happens to be my goal next year :-) To get myself to be accountable for finishing things that I start...imagine that!

I think I've just got the munchies...starting to get into the eat everything I want before I start eating healthy again. Does everyone do that. I've had no shame in eating the leftover Christmas cookies and pretzels. :) I mean I'm not stuffed completely..but I wasn't about to not eat them. And I would have had velveeta dip and chips all day today if I had a can of chili to put in it haha. I guess I will save that for another day. I'm going to be serious about a new eating lifestyle change. Going back to dairy and gluten free. Which means I'm going to be eating a lot by myself haha! I'm pretty sure every meal we make involves one or both of them. It's going to be my biggest struggle..but worth it in the end when my body feels so much better!

Well I'm off to figure out January goals. Or go back to sleep ;0) One of the two!

Wednesday weigh in Week 104

Well. I've made the decision that I will no longer be doing Wednesday Weigh ins.  In fact this is going to be my last Wednesday Weigh in because heck...who really wants to weigh themselves on Christmas morning!

The other morning I was coaching a friend, when really I was preaching to the choir like I like to do so well. She was scared about getting to her goal weight and then worried about gaining it all back. She has done amazing and really has like 2 or 3 pounds to go before hitting goal. Maintenance scares her. I spent some time telling her that the number on the scale doesn't define her. She can't live her life in fear of gaining all her weight back because that's what will happen. We go where we look. So if all she is doing is living in fear of gaining it back then that's what she will do. But if she lives her life and stays within her points and works out to maintain what she has lost, well then barring any weird medical reasons she should be fine. To LIVE. To not be obsessed over the scale and food. You know. That sort of pep talk :0)

And then I spent the next hour applying this to my life. I'm pretty sure we do the best thinking in the bathtub right? And that's where I decided it was time to be changing this blog up. I've been blogging for 2 years now. Pretty faithfully at least once a week. ;) And well I think I've gained and lost and gained and lost and somehow I think I am about 3 pounds heavier than what I started with 2 years ago. So posting my weight isn't really doing anything for me right now. Weight loss isn't really happening. And my life seems to be suffering.

So I'm taking the year off.

I went this summer without weighing myself. And I really enjoyed it. Haha..of course. I learned that I still need accountability. But it was nice to not feel like I was controlled by the number on the scale.

So my rough draft plan is to weigh myself on the 31st of December 2013, and then not weigh myself again until January 1, 2015. (WOAH. I just wrote that! That seems weird).

Now do I expect to lose weight. Oh absolutely.

But what I want to really do is shift my life around. I have spent much of my adult life OBSESSING over losing weight. I have let it control every aspect of my life on whether I do or don't do things,and  on who I think of myself as. I see the number on the scale. I see the fat girl. I see someone who at times I can't stand to be around so why should anyone else. I have become so inwardly focused on losing weight that I really haven't done much else with my life.

So that's what 2014 needs to be about. Re-prioritizing my life.

That doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgo exercising and learning how to eat healthier. Those are very much going to be goals. They just aren't going to be the focus of my life. I'm going to sit down and make some monthly goals of things that don't pertain to weight and I want to do what my blog is all about: Finishing what I start. It's more than weight. I need to learn how to get myself off of the foods that I'm allergic to. I need to figure out how to get my toenails cleared up. I need to figure out how to lower my debt so I can move out into my own apartment. I need to figure out a schedule so I can continue going to school and getting a degree.

There is more to life than weight loss. And I am going to spend my 2014 doing that. So the blog will be different in January. Opening my life up to other goals that I need to accomplish. I might be a little more boring. Or I might not...you never know ;) It's time to restart life without a scale. Without my life depending on that number. Now I might go the whole year and not lose anything. Well that would suck. Not gonna lie. But if I end up happier and mentally healthier than that would be worth it in the end. I wanna see some goals checked off my list next year. And I believe that this is the way to do it. Some things happen for a season. And there might be a season when Wednesday weigh ins come back. And that would be great. Or it might be retired for good. Who knows. I have a year to figure that out.

Can you lose weight long term and not weight yourself? I have no idea. But I'm about to find out. It's going to be an interesting year for sure. But I am looking forward to it. I'm ready for a change, and I think this will be good for me.

So stick around and see what happens? :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 103

Oh boy. I hit that number :/ I'm feeling just a little wonky this week. Slightly backed up. Maybe dehydrated. But life still presses on. I'm scheming up plans for the new year and just really trying to make it the next 7 days at work. I have 7 days of work left this year. Boy if that's not exciting I don't know what is. And my preschoolers are beyond ready for Christmas break. And so am I. Off to bed to rest my body!

Wednesday Weigh in week 102

Boy I am ready for a new week haha! I think it comes with not actually working a whole lot during the month of November..and then going to 3 straight weeks of kids every day. It's a little tiring. Then you throw in life and school and church and all that. Let's just say I stayed in bed until 6:30 this am and that's reaaaaaaallly pushing it. I was so warm and cozy in my bed however. I looked at my phone and I'm just not a big fan of this 10 degrees and feels like 2. We finally had indoor recess today. Simply because even at 25 degrees it's no fun for a preschooler to go outside. So we did indoor stuff.

Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.

Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 101

Well that was an interesting week! I felt very encouraged by the feedback that I got from some people on my post. I haven't posted my updates on facebook in a while, really because I haven't really been losing weight, and while yes, I still post....I just know it will only be a few people that read it. Yet I still get on here every Wednesday and post haha!!

Let's see. I got up early on Saturday and got all ready for my water aerobics class and got to the gym for them to tell me that the pool had flooded and classes had been cancelled until they got it fixed. Of course I got lots of good ribbing...um how does a pool flood? But I'm still proud of the fact that I got myself up and got to the gym..whether or not I got a workout in. And no I didn't have any other workout gear with me...I was in my swimsuit and flip flops...so I went home and showered and got on with my busy day ;) I mean I wasn't too horribly mad. I'm just getting myself into the routine of actually getting up and getting myself there...and I think it will all fall into place. I had to pretend to study for my test that I took this morning.

Sunday we had a Thanksgiving meal with our church after service..That's always fun :) I'm not to keen on potlucks because I don't really know what's in the things that people make and whether or not I'm allergic, but I did get some turkey and rice and jello and a roll.

Monday night I finally sat down and looked at the study guide for my college assessment test. I promptly freaked out and had all sorts of anxiety, pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows and wanting to eat everything in sight. People. Math is just never going to be my friend. Don't ask me to do geometry or trig..It's just not going to happen.

Tuesday night I did my Final Presentation in my Early Childhood Education class. Well actually I had to do 2 presentations haha..but the little one I wasn't too worried about. The lesson I learned was that I need to follow up when I send something to the Teacher to print. Needless to say our songs are going to be passed out next week...;) Now I just have to finish up my songbook to turn in next week and I am officially done with my first quarter as a college student!

Which leads me to today: My dreaded COMPASS test, haha...I mean lets be real here...I graduated in 1999. So that means I really haven't done math since oh 1997? No seriously. I barely got through Algebra. And probably with a C or something..I mean I really don't remember. But somewhere along the road of life, I dumped math out and put music in. I mean that's what everyone does right? So this pretest stuff had me so worried..I slept like crap last night..But made it to my test and even got it! (I was a walk in, so people had to not show up for me to do the test). Needless to say I came out of the test with a college level in Reading and Writing. And I got into Math 84. Which is not college level ;) But the Math class that I needed to make it into. Luckily I have friends that are good at math..and we will probably be setting up some tutoring dates in the near future when I get into my Math class...I'm hoping it will be offered over the summer...that would be a good time while I'm not working to be able to do that...anyways..I'm so glad it's over with and now I can get registered for some more ECE classes...after I fill out my FASFA again and get some financial aid! Cause I can't pay for college myself! Haha!!

I'm still hovering right around the same weight..I'm suspecting it's the sodium and milk. I got pretty busy last week and only got one workout in. And this week, well I'm just not going to be doing any workouts in the pool...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I'm super glad the pool is back up and I will be in class for sure on Monday night...not so sure about Saturday.

I do know that Thanksgiving is not super tempting for me..Never really has been. Let's see..I will eat turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and some jello. Well I did buy a dulche de leche cheesecake thing to make..That just might put me over the edge! Haha..but I've never been into all the sides and stuff..I don't even like gravy! I'm not a big overeater on Thanksgiving..I don't even like pumpkin pie! And I'm not big on fruit pies either. And once the peanut butter and chocolate went away, well what do you know...Christmas is another story however...I will devour those almond bark covered pretzels like nobody's business..

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday weigh in week 100

Wow. 100 weeks makes it seem so long. I feel like I've been doing this for a long time. Haha..But then again I have. Almost two years. Scary to think that I am back to my highest weight again after two years. It makes me want to get all sad and melancholy just thinking about it. But I'm not going to. :0)

I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.

But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.

And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.

But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.

I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.

I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird.  But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish)  people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)

The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...

So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.

But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...

Wednesday weigh in week 99

Wow...I've been at this for 99 weeks. Scary LOL! I wish I could say I've made my goal and all that jazz..but I haven't. It's a learning process for sure.

In great news! I made it to a water aerobics class finally. I learned that I don't want to eat dinner beforehand however. It's called Water cardio and it lives up to its name. I also learned I need to scoot down and not be in the shallow shallow end. It still hurt my knee some..so I got some tips from the instructor. Somehow telling the instructor and all the other people there that it's my plan to come every Monday night should help me get there right? Right. But I was secretly excited. She came by to show me how to do stuff and I had caught on pretty quick. She kept telling me I was a pro for it being my first time. I guess most new first timers struggle a bit. But I literally just jumped on in. And I was definitely sore from it yesterday. My goal is to be there Mondays and probably Saturday mornings. Who knew Saturdays had mornings right? ;0) Haha...But I joined the gym to be able to use the pool. And that's what I plan on doing. Speaking of that. I am going to sit down this week and make up a workout plan for the next 90 days. I will take a picture and post it before next week so you can see it. See now I have told you, and you will keep me accountable to that too :0)

In not great news I gained 1.2 pounds back. Not surprised with the way my tummy has been feeling lately...I think I'm a little ahem backed up. Makes all the difference in the world ;) Sad. but true.

This week has been an odd work week. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday I only worked half day. Tomorrow I work a half day and I'm taking Friday off. It was supposed to be our conference week, however my teacher has just gotten off jury duty. So now we have 19 conferences to reschedule, and not a whole lot of work to be done this week. But after the craziness of last week it was nice this week to have a break. I can't complain too much. I mean we do have Thanksgiving and Christmas Break coming up soon. I only work 15 days in December. Then we get two weeks off. So we really don't have a lot of time with the kids in the next 6 weeks. We only have 6 more days with them in November. SO yeah.. 21 days with the kids for the rest of the year. CRAZY! This year has gone by so so fast. Rather scary.

Wednesday weigh in week 98

Wednesday: No Excuses!!

Thursday: Massive sore throat/headcold/fever and taking Nyquil and Sudafed for the next 6 straight days.

Well that pretty much sums up my week, along with TOM. Yep. Hows that for no excuses?!? Hahahaa. Life is funny guys..so funny. I managed to go to bed without the nyquil last night but I'm still stuffy and took sudafed once today. And to top that all off my co-worker was also sick and could either one of us take a day off? Oh no. You know why? Because our teacher is serving on a jury for the next two weeks. Well this week and next week. Meaning we don't get to take time off. Haha. Good thing next week is conferences and we don't have kids. This has been the longest. week. ever. One more day with kids and then we are done. Whew. Some weeks I don't know how I get by. Oh yes I do. Coffee. :0) I was halfway good this week and had soy most of the time. I have thrown some milk in there in my iced coffees.

All in all I managed to lose 1.8 pounds this week. I mean really I'm an expert at losing and gaining the same two pounds. I mean yeah. I'm feeling quite sassy right now haha..I should really just shut my mouth and go to bed.

Well Katie officially freaked me out today in her post. She mentioned there was 11 1/2 weeks until her birthday and she was thinking of doing her virtual 5k again. Well my birthday just happens to be 3 days after hers. So my birthday is in 12 weeks roughly from today. C-R-A-P. Please Jesus I don't want to turn 33 weighing over 200 pounds. But losing 47 pounds in 12 weeks. Is that realistic? Nope. I don't think I can really justify or figure out how to lose 4 pounds a week. That's just not healthy. I really need to do a lot of reflecting soon on why I eat the way I do and what to help combat that. I'm also going to come up with a plan for going to the gym. I told a friend who is thinking of doing p90x for the 90 day challenge that I would make up my own challenge and do a 90 day thing with her. My birthday is in 82 days from today. So I wouldn't even be done with a challenge by then. But it's going to be good to come up with something. Oh geez. That makes me want to do it right now haha..But right now I need to be getting my little self in bed. I have one more day with kids this week...I can do this haha!!

At any rate. I'm getting back in the game. Mentally and physically. One of these days I'm going to make it to the water aerobics class. Which is part of the whole reason that I signed up for the gym in the first place! Haha..gotta make it happen :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 97

So I should have no excuses now. I made it to the gym and the trainer showed me how to properly use the machines and what to do. Now I just have things like pms or tiredness or busyness or a bum knee to entertain me haha. 

But I did make it to the gym twice last week. That's an improvement. But eating hasn't changed much yet so weight is still about the same. Only .4 heavier. But that time is coming ;) 

Wednesday weigh in week 96

Well I knew that magic wasn't going to last forever LOL!. The scale was back up today. I was actually quite frustrated because each time I weighed myself it said something different. So I said forget it and went back to bed! Literally. I called in sick today. After something to do every day and night for the last two weeks my body just couldn't take it anymore. I have been feeling crappy for the last several days. And I just stayed home and rested today. I did finally get the scale to say the same thing twice so that's what I went with. It was nice to have nothing to do today, but I will be back at the grind tomorrow. One of these days I'm going to make it to the gym that I joined that I haven't gone to yet! Haha. I did notice that it hasn't come out of my account yet either...so at least I didn't lose out on any money ;) My goal is to go at least 3 times a week. It's only 21 a month. So that doesn't seem all that bad to start out with. Bare minimum I want to at least go and sit in the hot tub tomorrow night! That's part of the reason I joined the gym in the first place!

But for me? I'm back to bed. I never did nap today so I'm ready to actually go back to sleep...and hopefully this time my brain will shut off enough and let me do it!

Wednesday weigh in week 95

I'm sorry this is going to be short. I have just been incredibly busy with something every night. I somehow lost 2.2 pounds. I'm shocked. And that's pretty much all I'm going to say right now :-)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 94

Oh it's that pesky time of the month. You know...the time where you join the gym on Saturday and then can't make it to water aerobics on Monday. The one that causes you to gain a pound. Yeah. It's that time of the month. But luckily it was only a pound. Haha...

I swear the week just tends to fly by. And before I know it it's Wednesday again. And I haven't done any sort of weight loss attempt at all ;) LOL!

I'm looking forward to making a routine for the gym. To have set nights or times and just go. And having pool time. Haha...Maybe I'm just weird like that. I'm more excited about having a gym with a pool than I am about working out on the machines. Although I am excited about the machines too. I need to go back and get an appointment made for someone to show me how to use all the machines in the gym. That way I know what I need to be doing for each of them and I don't avoid machines because I don't know what the do. Needless to say I'm a little bit excited. :)

We made some yummy chicken alfredo tonight. Yes. It's out of a box. And yes it has milk and cheese in it. Did I mention it was yummy? And cheap. And I wanted to try it? And it has Velveeta? Yah yah yah. All those things I shouldn't have. Such is life. Dairy is a hard hard thing to get rid of completely. But not as hard as garlic :(

Sorry it's super short, It's late and I reaaallly need to get to bed.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 93

Well, I made it!

And my hunch was correct. I didn't lose anything this summer. In fact I gained about 4 pounds. I'm just glad that it was only 4 pounds. It does however put me back to only 3 pounds from my highest weight :( That's a little on the discouraging side. On the non discouraging side I am excited that I was able to break free from the scale for a while. I mean really I know I would have spiraled more had I noticed that I was gaining weight. But then again when I was doing so well working out in August I wonder if I did lose weight and that might have helped spur me on if I had seen the number dropping.

So here we go round the mullbury bush again. It's October now. And I would still like to set a weight loss goal for before my birthday in January. But first my goal is to kick my two coffees a day back to one, except maybe once or twice a week. And to get to the gym to join! That's my goal. I am definitely ready to get in the pool for some laps and to learn about the new gym I am going to sign up for.

Ignore the gross toes. I'm trying to work on that, and covering them up with toenail polish isn't doing them any good. Now that it's sock season no one has to see my gross toes. I'm hoping that I will get them cleared up by next summer!!

Wednesday Weigh in week 91 snd 92

No excuse.

Oh well. So I didn't come up with any recipes. And honestly not weighing myself has really thrown off my wednesday posts.  But next week I will be having a weigh in! My no scale summer ends on Monday. And then I will be resuming my weekly weigh ins. I'm actually pretty dang proud of myself. I really only "weighed" myself once this summer. And that was while I was at the beach on a scale at the museum telling you what you weighed on all the planets. So I mean I really didn't look too long and hard at it. But what I can say is that I don't feel like I have lost anything. I'm still in the same size of clothes and nothing feels different. So it's a double edged experience. Yeah for not being addicted to the scale. Boo for not feeling like I lost anything. But I will find out for sure on MONDAY when I weigh myself. I am pretty proud of myself for not weighing in. There were a few times this summer that I actually wanted to. But I held off. And I mean it's not like I hid my scale or anything. It's in the same spot in my room that it always is. And I haven't gotten on my sister's scale, which is just out in her bathroom when I have been taking care of her dogs while she has been gone. I just simply haven't done it. It's a bit of a self discipline lesson. I mean. Once I set my mind to some things I can be as stubborn as can be. I haven't quite figured that out with food though. I cave. All. the. time.

I'm toying with the idea of joining a gym. Me who hasn't worked out in weeks. Haha..But it's really only 21.00 a month. And get this...it has a pool and a hot tub! Um. Why wouldn't I do that? Especially for that cheap a month. I would be ok with only going 3 times a week for that price. It's not bad at all. It's a little further away, but it has a water aerobics class I can do one evening a week, and then I can do weights and stuff. I think both of my coworkers are going to join too, so it will be kind of fun :0) I'm a little excited at the thought of going back to a gym. Especially with a pool and hot tub!

And I officially started my first college class ever last night. Yeah I'm a late starter considering I'm 32 and everything..but I needed it for my job, so it's a continuing education of sorts. I'm taking an Early Childhood Education class. Music and Movement. I'm basically going to use it to see if I want to go back for the whole degree...It's gonna be interesting!

Oh and Stephanie :-) if you see this. I decided to join you in the redhead movement ;)

Wednesday weigh in Week 89 and 90

Yeah I'm a slacker.

Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.

Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.

And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.

It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.

So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.

I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?

You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.

But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.

So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.

So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.

But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.

But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.

It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?

Wednesday Weigh in Week 88

Lots can happen in a week.

So I pretty much haven't worked out since last Wednesday. I have been trying my best not to get sick. And with two people on antibiotics in my house, that hasn't been easy. And I have just been tired. Plain and simple. Or my head hurts or my back hurts. Or both. I have been going to bed super early. And sleeping in. And now it's back to work. So I'm really needing to find a balance of working out and life. Oh and I got registered for my first college class ever. So yeah.

But now sitting here, my head is pounding and I've been up since 4:30 this morning. SO good night all! Here's to a new week!

Wednesday weigh in week 87

Once again I almost forgot to post! We are getting full swing into back to school so my summer break is so rapidly coming to an end! 

Just real quick. Today I did a 60 second plank!! And not on my elbows either! In like full push up mode. Holy. Crap. I really surprise myself sometimes. I have finished every workout so far this month. Even working out at 11 at night to get it done. I don't feel like I see much change however. But I'm not giving up on it. In September however I am going to schedule myself full rest days. Because I'm getting really weary of having something to do every day. My body is ready for a break! Only a week and a half left!!

Here's my update Steph! I'm quite proud of myself haha

Wednesday Weigh in Week 86

Do you ever have days where you just wake up just feeling smaller? I mean I know they are rare, and far and few in between hahaha!

But today was one of those days! I woke up and just felt different. So I grabbed my tape measurer and sure enough. My meausrements around my belly button was -1 inch! Maybe all these workouts are starting to actually do something ;) I mean I have no idea weight wise what I weigh. I'm gonna go with close to the same because my pants aren't really much looser. Or anything like that. I'm not tugging to keep my pants up or anything. But I've noticed with all the squats that my hips feel a bit better and my stomach was feeling better today :0) So I guess the patience is just waiting for the weight to come off. I have now worked out for 14 days in a row! I mean, I guess I'm not exactly eating all my workouts back, but I figure I should be seeing some sort of results by now right?

That would be my guess. As of tomorrow, I will be halfway(ish) done with my workouts for the month. That's good, cause I'm getting kind of tired of them! Haha. I have already decided what I will do differently next month. I'm not gonna try to do it all the same day. I'm going to have to break things up. I mean, in the summer I will have time to do 2 hour workouts, but not so much during the school year. There is just more going on. I want to be able to scale it down to an hour, so I can do it all in the morning and still have time to get me and the boys ready for school.

Which starts 2 weeks from today! Geesh. That summer break went fast. I thoroughly enjoyed not doing a whole lot at all! And now I have the next two weeks to get my behind in gear and get stuff done. Oh the life of a procrastinator ;)

Oh...so I did a 45 second plank today! I'm quite shocked that I'm doing this. Now granted my butt is probably too high in the air still, but I feel like my back is pretty straight? So yeah. I'm still working on that. But I'm doing it! That's halfway to the 90 seconds that it wants you to do after 30 days. So I'm feeling pretty good about being able to do 45 seconds. Even if I'm doing it "wrong" ;)

It's a non scale vicotry kind of day :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 85

Well my computer wasn't working at the time so I decided to use my phone. Needless to say this post is going to be pretty short ;-)

I have done one week of my August workout challenge. 

Yeah. 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. 

Either that or I might lose 10 or 15 pounds this month lol!

I think I will go for the latter. That's the goal anyway. I mean whose bright idea was it to do 200 squats all the time? 

Oh yeah. That would be me. 

Everything else seems to be going great. I'm still a little concerned that I might be doing the crunches wrong. But I have completely surprised myself with the fact that as of this morning I can do a 30 second plank. Oh. My. Goodness. That's huge! I mean who do I think I am? Hahaha. I have to repeat it tomorrow so I will see how it goes. I barely made it to 30 seconds this morning. But I knew even if I couldn't get to 90 seconds like the goal is, that I will go for as long as possible each day. 

So. I have been sweating like crazy and making sure I get my workouts in. Week one is done and now and I am on to week two. 

I found a little program that I can watermark my pictures. I got a little weirded out by a comment on a picture once and haven't posted a lot. So I might be silly copyrighting my picture but there you go. 

So this is the August workout. From Hell. Haha. That I created for myself! 

Wednesday Weigh in Week 84

Wednesday just seems to sneak up on me, but here we are again.

I'm feeling pretty good about finishing my squat challenge yesterday. And then I got a bill paid off on top of that. So it was a pretty dang good day yesterday. I even was noticing some changes in my body yesterday. In the squatting area. Haha. That's the best way that I can explain it I guess. But needless to say it's encouraging to me. Even though it took a month of squats to do it. Haha. But I will be continuing on with the squats. And then some, so I will be excited to see what the end of August is going on with my body without stepping on the scale. :)

My sister and I went mall walking last night. Haha..I have discovered why I'm not a big fan of going to the mall. I'm always trying to walk around people, they tend to walk so slow. Of course I'm not there to shop. I'm there to walk. So trying to walk around people and keep up with my sister who has longer legs than me was interesting. Of course I was only there because that's where she wanted to walk. I'm totally ok with walking outside. But at any rate we went walking for about 45 minutes and I was a little irritated that I didn't bring my water, because I was feeling it.

I'm going to need to figure out my workouts for August, because realistically I don't think that I can get the whole workout done at one time with my schedule. So I might have to break up the cardio and strength stuff just due to my time. So I will just have to try it out and see I guess.

But I am encouraged where the squat challenge took me. It took me all month to notice the change so I guess I will see what August brings.

Can't believe it's the last day of July! The year is halfway over already! How come everything seems to fly so fast?

30 day squat challenge FINISHED!

I finished it!

I did my 200 squats this morning, and finished my 30 day challenge!

That makes me super happy right now. Haha.

I came up with a new plan for August, and I will be starting that on Thursday. And I am going to be tormenting myself once again haha..I combined a couple of new 30 day challenges. One of them is a plank challenge. Now I know fully well that I probably won't be able to finish that one. But I really am going to do it to see how long I can get myself to do a plank. And then I will probably redo it again in September. But it's a start. And the other challenge is a crunch challenge. And it works up to 135 crunches again. And then because I'm a glutton for punishment I decided to keep doing my 200 squats. And then I added and arm workout and then cardio 5 days a week. I think that is enough of a challenge for me :) August is the last month that I can really work out as much as I want to lol. Before I will have to scale back when I go back to school. Haha..

That's my news for today! I finished my challenge! :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 83

Oh hey, looks it's WEDNESDAY and I am posting! Haha. I will have to set a reminder or something for the summer to remember to post, since I'm not weighing in.

I guess I don't really have too much to report since I only posted on Monday. I'm still plugging away with my squat challenge. I'm getting super excited about almost finishing this. Haha. And today ended up being a rest day, so I didn't have to wake up to do any squats. Tomorrow, however, I have to do 175. And really that's technically over 200 because of the double squatting! LOL! And I really prefer just to do them in the morning and my yoga, simply so they are out of the way. I had waiting on Monday to do them when we got back from the beach and it was almost 10 at night before I finished with everything. Geesh. I'm not planning on doing that again. Done, out of the way and showered. That's how I prefer to do them!

I think I'm getting antsy about not weighing in however. I reallly wanted to weigh in this morning, and that's kind of weird. Haha. I guess cheating at the beach was a bad thing. Although with the way I've been eating, I don't really want to know the last couple of days. But then again, I kind of do.

I went shopping for some shirts yesterday and came home empty handed. I didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't completely in love with the shirt. Which I suppose is good for me? I mean yeah, I'm trying to watch my money, but it's so dang hot right now, that I am looking for some more tanks and I'm not finding them. And I fall back into the mentality of 'but I am going to lose weight and I won't even be using this shirt next year.' So I walked away. I wasn't entirely happy with the shirts that I could have gotten and I didn't want to go up any bigger in size. I ended up getting some bras that were the same size even though I should have gone up a band size, but they didn't have any. So um any waist whittling exercises that work quickly anyone? Haha. 

I'm thinking for August that I'm going to come up with my own challenge. I really liked the idea of having a workout set up and just doing it. And that the squat thing was so simple. So I'm gonna go explore pinterest a bit and see if I can come up with something to do. Something that incorporates more working out, and not just squats ;) Although I am surprised that I don't actually mind them. Of course the ones with the kicks I kind of mind haha. But only cause I have to do more. And I will see what comes of 200 squats every time would do. I mean it takes me about 20 minutes to do them without an additional workout. Oy. I can see how people easily can do 2 hour workouts LOL. I just have to find a way to do it and do it in the heat. Maybe I will have to do an am/pm kind of thing. I will have to see.

So I guess I'm off to figure something out :0)

Wednesday Weigh in week 82/30 day Squat challenge week 3

I realized that when I was heading to vacation that I hadn't posted my Wednesday weigh in post AGAIN last week. This no scale thing is throwing me off. Starting to feel like a broken record. Still need to reign in the eating, but still doing the challenge ;)

30 day squat challenge is going surprisingly well! I have finished them every day! The most I have done a day is 150. Tomorrow will be 160. And to think next Tuesday will be 200! I'm almost done with the challenge and that's kind of what excites me the most. Starting it and FINISHING it! And to say that I've done 200 squats today would be something else too ;) I have noticed that my knees are feeling better. Especially going up and down stairs. I even did my squats while we were on vacation. Ok. Nothing like hiding out from 21 of your closest family members and working out ;) Plus we did a lot of walking while we were there. So I felt pretty good. And I think with doing the challenge that I was able to walk better. My knees and my legs weren't bothering me as much. And let me tell you, there were a lot of hills/stairs in this town.

I did some crazy things this week. Haha. One of them was that we went on a whale watching adventure while we were there. Now I've gone to this town so many times and I don't think I've ever gone out on the boat before. So we paid our money, got on the boat and away we went. We were told up front was the best place so obviously my friend and I went there ;) Well for an hour it was all fun. We actually saw a whale several times! And had the coolest tour guide. Well he told us that when we turned around that we up front were going to get pretty wet. Most everyone left and went to the back. Do you think we went back. Uh no. My friend and I got COMPLETELY drenched. I'm talking head to toe soaked. We screamed and laughed the whole way back. And then felt like I had gained 10 pounds because of my jeans being soaked. Needless to say we had to go back to the house to change before we went out and did anything else :0)

And then we ended up at Ripley's Believe it or not. Where believe it or not, I cheated on my no scale summer. Yeah. I'm just gonna go ahead and admit it. I could have covered the part where it said what I weighed on the earth. But I glanced over. Needless to say I weigh 90 pounds on the moon and about 12 pounds on Pluto. Which doesn't even count because it's not a planet anymore. But whatever. I do have to say I was a little disappointed. You know how you automatically start justifying in your head. Well I have to take off 2 pounds just for clothes and oh jeez, this is a heavy sweatshirt because it's only 60 degrees here and blah blah blah. And it was in the middle of the day and yada yada yada. So so far I haven't gone down a whole lot. BUT the number was lower than the last time I weighed in. So that's at least a bonus!

Needless to say, we just got back from vacation a few hours ago, and I'm not ready to go back to the real world. But I have to. I have to say I have a little fear about posting my pictures on my blog. I need to figure out a little watermark thing before I'm gonna do that, but I do want to post some soon. Goals goals goals :0)

Wednesday weigh in Week 81/30 day squat challenge week 2

Wow, I think I almost fell off the face of the earth ;)

Wednesday was super busy and I just ended up not being able to post, as well as thursday and friday, and well you get the point ;)

Still not up to par with my food. But not necessarily completely over doing it? I still don't "feel" like I look like I have lost weight however. Which is a little discouraging. But I really just need to really get into gear besides the challenge and get some workouts done.

That being said!! I finished week 2 of the 30 day squat challenge. Wow. Today I did 125 squats. And yes by the end of them, I was not squatting down all the way! Haha. But so far my legs feel good. I'm really attributing this to the yoga stretches I do afterwards. There are days that my knee feels swollen from what I am doing, but after those first 3 days of doing the squats I have yet to be sore. Which I'm surely pleased about! I mean let's be honest. Who wants to be sore after a workout? Haha

The challenge this week is going to be getting my squats in while I'm on vacation. Yes. The Beach is calling my name. Along with 20 other members of my family ;) In one house. I mean let's just all be crazy together! You agree? Sweet! We are going to be there for 4 nights. So I have 2-3 days of doing my squats while I am there. I will have one rest day. And I will probably do the one at home when we get home that last day. So really I guess that only leaves 2 days. Which I'm sure is do able. I mean what's doing 140 and 150 squats in front of your family like? Now I just have to figure out if I want to actually take my yoga mat down there, or just do my stretches on the floor ;)

But for now, my happy place is calling my name. I know because I've already started packing. And that my dear friends is a miracle in and of itself!

30 day Squat Challenge week One

Woo-hoo! Week one done for my squat challenge. I did *drum roll* 345 squats this week. I did them every day and even had a rest day. I like this because it's 3 days on 1 day off. It seems very manageable. But the weird thing is. After the 3rd day, my legs weren't sore any more. Um. Is that right? Does it only take that long? I'm either doing them completely wrong, or I'm doing some serious stretching right ;)

The good thing is I also did my Yoga stretching video every time I did the squats. First I was starting off doing it before, to get my legs warmed up before I did the squats. Then the last couple of days I have done it afterwards. But it's a nice addition I think to my challenge. Only 3 more weeks to go.

Yes I took my yoga mat to my friends' house when I went to Portland on a quick road trip. I did my squats and yoga in her living room! And I plan to do the same when I go to the coast next week. Going to be a little trickier to do it privately with 21 family members in the house. But I will find a dark corner somewhere ;)

I had a somewhat little non-scale victory this week :) I think for the first time in my life, I walked away from homemade ice cream on the 4th of July. In fact I wasn't overly "horrible" with my eating that day. All in all I ended up with 12 cups of water, a shaved ice, and 2 homemade coffees--meaning no milk :) Well and food too. But I didn't overeat while I was eating. And truly the only reason I walked away from the ice cream was because I wanted to be at home before the fireworks show started. Because the fireworks show in my new town just happens to be right up the street, all I had to do was go stand in my backyard. Perfect view. Kinda nice ;)

So here's to week 2 of the challenge. 415 squats this week. Sounds kinda scary when I look at it that way! Haha..I just realized it makes no sense for me to get to 200 squats the first time and then not keep doing them for a week. Maybe I will have to add a week of 200 a day challenge just to keep it up!

Have you ever done any crazy challenges?

Wednesday Weigh in Week 80

80 weeks. Wow. I'm just gonna say that I really thought I was going to be done by now. I was gonna be at my goal weight. And life would be great. Fast forward to my life. Haha..yeah right..

Anyways. So here we are Wednesday again. I really almost forgot that it was "weigh in" day. And that I should be posting. I guess I posted yesterday, so wow..2 posts in a row.

I am on day 3 of my 30 day squat challenge. I am super glad tomorrow is a rest day. I think I can mentally handle 3 days in a row of squats if I get one day off ;) Today I did 60 squats. And so far, only the front of my legs are sore. So I'm pretty happy that my back isn't injured and life seems better.

I am slowly getting off of dairy and gluten again. At least backing down of what I was doing daily. So that's a start. And I even threw in a couple of fruits this week. Yah. Haha..

Not much else going on for me. I am going on a mini road trip to pick up a friend on Saturday :0) Just a quick overnight trip, and I am considering going tomorrow for a free concert an hour away. Either that or I am going to have a vegging 4th of July. I have a couple of options of things to do but I haven't decided yet :)

Happy 4th of July everyone!

30 day Squat Challenge

Oy. I think sometimes I'm a little bit on the loony side. Me? Take on a 30 day squat challenge? I. HATE. squats. As in like, generally refuse to do them. So naturally as I'm dinking around pinning things on Pinterest I came across this challenge: 30 Day Squat Challenge

The thing I liked about this thing is you aren't doing the basic squat 200 times. I mean how boring is that? I like that it's 5 different kinds of squats that you do in a rotation and work your way up to 200. Ahem. I mean over 200. Because naturally you will see in 2 of those squats you add a back kick and a side kick and you have to do 2 squats to equal one rep. Sneaky little FitSugar ;) AND the fact that you have a rest day every 4th day. So you do squats for 3 days and have a rest day. Nice.

So yesterday was Day One. I lined up my yoga mat and did my favorite 20 minute yoga stretching youtube video. Not gonna lie, it's the only yoga I do, then I watched FitSugar's instruction clip on how to do a squat correctly. Now honestly to me, this was the best instruction on how to do a squat that I have seen and it helped me greatly. I'm pretty sure that if I do a squat like that every time I'm not going to hurt myself :) You can watch it in the clip on the challenge page. It's in the basic squat section.

 And then I did my 30 squats for the day. Huffing and puffing, and not sure I did it right but decided that today I'm gonna need water. Haha. And I'm not really setting a time limit on anything. It's not like I am trying to hurry these. So if it takes me an hour, it takes me an hour. The point is to do it.

So why would I take on a challenge to do something I hate? Good Question! I have no idea. Well I suppose I have a little idea. I wanted a challenge so I could complete something. And now I'm smacking my head and my poor thighs for picking this one. But I need to get myself back on track with working out and I thought a challenge would be an excellent way to do that. And I can do this pretty much anywhere. And since I am going out of town twice in July I don't have to pack anything up to take with me. (Well except for my yoga mat, I think I'm gonna take that!) And by the end of it hopefully my knees and ankles will be a bit stronger and can handle more walking or running. That's really what I was looking for, something to strengthen my knees and ankles. And then I realized today that duh, July has 31 days in it. So by the end of the month I will be ecstatically done!!

And by then maybe I will have a nice little strength training routine come up with and I will continue to do squats on a regular basis. Maybe not 200 a day? Or every other day or whatever? But who knows? Maybe I will come up with a crazy LOVE for squats.

Other than that, I am still trying to reign it in. My no scale summer is a slow go. No I still haven't weighed myself but I haven't been 100% on track either. Last weekend was a busy full of coffee weekend, and no it wasn't soy. So by Sunday morning my heart literally hurt from all the caffeine I had. Because in any of that did I mention the word decaf at all? Nope. And I have learned my lesson once again and the word decaf will roll off of my tongue once again when I order coffee.  And I am going to take July to also ween myself off of dairy and gluten once again. If I can't go completely gluten free I will at least go mostly gluten free. At least 2 meals a day. But the goal is to go completely free by the time I am back to school. It just means a lot of separate cooking.

And I have heard the best way to get rid of stiff sore muscles is to go and workout again. :0) So that's the plan. Gonna hit day two of challenge here shortly. 50 squats, here I come!

What's your favorite challenge that you have done? Exercise or food wise? I wanna know!

Wednesday Weigh in Week 79

Well, I am here to say that week one of do not weigh myself and not stress about weigh in came and went...and I don't think it went very well?

But then again, I am my own worst critic.

On the bright side of it all, I did manage to get a workout in! Oh man. I'm pretty sure it's the first time that I have worked out in the last 3 months maybe? I don't know. At any rate, I got my garmin all charged up, and my new running shoes on, and I went for a walk around my block. Haha..So the area that we just moved into, is kind of like a huge rectangle. So I walked the huge rectangle, expecting it to be around 3 miles. Well I was close..it ended up being 2.5 miles. Which still isn't horrible. I was hoping for 3 miles. For some reason in my head 3 miles seems like a minimum workout to me? Like if I don't get 3 miles in it's not worth it?

I'm weird..I know.

I let emotional eating get the best of me this week. I seriously need to buckle down, for my body and for my credit card's sake ;) I'm getting pretty determined to go all hard core on my diet again and seriously cut the dairy and gluten out. And eggs when at all possible. I mean I know eggs are baked into things. But if I can avoid most of that too, I will be doing good. I have been really hesitant pinning things on Pinterest because it's just a lot of dang work. It requires separate meals from my entire family. They have no desire to go gluten free. Nor do they need to. I don't really need to per se, but if I think about the blood type diet, gluten isn't good for my blood type. And I need to find an easy breakfast solution. Cinnamon sugar toast just ain't cutting it anymore. But a no gluten, no dairy, and no egg breakfast that's easy to make? Umm, I really have no desire to eat oatmeal every day. I did that once for a challenge and I really haven't touched the stuff again.

But back before I even knew I was allergic to all that stuff, and I cut it out at the beginning of the year because I thought I had Candida. I dropped almost 25 pounds in 3 months! So if I can wrap my head around that and remember those things. Yes, making and buying my own food is going to be hard. But if in the next half a year, since that's what I have left this year. But if I could lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months that would be amazing! And really it's quite do-able. So yeah. That's what I NEED to be doing.

So I'm thinking about being very stupid and starting a squat challenge next month. It's something I pinned that takes you in a month ending up doing 200 squats a month. Um yeah. I hate squats. But I want strong knees. And a strong backside really helps with running :0) So basically there are 5 squats that it has you do and you end up doing so many of them a day. In the end you do 10 reps of all 5 squats 4 times and that's your 200 squats a day. Sounds interesting enough. But can I do it? 3 days of squats and then a day of rest. And then it just repeats itself. I don't know if my back can handle it or not, or even my knees. I guess I don't have to go very deep if I can't handle it. But I'm really in the mood to start a challenge and finish it! Dang it. And I kind of liked this one? Oddly enough...for me who hates squats ;)

So in a way, I'm glad I didn't weigh myself today. I'm intrigued by the idea of doing all the work (which I will be getting myself to do) and not looking for the reward. Not looking for the payout. Not trying to live my life based on the 3 digit number I see staring back at me. To get out there and life my life. Not in fear of what that number will be when I get back on the scale in September. But to realize it doesn't define me. That number isn't Dena. It might be what I weigh. But it's not my personality. It's not my smile, my mind. My anything. Culture seems to think it should define me. But I'm about to defy culture right now in the next 3 months. Will I hate all my clothes. Absolutely. I'm in the process of trying to pick out a new sports bra. I'm quite up there. Let me tell you. And the wearing 2 sports bras thing I got going on right now isn't working so hot. I ended up bleeding from my broken one. No Bueno. But can I get myself to spend the money on it? Oh geez. I wish I could go to the store and pick one out and try it on. But just like my shoes and wide width. They just don't go carrying DDD sports bras in the store. Hello Amazon. /end rant.

Speaking of shoes!! I bought 3 pairs this week! My running shoes came in. Which I am ecstatic to say they have PURPLE in them! I have never in my life owned a "cute" pair of running shoes. All the shoes I have ordered have been grey and blue or white and blue. Well I think I about scared the guy at the running store when he opened the box and I let out a squeal about them being grey and purple. I have cute running shoes! He mumbled something about them having new colors every year and something something..but yeah. I am excited. And then I just happened to try this pair of sandals on at Payless Shoesource. Now granted I haven't been able to fit into their shoes for a good 10 years (since I worked there). Well I slipped these on and to my shock and surprise they fit me too. They are a little to long in front, but that's ok. I ended up buying the tan pair that day. (2 pairs of shoes in one day?!?) And then I went back the following day and got a black pair. This never happens to me. I would just like to say. I pretty much just doubled the amount of shoes that I own in 2 days. I have 3 pairs that I wear consistently: a pair of flip flops (men's cause they fit better), a pair of backless clog type slip on casual shoe, and my running shoes. Then I have the nice dress shoes I just bought for the wedding I went to in April, and 2 other sandal dress shoes. I felt like such a girl coming home with all these shoes. Anyways. That was a joy for me this week haha..

And I am happy to report that I am just about unpacked and all moved into my new house (at least my PERSONAL stuff is). I have found a place for all my stuff, or it is conveniently hiding behind a door or in a drawer for me to sort through later. I have a friend coming to hang pictures with me tomorrow and everything will have its place. It's kind of exciting.

Now that I've rambled on ;) I am going to do a yoga thing on youtube and go to bed! I have woken up so stiff lately, that I want to see if this will help me at all, It's 20 minutes of gently stretching. Nothing bad :)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 78

Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.

But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.

But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.

I need a break from the scale.

But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.

So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!

I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)

On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)

And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.

So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)

Small goal, huge victory?!?

Haha, well Steph, I did say I was going to post more than once didn't I? I better do it then!

At the beginning of the school year, I had made myself a goal. I was not going to buy anything out of the vending machine this ENTIRE school year.

So let's back up on that one. You see, last school year when my mom ended up having surgery and life went out of whack and blah blah blah, I spent a lot of $1 bills on this pack of cookies that had 600 calories in it. I bought a lot of them...and ate them all in one sitting of course. So at the end of the summer I thought it would be a good idea to not buy anything at all the next school year. Because I really didn't want to eat 600 calories worth of cookies every day.

But I didn't tell anyone my goal of course. I don't know why...I guess it was more of an internal goal. But I still made the goal nonetheless and off we went into the school year. Which still brought more trials and unimaginable things that surely I could have eaten my way through. Which, coincidentally I did. Mind you, I just didn't get the food out of the vending machine :)

About halfway through the year I texted my former teacher and told her that I hadn't bought anything all year! She was proud of me haha, because she had bought a lot of the same cookies, just not as many as me ;) And then I did tell my new teacher and other para at some point in the year because we would talk about me not buying anything and how close I was to the end of the year.

Now I still consider this a victory. I held off an entire year and didn't get anything from a vending machine, that might seem silly to some people. But for me it's huge. And the funny thing was, at some point during the year the cookies that I have always gotten got replaced with some chocolate kind so I couldn't have eaten them anyway. 

But it still didn't stop me from getting in the car and going to get a coffee and a cookie from my favorite local coffee shop that is conveniently just up the street from my work. Yes. if I time it right, I can get there, get my coffee and get back in my 15 minute break.  But I didn't buy anything from the vending machine.

It's a black and white thing for me, there isn't much gray. I can either buy things from the vending machine or I can't. As I was doing some grocery shopping today I was looking down the aisle and looking at things going, well I can't have that in the house and I can't have this in the house. It's just not a good thing. I will eat an entire sleeve of graham crackers at a time. I went through a package of golden oreos in 3 days. And I could have done it much sooner too. And don't even ask me to keep Nillas in the house. Or brown sugar pop tarts. And I have been known to eat an entire box of mac and cheese. Just saying.

So at this point, I think that next school year, I probably won't be tempted to buy anything from the machine. It became really easy to not buy the peanuts when I found out I was allergic to them, but I have become so used to just eating the other food I'm allergic to and dealing with the stomach consequences. I'm just letting you know that having 2 Dutch Bros Iced Kickers a day is not so good on my stomach...let alone 1000 calories that I don't need to be drinking. I was actually looking forward to my soy drink yesterday morning. Trying to get through the last week of the move was hard and it was just easier to buy the coffee. Plus my little coffee maker is not working so well, and I don't want to use the 6 cup one all the time. I either will need a new gasket or I will be buying a 3 cup coffee pot soon. :)

Well that was just lots of rambling. I still am going to post about the house a bit, but I need to get my pictures on my computer for that. And that means figuring out my Windows 8 stuff and getting all my stuff transferred from on computer to the other. Oh the joys of being a non tech person!

Wednesday Weigh in week 77

Not much to report on the weight. I stayed at 243. I am not doing a picture today because I am still trying to get my new computer all figured out and I wasn't going to battle with Windows 8 this late at night :0) When we moved in and it was the hot week from H....and the air conditioner was broken it fried what was left of the battery in my old laptop. So I powered on for a few weeks with it flashing at me, until it finally beeped at me and told me it didn't recognize the battery. Oh. joy. So I begrudgingly ordered a new one and it came on Monday. But I have been so busy organizing the house from the move that I haven't played on the computer too much. But I can say it's an amazing feeling to not be attached to a cord again. I'm enjoying a battery that will last me for 5 hours and not a cord plugged in for all of time. I just need to find the time to get files switched over and the likes of all that. It will happen, I just have other things that will happen in front of it :)

I started and mostly finished a huge project today. With the help of my mom and my friend. I will talk more about it later, and maybe even post a before and after picture. But for right now I'm tired and need to get heading to bed...the alarm is going to go off way to early, and my project took up 12 hours today! Oy.

A couple of friends and I decided yesterday that we are getting back on track :0) All 3 of us. And we shall be reconnecting :) Just like on our sparkpeople page! Except we are doing a lot of it on FB too. Haha..

I have other thoughts swirling around in my head of things I want to post, so I will probably be posting more often :) That's a good sign of me being on track too, haha..more than one post a week.

:0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 76

You know it's about that time of the month when you go "whew! I only gained a pound!"

Huh? Hahaha

So I'm only up a pound. And somehow that's still ok. I'm so on the cusp of "freedom" Or being completely moved out of the old house. Or 11 weeks of summer vacation. Or all of it together.

And I was so disappointed that I forgot I was going to go running today. It's national running day. And of course it was stinking hot. Plus Wednesdays just aren't that good for me. And by the time I remembered, it was too late. Sad. I will be back to running soon though. I miss it for sure..And I'm pretty sure my body misses it too ;)

I was reading a blog today and she was talking about a scale that doesn't give you your weight when you step on it...it tells you (after you set it for the first time) what you have lost from that initial number or gained from it. I'm thinking that's kinda cool. And it's pretty decently priced for a scale. I'm considering checking it out. Not that I'm really obsessed with the number on the scale...I know its just a number and that our bodies just do things differently. But it might just take away something I don't know. I will see. I'm really just hoping that I win the giveaway she is doing on her blog ;) Then I won't have to buy it! *fingers crossed*

Wednesday Weigh in week 75

75 weeks. That's all it took for me to gain all my weight back. grr. Yep. The weigh in that didn't happen last week was just a sign of what was to come this morning. But who am I kidding. With the move and not having time to make my lunches, combined with eating out EVERY day this month. I'm pretty sure I did. Sodium up the roof? And oh ya know two coffees a day. I'm not surprised at this gain at all. My survival mode kicked in and it wasn't nice. I'm really looking forward to summer where I can stay home and make lunches and no eat at DQ every day. I mean. I'm getting pretty sick of ice cream right now. And that right there folks is an amazing statement for me to say.

I could throw the towel in. I could delete my blog, and just convince myself that I will always be fat and things won't change and live my life this way, hating myself for the weight and just being miserable.

But I have always believed that by finishing what I start with my weight loss that it will transpire over into every area of my life. Even by moving, I am just downsizing so so much. I told my aunt the other day that if it doesn't have a significant meaning in my life and its not on display somewhere in my house then I am not keeping it. I mean obviously there are just some things that I have to keep for taxes, but a lot of stuff I just don't need. Along with getting my weight under control this summer, I am going to be organizing and downsizing more stuff. I have gotten good about getting rid of things, but for some reason I hang on to paper items forever. And that's my goal in the 11 weeks that I am off, is going through tubs of things that I don't want to be holding onto, and high kicking my butt back to where it should be. I know I should be happy now but I am not. I can't be. I won't ever be happy knowing that I am still almost 130 pounds overweight.

That's my vent. I know I won't be putting it off forever, and even if I can just find one thing to change by next week, I would be doing better. I've got two more weeks to get everything out of the other house. And then I get to actually enjoy my new house instead of trying to cram as much in as possible ;)

Wednesday weigh in Week 74

A funny thing happened on the way to today's weigh in...

It didn't happen.

I got my scale out of my bedroom, and put it on the floor and stepped on it, and it didn't turn on. I think I had set some stuff on top of it when I put it away last week and it must have left the battery going....so at any rate I think the battery died. I've never had that happen and so naturally I didn't have batteries on hand for it. And the screw driver to unscrew the spot.

So I didn't weigh in. Which I guess isn't a bad thing. I was very worried about my weigh in anyway. LOL. So I guess not seeing a number wouldn't depress me any. And it's just been rough moving this month. I haven't had time to cook my lunches, so I've been eating out every day for the last 3 weeks. I'm really sick of Dairy Queen by the way. Dang them and their $5 dollar lunch ;) And coffee has been my friend. And I've slowly seen the scale creep back up. And I really wasn't looking forward to the number today.

So lo and behold it didn't happen. I think I'm at my breaking point physically. I'm back to being unable to do things. Like kneel down or squat. Even walking up the stairs is giving me trouble. I'm achy and itchy and uncomfortable in my clothes. And I haven't seemed to have found the "re-motivating" factor. Like all of that won't do it for me? I don't really know. I guess I'm just super stubborn in that area. I can't have someone tell me what to do. I have to do it myself, and figure it out myself. I'm weird like that. I have to do it myself when it comes to working out. I guess if I'm super excited I will do it with friends. But I kinda prefer to do it solo? I'm odd I guess. Of course who am I kidding. I haven't worked out in months! I definitely de-railed a while back and I haven't been able to get back on course. I'm off work in 2 weeks for 11 weeks (Hello Summer break!!) and I'm hoping to use that time to get back into my groove and get going. I've got to get myself into a routine again. One that I can figure out how not to break when my life gets super crazy.

Because I know it will. :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 73

I'm just going to assume right now that my computer won't upload my picture like the last two weeks and just tell you what my weight was. I'm in complete and utter I don't care moments right now. I'm still going back and forth between two houses trying to box up yard sale stuff that didn't sell and get the rest of what we think we want to keep to the new house. I think quite literally for the last two weeks I have eaten out every day for lunch simply because I didn't have time to make lunches during the weekend. I am so extremely sick of fast food right now it's not even funny! Yet I have another super crazy weekend and I don't know if I will have the time or the energy to do it this weekend for the 3 days that I need a lunch next week. I already know one of the days we are going to lunch because we don't have kids that day. School is almost out. We have 8 days left with our kids. It's crazy to think that but we do. Well 9 days I guess. But tomorrow shouldn't count LOL!

239.4. I am exactly 1 pound away from where I started this blog in 2011. Ouch. And still I am in survival mode. I haven't switched out yet, and I'm not sure that I will before school gets out. I know this summer is going to be all about refocusing and getting myself back on track.

So I'm just hoping for the next 3 weeks that I can keep it under 240. That's the goal for right now anyway.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 72

Oh. my. gosh. So I moved houses on Saturday (same area, different house) and we discovered when we went to turn the A/C on that it in fact did NOT turn on. So we have naturally been in a heat wave, I'm talking 90-95 degrees this week. Today I saw the thermostat reach 89 in my house. The landlady has had 2 people come out to give her quotes to tell her it is in fact dead Jim. :0) So I'm so hoping we get a new one by this weekend. It's supposed to be 97 on Saturday. oh. my gosh. Heat is not my friend. The poor boys have had such a hard time falling asleep. Tonight I put them to bed with an ice pack under their pillow cases. And the one on the top bunk is on the floor.

end rant.

So let's see if the picture posts this time, I'm at the same weight I was last week. Still high. But ok for now. I will be for sure figuring out how to start losing weight again. My knee is bothering me so badly right now. I know part of it is because of the weight. :( I wasn't supposed to gain all my weight back :(

The rest of this month is going to be crazy. We have to have a yard sale this weekend, and still get everything moved out of the house by the next weekend. So the weekend after that we can take a train to Portland to have some fun :0) And then the week after that school will be out and I will be in full force summer! Woo-hoo! I can't wait!

Nope. no picture. I wonder if I can edit it from my phone and add it. We will see.

Wednesday weigh in week 71

Late, and very short. Still packing and moving. So that's taking up the majority of my time right now. So by this time next week I will hopefully be all settled into my new house :)

I can't get the picture to upload, and I am not about to try to figure it out. 237.2 up from 236.8. Not too horrible.

Wednesday weigh in week 70

Well now that we have officially been telling people, I suppose the cat's out of the bag. We are moving houses. This has caused a lot of stress over the last year, and frankly has been the cause of a lot of my overeating. But it's one of those things that you don't really want to talk about you know? I'm not entirely too happy to be moving out of this house after 23 years into a much smaller house. But it has to be done. So we are in the (horrible) process of going through an entire house and deciding what can be kept and what can't. Oh and we have about 2-3 weeks to do all this. Oy. Vey. And throw a yard sale in there somehow.

At this point I am just trying to maintain all the weight I have gained back. Funny thing to say huh? I am only 4 pounds away from what I was when I started this blog. That doesn't excite me very much. But I know that it's just a season. That I will get back into a more motivated mode. Right now it's all I can do to work and try to pack and sleep. Except I have had things to do every night this week because I am leaving tomorrow for a wedding 4 hours away. Bad timing to take a trip for sure. But as of right now I have everything packed except toiletries. So I feel like I'm doing good sort of LOL!

So right now my life is full of boxes and clutter and busyness. Not really where I wanted to be right before the end of school, but it's where I am at. Hoping to stay on track.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 69

Oy. This has been a tough week. Stuff going on at home, kids being crazy at work. And life in general. I managed to lose .2 something. Haha! And sometimes that's ok. If for the next month I can maintain where I'm at I think I would be ok for the moment. Not completely happy. But ok. And sometimes that's just how it has to be. Ok. Summer's coming. That's just all I gotta say.

Sorry for the short post, but my bed is calling me!

Wednesday weigh in Week 68

So as I was eating dinner last night, realizing that I was weighing in today I decided that it wasn't my most brilliant idea to eat so much sodium yesterday. And yep. Up on the scale. Go figure. Not surprised at all this morning...

So I am trying something new. It's called a soy latte. ;) I finally bought some soy milk to try to make a latte at home with it. I have tried just about every other kind of milk to try to make them with so I'm not drinking cows milk. I have just been rather hesitant about drinking soy. But I decided I was spending too much money (and calories) at the coffee shop and I just really needed to make my coffee at home again. Since I obviously haven't given it up. I did however go back to decaf. I have determined that too much caffeine will make my heart hurt. Like it's just tight. So I have switched to decaf. And hope that will help. Well lo and behold my first latte wasn't horrible. It didn't change the flavor of the drink too much. Not to mention it has less calories than milk but that was never really the issue. Except when I was buying an iced coffee at the coffee house and getting more than half a cup a day :0) But it still makes a decent cup of coffee for the girl allergic to milk. And now that I am making it at home again I will be saving a lot of calories. Good grief, I don't need all that syrup. Especially when I have good coffee ;) Like Stumptown. I have gone back down to about 3-4 teaspoons of syrup instead of 3-5 pumps. At any rate it works :) And maybe I will get used to it. I still don't think I would drink a cup of soy milk by itself..but for coffee...not the worst thing in the world.