Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.
But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.
But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.
I need a break from the scale.
But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.
So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!
I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)
On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)
And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.
So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)
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