Oh hey Apr....May

So April has now come and gone. I've noticed my pattern of when life isn't going well neither is the blog. I think for May I'm going to make it a goal to blog every day. I have some pretty big life changes coming up in the next couple of months. And it's time to quit hiding around and get ready for them. And I think by blogging I might be able to work through some things. So this post might be a little short and sweet tonight, I will be thinking of something to say for tomorrow ;)

Oh yeah. Life lesson fail: Didn't go to the gym at ALL during April. Not one day. After my going almost every day in March that was a complete fail. HAHAHA. But I'm not letting it get to me. Although I do need to get my fitness goals back to a forefront instead of on the back burner. Like always. This soon to be California girl has got to get a little healthier and fitter. ;) For Sure.

And just like always, I go outside for a 30 minute recess and HOLY INSTANT SUNBURN BATMAN! Yeah. my neck and chest are a little red ;) Needless to say I will be hitting the sunscreen tomorrow before work!

Well hello 2014...

It's a new year. A new beginning. Doesn't everyone always feel excited and ready to take on a new year right about now? Wait no? Not really?

I have tended to start out the year feeling depressed about how the last year went and how I never accomplished anything or did anything with my life. To be honest the last two years have kinda sucked. And last year I was ready for a fresh start, and well it didn't really happen.

So I decided to do things differently this year. And I've mentioned it in the last couple of blogs I've written, with my goals for January. But something hit me this morning. I can have all these goals and ideas but I don't have a way to track them and keep myself accountable. I need a way to show myself in December that yes, I did accomplish something. I want proof that I didn't spend this year doing "nothing" like I always feel like.

So I jumped on excel this morning and made a very simple checklist of my goals and the dates 1-31. Haha..cause I just like to check boxes off. I mean it's rustic. But whatever..it's gonna help me track. And I can tell you right now that I know I'm not going to be completely dairy and gluten free in January. But if I can be 85-90% it's a dang good start. Then I can work on improving it in February and keep going. But I have to be realistic about life and understand that it takes time. I don't want to make myself fail at it. Or set myself up for a binge. But I do have a pot of Velveeta dip in the crockpot right now just waiting to be devoured :) Eating goals don't start until the 2nd ;)

Since one of my big goals this year is to not weigh myself at all, I did it yesterday. I think I determined that I gained 21 pounds last year. Like I said..the last 2 years weren't all that kind to me. I enjoyed my food and coffee lol! And so I did the most logical thing to me to do to keep myself off of the scale :) I took the battery out. Smart no? I thought so. I know I won't be tempted to go into my sister's room to use hers...and mine's gonna be put away out of sight out of mind with no battery. So I would have to be completely desperate to go buy a new battery and dig my scale out to weigh myself. But I'm looking forward to not weighing myself this year.

My main goal this year is to quit obsessing about weight loss and go out and live my life.

If I had to sum up all of my goals this year that would be it. Yes. Establishing a new eating routine and getting myself into a regular workout schedule are part of my goals. But so is making my bed everyday and decluttering my life. It's a relative to a better me.. You know? And deciding to make monthly goals instead of yearly ones has made me feel not so overwhelmed. I can do things for 4 weeks at a time. You know. So I can change things up and not be into such a rut. That's what I'm telling myself.

So out with the old, and in with the new fresh start. A clean slate. A new year. To make of it what I will, and see what I will become. And the things that happen because of the choices that I make.

I know I'm ready for it!

Wednesday weigh in week 101

Well that was an interesting week! I felt very encouraged by the feedback that I got from some people on my post. I haven't posted my updates on facebook in a while, really because I haven't really been losing weight, and while yes, I still post....I just know it will only be a few people that read it. Yet I still get on here every Wednesday and post haha!!

Let's see. I got up early on Saturday and got all ready for my water aerobics class and got to the gym for them to tell me that the pool had flooded and classes had been cancelled until they got it fixed. Of course I got lots of good ribbing...um how does a pool flood? But I'm still proud of the fact that I got myself up and got to the gym..whether or not I got a workout in. And no I didn't have any other workout gear with me...I was in my swimsuit and flip flops...so I went home and showered and got on with my busy day ;) I mean I wasn't too horribly mad. I'm just getting myself into the routine of actually getting up and getting myself there...and I think it will all fall into place. I had to pretend to study for my test that I took this morning.

Sunday we had a Thanksgiving meal with our church after service..That's always fun :) I'm not to keen on potlucks because I don't really know what's in the things that people make and whether or not I'm allergic, but I did get some turkey and rice and jello and a roll.

Monday night I finally sat down and looked at the study guide for my college assessment test. I promptly freaked out and had all sorts of anxiety, pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows and wanting to eat everything in sight. People. Math is just never going to be my friend. Don't ask me to do geometry or trig..It's just not going to happen.

Tuesday night I did my Final Presentation in my Early Childhood Education class. Well actually I had to do 2 presentations haha..but the little one I wasn't too worried about. The lesson I learned was that I need to follow up when I send something to the Teacher to print. Needless to say our songs are going to be passed out next week...;) Now I just have to finish up my songbook to turn in next week and I am officially done with my first quarter as a college student!

Which leads me to today: My dreaded COMPASS test, haha...I mean lets be real here...I graduated in 1999. So that means I really haven't done math since oh 1997? No seriously. I barely got through Algebra. And probably with a C or something..I mean I really don't remember. But somewhere along the road of life, I dumped math out and put music in. I mean that's what everyone does right? So this pretest stuff had me so worried..I slept like crap last night..But made it to my test and even got it! (I was a walk in, so people had to not show up for me to do the test). Needless to say I came out of the test with a college level in Reading and Writing. And I got into Math 84. Which is not college level ;) But the Math class that I needed to make it into. Luckily I have friends that are good at math..and we will probably be setting up some tutoring dates in the near future when I get into my Math class...I'm hoping it will be offered over the summer...that would be a good time while I'm not working to be able to do that...anyways..I'm so glad it's over with and now I can get registered for some more ECE classes...after I fill out my FASFA again and get some financial aid! Cause I can't pay for college myself! Haha!!

I'm still hovering right around the same weight..I'm suspecting it's the sodium and milk. I got pretty busy last week and only got one workout in. And this week, well I'm just not going to be doing any workouts in the pool...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I'm super glad the pool is back up and I will be in class for sure on Monday night...not so sure about Saturday.

I do know that Thanksgiving is not super tempting for me..Never really has been. Let's see..I will eat turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and some jello. Well I did buy a dulche de leche cheesecake thing to make..That just might put me over the edge! Haha..but I've never been into all the sides and stuff..I don't even like gravy! I'm not a big overeater on Thanksgiving..I don't even like pumpkin pie! And I'm not big on fruit pies either. And once the peanut butter and chocolate went away, well what do you know...Christmas is another story however...I will devour those almond bark covered pretzels like nobody's business..

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday weigh in week 100

Wow. 100 weeks makes it seem so long. I feel like I've been doing this for a long time. Haha..But then again I have. Almost two years. Scary to think that I am back to my highest weight again after two years. It makes me want to get all sad and melancholy just thinking about it. But I'm not going to. :0)

I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.

But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.

And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.

But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.

I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.

I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird.  But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish)  people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)

The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...

So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.

But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...

Wednesday weigh in week 99

Wow...I've been at this for 99 weeks. Scary LOL! I wish I could say I've made my goal and all that jazz..but I haven't. It's a learning process for sure.

In great news! I made it to a water aerobics class finally. I learned that I don't want to eat dinner beforehand however. It's called Water cardio and it lives up to its name. I also learned I need to scoot down and not be in the shallow shallow end. It still hurt my knee some..so I got some tips from the instructor. Somehow telling the instructor and all the other people there that it's my plan to come every Monday night should help me get there right? Right. But I was secretly excited. She came by to show me how to do stuff and I had caught on pretty quick. She kept telling me I was a pro for it being my first time. I guess most new first timers struggle a bit. But I literally just jumped on in. And I was definitely sore from it yesterday. My goal is to be there Mondays and probably Saturday mornings. Who knew Saturdays had mornings right? ;0) Haha...But I joined the gym to be able to use the pool. And that's what I plan on doing. Speaking of that. I am going to sit down this week and make up a workout plan for the next 90 days. I will take a picture and post it before next week so you can see it. See now I have told you, and you will keep me accountable to that too :0)

In not great news I gained 1.2 pounds back. Not surprised with the way my tummy has been feeling lately...I think I'm a little ahem backed up. Makes all the difference in the world ;) Sad. but true.

This week has been an odd work week. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday I only worked half day. Tomorrow I work a half day and I'm taking Friday off. It was supposed to be our conference week, however my teacher has just gotten off jury duty. So now we have 19 conferences to reschedule, and not a whole lot of work to be done this week. But after the craziness of last week it was nice this week to have a break. I can't complain too much. I mean we do have Thanksgiving and Christmas Break coming up soon. I only work 15 days in December. Then we get two weeks off. So we really don't have a lot of time with the kids in the next 6 weeks. We only have 6 more days with them in November. SO yeah.. 21 days with the kids for the rest of the year. CRAZY! This year has gone by so so fast. Rather scary.

Wednesday weigh in week 96

Well I knew that magic wasn't going to last forever LOL!. The scale was back up today. I was actually quite frustrated because each time I weighed myself it said something different. So I said forget it and went back to bed! Literally. I called in sick today. After something to do every day and night for the last two weeks my body just couldn't take it anymore. I have been feeling crappy for the last several days. And I just stayed home and rested today. I did finally get the scale to say the same thing twice so that's what I went with. It was nice to have nothing to do today, but I will be back at the grind tomorrow. One of these days I'm going to make it to the gym that I joined that I haven't gone to yet! Haha. I did notice that it hasn't come out of my account yet either...so at least I didn't lose out on any money ;) My goal is to go at least 3 times a week. It's only 21 a month. So that doesn't seem all that bad to start out with. Bare minimum I want to at least go and sit in the hot tub tomorrow night! That's part of the reason I joined the gym in the first place!

But for me? I'm back to bed. I never did nap today so I'm ready to actually go back to sleep...and hopefully this time my brain will shut off enough and let me do it!

Wednesday Weigh in Week 94

Oh it's that pesky time of the month. You know...the time where you join the gym on Saturday and then can't make it to water aerobics on Monday. The one that causes you to gain a pound. Yeah. It's that time of the month. But luckily it was only a pound. Haha...

I swear the week just tends to fly by. And before I know it it's Wednesday again. And I haven't done any sort of weight loss attempt at all ;) LOL!

I'm looking forward to making a routine for the gym. To have set nights or times and just go. And having pool time. Haha...Maybe I'm just weird like that. I'm more excited about having a gym with a pool than I am about working out on the machines. Although I am excited about the machines too. I need to go back and get an appointment made for someone to show me how to use all the machines in the gym. That way I know what I need to be doing for each of them and I don't avoid machines because I don't know what the do. Needless to say I'm a little bit excited. :)

We made some yummy chicken alfredo tonight. Yes. It's out of a box. And yes it has milk and cheese in it. Did I mention it was yummy? And cheap. And I wanted to try it? And it has Velveeta? Yah yah yah. All those things I shouldn't have. Such is life. Dairy is a hard hard thing to get rid of completely. But not as hard as garlic :(

Sorry it's super short, It's late and I reaaallly need to get to bed.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 93

Well, I made it!

And my hunch was correct. I didn't lose anything this summer. In fact I gained about 4 pounds. I'm just glad that it was only 4 pounds. It does however put me back to only 3 pounds from my highest weight :( That's a little on the discouraging side. On the non discouraging side I am excited that I was able to break free from the scale for a while. I mean really I know I would have spiraled more had I noticed that I was gaining weight. But then again when I was doing so well working out in August I wonder if I did lose weight and that might have helped spur me on if I had seen the number dropping.

So here we go round the mullbury bush again. It's October now. And I would still like to set a weight loss goal for before my birthday in January. But first my goal is to kick my two coffees a day back to one, except maybe once or twice a week. And to get to the gym to join! That's my goal. I am definitely ready to get in the pool for some laps and to learn about the new gym I am going to sign up for.

Ignore the gross toes. I'm trying to work on that, and covering them up with toenail polish isn't doing them any good. Now that it's sock season no one has to see my gross toes. I'm hoping that I will get them cleared up by next summer!!

Wednesday weigh in Week 89 and 90

Yeah I'm a slacker.

Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.

Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.

And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.

It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.

So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.

I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?

You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.

But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.

So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.

So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.

But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.

But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.

It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?

Wednesday weigh in week 83

Oh hey, looks it's WEDNESDAY and I am posting! Haha. I will have to set a reminder or something for the summer to remember to post, since I'm not weighing in.

I guess I don't really have too much to report since I only posted on Monday. I'm still plugging away with my squat challenge. I'm getting super excited about almost finishing this. Haha. And today ended up being a rest day, so I didn't have to wake up to do any squats. Tomorrow, however, I have to do 175. And really that's technically over 200 because of the double squatting! LOL! And I really prefer just to do them in the morning and my yoga, simply so they are out of the way. I had waiting on Monday to do them when we got back from the beach and it was almost 10 at night before I finished with everything. Geesh. I'm not planning on doing that again. Done, out of the way and showered. That's how I prefer to do them!

I think I'm getting antsy about not weighing in however. I reallly wanted to weigh in this morning, and that's kind of weird. Haha. I guess cheating at the beach was a bad thing. Although with the way I've been eating, I don't really want to know the last couple of days. But then again, I kind of do.

I went shopping for some shirts yesterday and came home empty handed. I didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't completely in love with the shirt. Which I suppose is good for me? I mean yeah, I'm trying to watch my money, but it's so dang hot right now, that I am looking for some more tanks and I'm not finding them. And I fall back into the mentality of 'but I am going to lose weight and I won't even be using this shirt next year.' So I walked away. I wasn't entirely happy with the shirts that I could have gotten and I didn't want to go up any bigger in size. I ended up getting some bras that were the same size even though I should have gone up a band size, but they didn't have any. So um any waist whittling exercises that work quickly anyone? Haha. 

I'm thinking for August that I'm going to come up with my own challenge. I really liked the idea of having a workout set up and just doing it. And that the squat thing was so simple. So I'm gonna go explore pinterest a bit and see if I can come up with something to do. Something that incorporates more working out, and not just squats ;) Although I am surprised that I don't actually mind them. Of course the ones with the kicks I kind of mind haha. But only cause I have to do more. And I will see what comes of 200 squats every time would do. I mean it takes me about 20 minutes to do them without an additional workout. Oy. I can see how people easily can do 2 hour workouts LOL. I just have to find a way to do it and do it in the heat. Maybe I will have to do an am/pm kind of thing. I will have to see.

So I guess I'm off to figure something out :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 78

Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.

But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.

But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.

I need a break from the scale.

But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.

So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!

I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)

On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)

And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.

So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)

Wednesday Weigh in week 77

Not much to report on the weight. I stayed at 243. I am not doing a picture today because I am still trying to get my new computer all figured out and I wasn't going to battle with Windows 8 this late at night :0) When we moved in and it was the hot week from H....and the air conditioner was broken it fried what was left of the battery in my old laptop. So I powered on for a few weeks with it flashing at me, until it finally beeped at me and told me it didn't recognize the battery. Oh. joy. So I begrudgingly ordered a new one and it came on Monday. But I have been so busy organizing the house from the move that I haven't played on the computer too much. But I can say it's an amazing feeling to not be attached to a cord again. I'm enjoying a battery that will last me for 5 hours and not a cord plugged in for all of time. I just need to find the time to get files switched over and the likes of all that. It will happen, I just have other things that will happen in front of it :)

I started and mostly finished a huge project today. With the help of my mom and my friend. I will talk more about it later, and maybe even post a before and after picture. But for right now I'm tired and need to get heading to bed...the alarm is going to go off way to early, and my project took up 12 hours today! Oy.

A couple of friends and I decided yesterday that we are getting back on track :0) All 3 of us. And we shall be reconnecting :) Just like on our sparkpeople page! Except we are doing a lot of it on FB too. Haha..

I have other thoughts swirling around in my head of things I want to post, so I will probably be posting more often :) That's a good sign of me being on track too, haha..more than one post a week.

:0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 76

You know it's about that time of the month when you go "whew! I only gained a pound!"

Huh? Hahaha

So I'm only up a pound. And somehow that's still ok. I'm so on the cusp of "freedom" Or being completely moved out of the old house. Or 11 weeks of summer vacation. Or all of it together.

And I was so disappointed that I forgot I was going to go running today. It's national running day. And of course it was stinking hot. Plus Wednesdays just aren't that good for me. And by the time I remembered, it was too late. Sad. I will be back to running soon though. I miss it for sure..And I'm pretty sure my body misses it too ;)

I was reading a blog today and she was talking about a scale that doesn't give you your weight when you step on it...it tells you (after you set it for the first time) what you have lost from that initial number or gained from it. I'm thinking that's kinda cool. And it's pretty decently priced for a scale. I'm considering checking it out. Not that I'm really obsessed with the number on the scale...I know its just a number and that our bodies just do things differently. But it might just take away something I don't know. I will see. I'm really just hoping that I win the giveaway she is doing on her blog ;) Then I won't have to buy it! *fingers crossed*

Wednesday Weigh in week 75

75 weeks. That's all it took for me to gain all my weight back. grr. Yep. The weigh in that didn't happen last week was just a sign of what was to come this morning. But who am I kidding. With the move and not having time to make my lunches, combined with eating out EVERY day this month. I'm pretty sure I did. Sodium up the roof? And oh ya know two coffees a day. I'm not surprised at this gain at all. My survival mode kicked in and it wasn't nice. I'm really looking forward to summer where I can stay home and make lunches and no eat at DQ every day. I mean. I'm getting pretty sick of ice cream right now. And that right there folks is an amazing statement for me to say.

I could throw the towel in. I could delete my blog, and just convince myself that I will always be fat and things won't change and live my life this way, hating myself for the weight and just being miserable.

But I have always believed that by finishing what I start with my weight loss that it will transpire over into every area of my life. Even by moving, I am just downsizing so so much. I told my aunt the other day that if it doesn't have a significant meaning in my life and its not on display somewhere in my house then I am not keeping it. I mean obviously there are just some things that I have to keep for taxes, but a lot of stuff I just don't need. Along with getting my weight under control this summer, I am going to be organizing and downsizing more stuff. I have gotten good about getting rid of things, but for some reason I hang on to paper items forever. And that's my goal in the 11 weeks that I am off, is going through tubs of things that I don't want to be holding onto, and high kicking my butt back to where it should be. I know I should be happy now but I am not. I can't be. I won't ever be happy knowing that I am still almost 130 pounds overweight.

That's my vent. I know I won't be putting it off forever, and even if I can just find one thing to change by next week, I would be doing better. I've got two more weeks to get everything out of the other house. And then I get to actually enjoy my new house instead of trying to cram as much in as possible ;)

Wednesday weigh in Week 74

A funny thing happened on the way to today's weigh in...

It didn't happen.

I got my scale out of my bedroom, and put it on the floor and stepped on it, and it didn't turn on. I think I had set some stuff on top of it when I put it away last week and it must have left the battery going....so at any rate I think the battery died. I've never had that happen and so naturally I didn't have batteries on hand for it. And the screw driver to unscrew the spot.

So I didn't weigh in. Which I guess isn't a bad thing. I was very worried about my weigh in anyway. LOL. So I guess not seeing a number wouldn't depress me any. And it's just been rough moving this month. I haven't had time to cook my lunches, so I've been eating out every day for the last 3 weeks. I'm really sick of Dairy Queen by the way. Dang them and their $5 dollar lunch ;) And coffee has been my friend. And I've slowly seen the scale creep back up. And I really wasn't looking forward to the number today.

So lo and behold it didn't happen. I think I'm at my breaking point physically. I'm back to being unable to do things. Like kneel down or squat. Even walking up the stairs is giving me trouble. I'm achy and itchy and uncomfortable in my clothes. And I haven't seemed to have found the "re-motivating" factor. Like all of that won't do it for me? I don't really know. I guess I'm just super stubborn in that area. I can't have someone tell me what to do. I have to do it myself, and figure it out myself. I'm weird like that. I have to do it myself when it comes to working out. I guess if I'm super excited I will do it with friends. But I kinda prefer to do it solo? I'm odd I guess. Of course who am I kidding. I haven't worked out in months! I definitely de-railed a while back and I haven't been able to get back on course. I'm off work in 2 weeks for 11 weeks (Hello Summer break!!) and I'm hoping to use that time to get back into my groove and get going. I've got to get myself into a routine again. One that I can figure out how not to break when my life gets super crazy.

Because I know it will. :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 73

I'm just going to assume right now that my computer won't upload my picture like the last two weeks and just tell you what my weight was. I'm in complete and utter I don't care moments right now. I'm still going back and forth between two houses trying to box up yard sale stuff that didn't sell and get the rest of what we think we want to keep to the new house. I think quite literally for the last two weeks I have eaten out every day for lunch simply because I didn't have time to make lunches during the weekend. I am so extremely sick of fast food right now it's not even funny! Yet I have another super crazy weekend and I don't know if I will have the time or the energy to do it this weekend for the 3 days that I need a lunch next week. I already know one of the days we are going to lunch because we don't have kids that day. School is almost out. We have 8 days left with our kids. It's crazy to think that but we do. Well 9 days I guess. But tomorrow shouldn't count LOL!

239.4. I am exactly 1 pound away from where I started this blog in 2011. Ouch. And still I am in survival mode. I haven't switched out yet, and I'm not sure that I will before school gets out. I know this summer is going to be all about refocusing and getting myself back on track.

So I'm just hoping for the next 3 weeks that I can keep it under 240. That's the goal for right now anyway.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 72

Oh. my. gosh. So I moved houses on Saturday (same area, different house) and we discovered when we went to turn the A/C on that it in fact did NOT turn on. So we have naturally been in a heat wave, I'm talking 90-95 degrees this week. Today I saw the thermostat reach 89 in my house. The landlady has had 2 people come out to give her quotes to tell her it is in fact dead Jim. :0) So I'm so hoping we get a new one by this weekend. It's supposed to be 97 on Saturday. oh. my gosh. Heat is not my friend. The poor boys have had such a hard time falling asleep. Tonight I put them to bed with an ice pack under their pillow cases. And the one on the top bunk is on the floor.

end rant.

So let's see if the picture posts this time, I'm at the same weight I was last week. Still high. But ok for now. I will be for sure figuring out how to start losing weight again. My knee is bothering me so badly right now. I know part of it is because of the weight. :( I wasn't supposed to gain all my weight back :(

The rest of this month is going to be crazy. We have to have a yard sale this weekend, and still get everything moved out of the house by the next weekend. So the weekend after that we can take a train to Portland to have some fun :0) And then the week after that school will be out and I will be in full force summer! Woo-hoo! I can't wait!

Nope. no picture. I wonder if I can edit it from my phone and add it. We will see.

Wednesday weigh in week 70

Well now that we have officially been telling people, I suppose the cat's out of the bag. We are moving houses. This has caused a lot of stress over the last year, and frankly has been the cause of a lot of my overeating. But it's one of those things that you don't really want to talk about you know? I'm not entirely too happy to be moving out of this house after 23 years into a much smaller house. But it has to be done. So we are in the (horrible) process of going through an entire house and deciding what can be kept and what can't. Oh and we have about 2-3 weeks to do all this. Oy. Vey. And throw a yard sale in there somehow.

At this point I am just trying to maintain all the weight I have gained back. Funny thing to say huh? I am only 4 pounds away from what I was when I started this blog. That doesn't excite me very much. But I know that it's just a season. That I will get back into a more motivated mode. Right now it's all I can do to work and try to pack and sleep. Except I have had things to do every night this week because I am leaving tomorrow for a wedding 4 hours away. Bad timing to take a trip for sure. But as of right now I have everything packed except toiletries. So I feel like I'm doing good sort of LOL!

So right now my life is full of boxes and clutter and busyness. Not really where I wanted to be right before the end of school, but it's where I am at. Hoping to stay on track.

Wednesday weigh in Week 68

So as I was eating dinner last night, realizing that I was weighing in today I decided that it wasn't my most brilliant idea to eat so much sodium yesterday. And yep. Up on the scale. Go figure. Not surprised at all this morning...

So I am trying something new. It's called a soy latte. ;) I finally bought some soy milk to try to make a latte at home with it. I have tried just about every other kind of milk to try to make them with so I'm not drinking cows milk. I have just been rather hesitant about drinking soy. But I decided I was spending too much money (and calories) at the coffee shop and I just really needed to make my coffee at home again. Since I obviously haven't given it up. I did however go back to decaf. I have determined that too much caffeine will make my heart hurt. Like it's just tight. So I have switched to decaf. And hope that will help. Well lo and behold my first latte wasn't horrible. It didn't change the flavor of the drink too much. Not to mention it has less calories than milk but that was never really the issue. Except when I was buying an iced coffee at the coffee house and getting more than half a cup a day :0) But it still makes a decent cup of coffee for the girl allergic to milk. And now that I am making it at home again I will be saving a lot of calories. Good grief, I don't need all that syrup. Especially when I have good coffee ;) Like Stumptown. I have gone back down to about 3-4 teaspoons of syrup instead of 3-5 pumps. At any rate it works :) And maybe I will get used to it. I still don't think I would drink a cup of soy milk by itself..but for coffee...not the worst thing in the world.

Wednesday Weigh in Week 67

Wow. 67 weeks. I feel like I have been doing a really great job maintaining...a place where I don't want to be. Haha. But. I plow on. Because I never know when the day that the A-ha moment will happen and it will click and fall into place. I don't think it was today, but yesterday was a beginning. :)

I finally met up with a friend and had her show me how she thinks I should be doing that two week plan that I mentioned the other day. Because in all honesty having someone else watch your form really helps you figure out how to do it. Plus I knew that I was doing some of them wrong, and that's probably what helped me hurt my back a couple of weeks ago. So basically. I round my back instead of keeping it straight. And I need to draw my shoulders back :) And there were a couple exercises we modified due to my knee. But I will get that thing strengthened darn it and get over my fear of hurting it again while doing squats or lunges. But a lot of that comes with losing weight so I don't have as much pressure on it :( See it all works together.

And I was using 5 to 10 pound weights at her house and let me tell you. I am sore today! But in a good way! I spent part of today looking around for 5 pound weights. I have 2, 3, and 10 pounds. And I think right now I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and use the 10's. I might have to not do as many reps, but I will build up to it :) I might hit up Goodwill tomorrow and see if they have any, but I'm probably not going to look much farther than that. If I can only do 3 with good form, than I'm only going to do 3, but that's 3 more than I have been doing.

I got my (second) pair of shoes for the wedding that I'm going to, and I think these ones might work! They pull a little bit when I walk but I don't think I'm going to be doing too much walking in them. And I might have to see about trying to get them to stay on my ankle more. But they fit. And they will look cute with the dress! This whole formal thing got me this time. This is a pretty nice outfit LOL!.