Wednesday Weigh in Week 53

Alrighty Steph. There ya go, Week 53 ;)

Well Christmas is over and done with. Man the day after Christmas sometimes seems like a major letdown! You have this giant build up to Christmas and deadlines and making sure all the presents are bought (or at my house made) and wrapped and food is made and then it happens. And then you wake up the day after Christmas. And you eat all your Christmas candy to "get rid of it" because January 1st is coming you know, and there is a New Year's resolution just waiting to be made and broken. I mean I literally have consumed way more amounts of sugar today than a person should. Well actually I have consumed way more in the past 3 days. No wonder I have a headache right now. This sugar coma is going to be a doozy to get rid of.

But I did manage to get up this morning and weigh myself before the boys got out of bed. I *only* gained .6 pounds last week. Which brings my year end total to 12 pounds.

12 pounds.

That's not exactly Finishing What I Start. But I am fully aware of my actions and I am not really making any excuses for them. I didn't workout like I should have and I didn't eat like I should have. And there you go. I didn't lose weight. Although ironically enough 12 pounds is 10% of what I really wanted to lose.

I did learn a lot about myself this year though.

I learned I do really good with deadlines and goals. I had a goal to lose weight by a friend's wedding in March and I did that. But once the wedding came and I "cheated" on my eating, I never did get back eating right the rest of the year. And once again, I will be losing weight for a wedding. Though I'm not in it, I am attending it ;) And that's still the same.

I learned that I am a HUGE stress eater. When I don't know how to control things and circumstances come up that there is nothing I can do about them, I will eat. And eat. And eat. I will eat to deal with things too. Food has always been my turn to comfort. It's always been there. Even in secret. I ate due to circumstances that were beyond my control and the food was the only thing I could control. It's like I punish myself with food. It seems like it would be a reward. But a lot of times it was just how much food can I shove in my mouth before I forget about my problems...

I learned that I am allergic to a lot of foods. Which is horrifying. Because it's all foods that I love. So all this food I love is hurting my body and I still continue to eat it. Because I can't seem to give it up. Well the peanuts I  gave up immediately. I haven't had peanut butter anything since July of this year. That number was so off the charts scary I have no idea how I wasn't sick from it. But giving up milk, cheese, and ice cream and eggs is like a big sad thing. I have to learn how to say No and stick with it. And I just might see my body change.

BUT.

I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I started the Couch to 5k not once, but twice this year. The first time I did it all the way completely without missing a day. The second time I actually skipped the last two weeks almost and just got straight to running for 30 minutes. When I was really doing well I was running consistently 3 times a week. And that's good for me! Just changing and running right after work was a really good time for me. Except now. LOL. Now I get off work at 3:30 and it's getting dark by 4:15. Not enough time to get my runs in :/
 I actually enjoy the plan I made for my Bloomsday training, I just need to get back to it and stick to it. (Which I will be doing as soon as I get my gym cleaned up. It turned into extra craft room this year and has sawdust all over it because we were cutting wood inside because it was too windy outside. Now there is a layer of sawdust everywhere :/)

I learned that I kinda sorta like to run. It's definitely good me time. I have learned however that living in the desert it's hard to find a good time to run that I'm not running in 90+ weather. I had very good intentions over the summer, but I can't get up and go in the mornings when I have the boys and my mom is already at work. So we might have to work something out this summer. We will see. Spring and Fall running was amazing. Haven't made it out a whole lot this winter, but now that I have my new Garmin, I will be getting out there more. Nothing like a new toy to get you re-motivated. As well as signing up for Bloomsday. I gotta talk to my buddies and make sure it's still a go. I know none of us have been following the plan hardly at all. But there is still 5 months to go, and I know I will be ready by then :)

So the goal over the next few days is to not continue to beat myself up mentally over not completing my goal. I am lighter slightly than I was last year. And that's good. I just need some determination to stick around and the willpower to accomplish what I want to. January is the time of year where I get all hard core about this. And then I usually taper off about March. So the goal is to make it through to April :) And beyond. The magic number every month is 9 LOL! 9 pounds a month. Seems so easy peasy on paper. I just need it to be easy peasy in life. I will of course be coming up with some new goals. I know I am going to have to make eating goals and working out goals every month to make this work for the next year. But I am a goal maker for sure. I just need to be a goal finisher..

Finishing the goal. Finishing what I start. Still happening.

<3

Wednesday Weigh in Week 45

Boy am I ever ready to put October behind me! Here's to November. Hoping for better results! Being sick wasn't too kind to me last week. I did manage to do all my workouts for my Bloomsday training, but I hit a wall on Monday. I came home slightly feverish, did my cross-training workout on the bike. I mean I didn't try to go too hard because I knew I wasn't feeling good. I went about 12 mph on there for half an hour. But right before bed my head started hurting, and when I woke up on Tuesday it was still hurting! So needless to say I made the decision to go to work AND not work out on Tuesday due a huge headache and way too much caffeine :( I really went back and forth on it. Because I knew if I missed just ONE workout that I would just want to quit and give up. I mean yeah. I worked all day today and then came home and went trick or treating with the boys. And you better bet I dang well counted that for my cross training tonight! I am stiff and sore LOL! But I will be back at it tomorrow. I haven't decided if I'm gonna try to do my week two runs 3 days in a row or just bag the first run. I'm pretty early into it, so I think it will be ok.

My brother's costumes were a big hit this year :) My engineer of a sister made them into Lego's. Think Indiana Jones and a robot Lego :) Everyone loved them and complimented them on them. :) They were much better than all the scary costumes I kept seeing. I have to say Halloween is my LEAST favorite holiday. I don't quite like the idea of sugaring up children like that, or necessarily agree with the Holiday.  I know I'm gonna have a bunch of cranky pre-schoolers tomorrow that's for sure. I just wish it were Friday already haha! But I guess tomorrow is close enough :) My pre-schoolers don't come on Friday, so we like to think of Thursday's as Friday in my class :0)

Sometimes I feel like it's hard having goals in weight loss because I never feel like I accomplish them. So I didn't lose two pounds this week :( So does that mean I'm not going to get to 199 by the end of the year? I don't know? It's just so hard to focus and be so determined during the holidays. I feel like Halloween kicks that off and now it's like downhill to the end of the year! I mean I have 8 weeks. At that point I will have to lose 3 pounds a week to meet that goal. It just doesn't feel attainable :( But I keep going. Even if I get back down to 210 or 205 even that's still a 35 pound loss for the year. And that's still a good thing :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 21

Yep. Survival Mode still. Well that and I'm a girl. And that's all I'm going to say about that. I am currently sitting in my pajama's fighting the urge to go and buy ice cream. My mind is telling me that it really needs a blizzard. My stomach isn't completely full. I was thinking about eating a piece of pizza in a little bit. That might help with this ice cream problem.

What I really need to do is get back to my gluten free diet. For the last couple of days I have this spot in my mouth that I am pretty sure is candida related. And I could probably get rid of it by going back to GF. My life is quite stressful at the moment. So I am just coping by using food. Sometimes I wish I was the other way around. Coping by not eating. But then again I want to be healthy. Or at least coping by working out. I still haven't figured out how to be home to take care of family and work out. I literally want to go to bed the second I know the boys are asleep because I am just so tired. Let's be real here. Getting up by 5:30 to take care of dog/Mom/boys, get me ready for work, work 7 hours, cook dinner, do baths, read stories, put boys to bed, clean the kitchen and try to keep my eyes open until 9 doesn't somehow include exercise. But it does include stuffing my face. Sometimes stuffing it to stay awake. Last night I crawled into bed at 8 hoping to get some much needed sleep. Yeah. I felt like I woke up every hour. Or to say the least felt like I rolled over a million times. It's 7 now and I am ready to crawl back into bed. Sometimes the dishes are just gonna stay dirty.

And I know it's bad to think that I'm really not all that concerned that my weight is going up and down right now. I think partly it's due to not wanting to beat myself up for not being on track to my goal. But circumstantially right now, I don't feel like I am doing all that bad. I haven't gained it all back. I'm at least being honest with myself. I'm under a 10 pound gain. I really just need to get through the next 3 weeks and then I will be able to get back to being really serious. Or that's what I keep telling myself in my head.

A celebrating weekend!

Yes. I should be in bed. Yes I am exhausted. But I figured I should say something at least real quick ;)

This weekend I had the bridal shower at my house and then tonight we celebrated my sister's birthday with dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then cake and ice cream at the Grandparent's house. The shower was great! We had a lot of people show up, they ate the food and gave her great presents. Well except the cupcakes that are still sitting on my table. Those I think my sister are taking to work. I ended up at the very end only grabbing a handful of gluten free tortilla chips that my friend had brought. So I did really good eating wise at the party. After everyone left and we ate dinner my friend and I (who is other maid of honor) literally sat on the couch for almost 3 hours just talking and playing games on our I-phones. We are great friends! :)

Then this morning I ended up covering for another friend on the worship team who ended up being sick. So I ended up at church early even though I thought I was gonna stay home LOL! I guess that's the way it goes. Church was awesome.

Then for dinner we went to Texas Roadhouse. Now it just opened up a few months ago, so it's all the rage right now. I just wasn't impressed. For one thing. I am not a steak or rib eater. Ok? I really just don't like eating meat off the bone. Never have. And it was honestly expensive. I don't pay that much for dinner. Anything over 10.00 and you can just bet I won't buy it. Unless I am at Olive Garden. Which I don't foresee in my future right now after going gluten free. Back to the Roadhouse. I don't know if it was just because I was with people all weekend long? But by 5:00 and they dimmed all the lights so you couldn't see and then they were BLARING country music and the waitresses were line dancing and people were screaming happy birthday songs to people and trying to find something on the menu that I could actually eat. Well I just wasn't very happy. It was hard to even talk around the table, the music was so loud. I ended up with a side of fries and a small bowl of chili, which wasn't all that great to me. Hey. At least the fries were good :) I guess I'm still a cheap date. My meal ended up being 6.00. Woo! Happy Birthday Chana.

Then off we went to the Grandparent's house. I basically stayed out of the kitchen. Would I love cake and ice cream right now? Oh yes I would! But what I would not want is all the sugar cravings to come back after so long of cutting it way back. So I said no.

I am telling you that this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. It's not that I just don't want it. But it affects me differently. I really have been looking at it like I am allergic to sugar. It just does bad things to me. And I can't do it anymore. That's not saying I don't miss it. I just have a better reason to say no.

oh I forgot to add that I did go for my run yesterday. And it was sort of raining. kind of more like spitting. ;) I am still amazed that I can run for as long as I am. This week I jump to 4 minutes at a time. So I am kind of excited for saturday to see if I can make it around the track in 4 minutes. That would be awesome!