what to do what to do?

So I've had Blogger open on my computer all day, I've just been trying to figure out what to write. Haha. Go figure.

Christmas was great :0) I was given a lot of coffee. Haha..Sounds like a great Christmas to me! I got two bags of my favorite coffee, and a gift card to the place that sells it. Another gift card to a different coffee place in town and a couple of K-cups to try out at my grandma's house. I'm still undecided on if I actually want a Keurig or not. All the different kinds of coffee that I have tried I haven't been a big fan of. Well truthfully I'm not a big fan of the taste of coffee...I enjoy the milk and the syrup flavor way more than I like the coffee ;) So I'm still deciding on that. Santa was gonna bring me one I'm pretty sure..but I didn't know if I wanted it or not. So I got nothing. Haha..Well from Santa anyways. I ended up with lots of little things that I needed, so that was great. A big comfy pillow, (the boomerang pillow anyone? yeah. I really like it actually), some slippers, pjs, a little massager thing, my calendar..yep..it was a nice Christmas. Until we blew all the breakers while cooking dinner..But they came back on and we were able to finish up in time. :0)

Which leads me to after Christmas. Boy oh boy, have I had the case of the lazy's! I have not wanted to do a thing. And I pretty much haven't really. Yesterday I took the recycling in. 75 pounds of paper and cardboard. For all my hard work I got 1.50. Yep good thing I don't recycle for money! Haha..I just feel better not throwing everything away. I'm just weird like that I guess..

I literally have been on my bed again all day. Except for when I had a nice bath. I've been trying to find a song to sing for my New Year's Eve party at church this year, and nothing has really jumped out at me. True to form, I'm waiting until last minute again, but even last year I found something late but I don't know this year. I guess I will see.

I've had a headache since Christmas Eve pretty much. I don't know if it's a lack of coffee that's not decaf or if it's foods that I'm eating or what? We have had some stagnant air around here lately and that could also be a cause, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Starting with water aerobics tomorrow. I've had too long of a break, and I'm really ready to get started. Doesn't help that I can't swim a week out of the month ;) But I will get used to that I suppose. It's nice to have breaks every now and then. And then I was looking for new swimsuits. I haven't been in the water much in the one I currently have but oh boy, I can tell it's starting to wear out. So I've found one I like today, I was just waiting on buying it...why I don't know lol! but I was. Probably because I'm trying to not spend so much money..but this is going to be a need with all the swimming I am going to be doing.

I'm getting back into my I want to make a list mode. Which is good and bad. Good because I like to make lists of things I want to do. Bad because once I make a list I hardly ever do anything with it. Which just happens to be my goal next year :-) To get myself to be accountable for finishing things that I start...imagine that!

I think I've just got the munchies...starting to get into the eat everything I want before I start eating healthy again. Does everyone do that. I've had no shame in eating the leftover Christmas cookies and pretzels. :) I mean I'm not stuffed completely..but I wasn't about to not eat them. And I would have had velveeta dip and chips all day today if I had a can of chili to put in it haha. I guess I will save that for another day. I'm going to be serious about a new eating lifestyle change. Going back to dairy and gluten free. Which means I'm going to be eating a lot by myself haha! I'm pretty sure every meal we make involves one or both of them. It's going to be my biggest struggle..but worth it in the end when my body feels so much better!

Well I'm off to figure out January goals. Or go back to sleep ;0) One of the two!

Wednesday weigh in Week 104

Well. I've made the decision that I will no longer be doing Wednesday Weigh ins.  In fact this is going to be my last Wednesday Weigh in because heck...who really wants to weigh themselves on Christmas morning!

The other morning I was coaching a friend, when really I was preaching to the choir like I like to do so well. She was scared about getting to her goal weight and then worried about gaining it all back. She has done amazing and really has like 2 or 3 pounds to go before hitting goal. Maintenance scares her. I spent some time telling her that the number on the scale doesn't define her. She can't live her life in fear of gaining all her weight back because that's what will happen. We go where we look. So if all she is doing is living in fear of gaining it back then that's what she will do. But if she lives her life and stays within her points and works out to maintain what she has lost, well then barring any weird medical reasons she should be fine. To LIVE. To not be obsessed over the scale and food. You know. That sort of pep talk :0)

And then I spent the next hour applying this to my life. I'm pretty sure we do the best thinking in the bathtub right? And that's where I decided it was time to be changing this blog up. I've been blogging for 2 years now. Pretty faithfully at least once a week. ;) And well I think I've gained and lost and gained and lost and somehow I think I am about 3 pounds heavier than what I started with 2 years ago. So posting my weight isn't really doing anything for me right now. Weight loss isn't really happening. And my life seems to be suffering.

So I'm taking the year off.

I went this summer without weighing myself. And I really enjoyed it. Haha..of course. I learned that I still need accountability. But it was nice to not feel like I was controlled by the number on the scale.

So my rough draft plan is to weigh myself on the 31st of December 2013, and then not weigh myself again until January 1, 2015. (WOAH. I just wrote that! That seems weird).

Now do I expect to lose weight. Oh absolutely.

But what I want to really do is shift my life around. I have spent much of my adult life OBSESSING over losing weight. I have let it control every aspect of my life on whether I do or don't do things,and  on who I think of myself as. I see the number on the scale. I see the fat girl. I see someone who at times I can't stand to be around so why should anyone else. I have become so inwardly focused on losing weight that I really haven't done much else with my life.

So that's what 2014 needs to be about. Re-prioritizing my life.

That doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgo exercising and learning how to eat healthier. Those are very much going to be goals. They just aren't going to be the focus of my life. I'm going to sit down and make some monthly goals of things that don't pertain to weight and I want to do what my blog is all about: Finishing what I start. It's more than weight. I need to learn how to get myself off of the foods that I'm allergic to. I need to figure out how to get my toenails cleared up. I need to figure out how to lower my debt so I can move out into my own apartment. I need to figure out a schedule so I can continue going to school and getting a degree.

There is more to life than weight loss. And I am going to spend my 2014 doing that. So the blog will be different in January. Opening my life up to other goals that I need to accomplish. I might be a little more boring. Or I might not...you never know ;) It's time to restart life without a scale. Without my life depending on that number. Now I might go the whole year and not lose anything. Well that would suck. Not gonna lie. But if I end up happier and mentally healthier than that would be worth it in the end. I wanna see some goals checked off my list next year. And I believe that this is the way to do it. Some things happen for a season. And there might be a season when Wednesday weigh ins come back. And that would be great. Or it might be retired for good. Who knows. I have a year to figure that out.

Can you lose weight long term and not weight yourself? I have no idea. But I'm about to find out. It's going to be an interesting year for sure. But I am looking forward to it. I'm ready for a change, and I think this will be good for me.

So stick around and see what happens? :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 103

Oh boy. I hit that number :/ I'm feeling just a little wonky this week. Slightly backed up. Maybe dehydrated. But life still presses on. I'm scheming up plans for the new year and just really trying to make it the next 7 days at work. I have 7 days of work left this year. Boy if that's not exciting I don't know what is. And my preschoolers are beyond ready for Christmas break. And so am I. Off to bed to rest my body!

Wednesday Weigh in week 102

Boy I am ready for a new week haha! I think it comes with not actually working a whole lot during the month of November..and then going to 3 straight weeks of kids every day. It's a little tiring. Then you throw in life and school and church and all that. Let's just say I stayed in bed until 6:30 this am and that's reaaaaaaallly pushing it. I was so warm and cozy in my bed however. I looked at my phone and I'm just not a big fan of this 10 degrees and feels like 2. We finally had indoor recess today. Simply because even at 25 degrees it's no fun for a preschooler to go outside. So we did indoor stuff.

Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.

Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)