Wednesday Weigh in Week 79

Well, I am here to say that week one of do not weigh myself and not stress about weigh in came and went...and I don't think it went very well?

But then again, I am my own worst critic.

On the bright side of it all, I did manage to get a workout in! Oh man. I'm pretty sure it's the first time that I have worked out in the last 3 months maybe? I don't know. At any rate, I got my garmin all charged up, and my new running shoes on, and I went for a walk around my block. Haha..So the area that we just moved into, is kind of like a huge rectangle. So I walked the huge rectangle, expecting it to be around 3 miles. Well I was close..it ended up being 2.5 miles. Which still isn't horrible. I was hoping for 3 miles. For some reason in my head 3 miles seems like a minimum workout to me? Like if I don't get 3 miles in it's not worth it?

I'm weird..I know.

I let emotional eating get the best of me this week. I seriously need to buckle down, for my body and for my credit card's sake ;) I'm getting pretty determined to go all hard core on my diet again and seriously cut the dairy and gluten out. And eggs when at all possible. I mean I know eggs are baked into things. But if I can avoid most of that too, I will be doing good. I have been really hesitant pinning things on Pinterest because it's just a lot of dang work. It requires separate meals from my entire family. They have no desire to go gluten free. Nor do they need to. I don't really need to per se, but if I think about the blood type diet, gluten isn't good for my blood type. And I need to find an easy breakfast solution. Cinnamon sugar toast just ain't cutting it anymore. But a no gluten, no dairy, and no egg breakfast that's easy to make? Umm, I really have no desire to eat oatmeal every day. I did that once for a challenge and I really haven't touched the stuff again.

But back before I even knew I was allergic to all that stuff, and I cut it out at the beginning of the year because I thought I had Candida. I dropped almost 25 pounds in 3 months! So if I can wrap my head around that and remember those things. Yes, making and buying my own food is going to be hard. But if in the next half a year, since that's what I have left this year. But if I could lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months that would be amazing! And really it's quite do-able. So yeah. That's what I NEED to be doing.

So I'm thinking about being very stupid and starting a squat challenge next month. It's something I pinned that takes you in a month ending up doing 200 squats a month. Um yeah. I hate squats. But I want strong knees. And a strong backside really helps with running :0) So basically there are 5 squats that it has you do and you end up doing so many of them a day. In the end you do 10 reps of all 5 squats 4 times and that's your 200 squats a day. Sounds interesting enough. But can I do it? 3 days of squats and then a day of rest. And then it just repeats itself. I don't know if my back can handle it or not, or even my knees. I guess I don't have to go very deep if I can't handle it. But I'm really in the mood to start a challenge and finish it! Dang it. And I kind of liked this one? Oddly enough...for me who hates squats ;)

So in a way, I'm glad I didn't weigh myself today. I'm intrigued by the idea of doing all the work (which I will be getting myself to do) and not looking for the reward. Not looking for the payout. Not trying to live my life based on the 3 digit number I see staring back at me. To get out there and life my life. Not in fear of what that number will be when I get back on the scale in September. But to realize it doesn't define me. That number isn't Dena. It might be what I weigh. But it's not my personality. It's not my smile, my mind. My anything. Culture seems to think it should define me. But I'm about to defy culture right now in the next 3 months. Will I hate all my clothes. Absolutely. I'm in the process of trying to pick out a new sports bra. I'm quite up there. Let me tell you. And the wearing 2 sports bras thing I got going on right now isn't working so hot. I ended up bleeding from my broken one. No Bueno. But can I get myself to spend the money on it? Oh geez. I wish I could go to the store and pick one out and try it on. But just like my shoes and wide width. They just don't go carrying DDD sports bras in the store. Hello Amazon. /end rant.

Speaking of shoes!! I bought 3 pairs this week! My running shoes came in. Which I am ecstatic to say they have PURPLE in them! I have never in my life owned a "cute" pair of running shoes. All the shoes I have ordered have been grey and blue or white and blue. Well I think I about scared the guy at the running store when he opened the box and I let out a squeal about them being grey and purple. I have cute running shoes! He mumbled something about them having new colors every year and something something..but yeah. I am excited. And then I just happened to try this pair of sandals on at Payless Shoesource. Now granted I haven't been able to fit into their shoes for a good 10 years (since I worked there). Well I slipped these on and to my shock and surprise they fit me too. They are a little to long in front, but that's ok. I ended up buying the tan pair that day. (2 pairs of shoes in one day?!?) And then I went back the following day and got a black pair. This never happens to me. I would just like to say. I pretty much just doubled the amount of shoes that I own in 2 days. I have 3 pairs that I wear consistently: a pair of flip flops (men's cause they fit better), a pair of backless clog type slip on casual shoe, and my running shoes. Then I have the nice dress shoes I just bought for the wedding I went to in April, and 2 other sandal dress shoes. I felt like such a girl coming home with all these shoes. Anyways. That was a joy for me this week haha..

And I am happy to report that I am just about unpacked and all moved into my new house (at least my PERSONAL stuff is). I have found a place for all my stuff, or it is conveniently hiding behind a door or in a drawer for me to sort through later. I have a friend coming to hang pictures with me tomorrow and everything will have its place. It's kind of exciting.

Now that I've rambled on ;) I am going to do a yoga thing on youtube and go to bed! I have woken up so stiff lately, that I want to see if this will help me at all, It's 20 minutes of gently stretching. Nothing bad :)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 78

Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.

But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.

But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.

I need a break from the scale.

But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.

So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!

I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)

On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)

And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.

So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)

Small goal, huge victory?!?

Haha, well Steph, I did say I was going to post more than once didn't I? I better do it then!

At the beginning of the school year, I had made myself a goal. I was not going to buy anything out of the vending machine this ENTIRE school year.

So let's back up on that one. You see, last school year when my mom ended up having surgery and life went out of whack and blah blah blah, I spent a lot of $1 bills on this pack of cookies that had 600 calories in it. I bought a lot of them...and ate them all in one sitting of course. So at the end of the summer I thought it would be a good idea to not buy anything at all the next school year. Because I really didn't want to eat 600 calories worth of cookies every day.

But I didn't tell anyone my goal of course. I don't know why...I guess it was more of an internal goal. But I still made the goal nonetheless and off we went into the school year. Which still brought more trials and unimaginable things that surely I could have eaten my way through. Which, coincidentally I did. Mind you, I just didn't get the food out of the vending machine :)

About halfway through the year I texted my former teacher and told her that I hadn't bought anything all year! She was proud of me haha, because she had bought a lot of the same cookies, just not as many as me ;) And then I did tell my new teacher and other para at some point in the year because we would talk about me not buying anything and how close I was to the end of the year.

Now I still consider this a victory. I held off an entire year and didn't get anything from a vending machine, that might seem silly to some people. But for me it's huge. And the funny thing was, at some point during the year the cookies that I have always gotten got replaced with some chocolate kind so I couldn't have eaten them anyway. 

But it still didn't stop me from getting in the car and going to get a coffee and a cookie from my favorite local coffee shop that is conveniently just up the street from my work. Yes. if I time it right, I can get there, get my coffee and get back in my 15 minute break.  But I didn't buy anything from the vending machine.

It's a black and white thing for me, there isn't much gray. I can either buy things from the vending machine or I can't. As I was doing some grocery shopping today I was looking down the aisle and looking at things going, well I can't have that in the house and I can't have this in the house. It's just not a good thing. I will eat an entire sleeve of graham crackers at a time. I went through a package of golden oreos in 3 days. And I could have done it much sooner too. And don't even ask me to keep Nillas in the house. Or brown sugar pop tarts. And I have been known to eat an entire box of mac and cheese. Just saying.

So at this point, I think that next school year, I probably won't be tempted to buy anything from the machine. It became really easy to not buy the peanuts when I found out I was allergic to them, but I have become so used to just eating the other food I'm allergic to and dealing with the stomach consequences. I'm just letting you know that having 2 Dutch Bros Iced Kickers a day is not so good on my stomach...let alone 1000 calories that I don't need to be drinking. I was actually looking forward to my soy drink yesterday morning. Trying to get through the last week of the move was hard and it was just easier to buy the coffee. Plus my little coffee maker is not working so well, and I don't want to use the 6 cup one all the time. I either will need a new gasket or I will be buying a 3 cup coffee pot soon. :)

Well that was just lots of rambling. I still am going to post about the house a bit, but I need to get my pictures on my computer for that. And that means figuring out my Windows 8 stuff and getting all my stuff transferred from on computer to the other. Oh the joys of being a non tech person!

Wednesday Weigh in week 77

Not much to report on the weight. I stayed at 243. I am not doing a picture today because I am still trying to get my new computer all figured out and I wasn't going to battle with Windows 8 this late at night :0) When we moved in and it was the hot week from H....and the air conditioner was broken it fried what was left of the battery in my old laptop. So I powered on for a few weeks with it flashing at me, until it finally beeped at me and told me it didn't recognize the battery. Oh. joy. So I begrudgingly ordered a new one and it came on Monday. But I have been so busy organizing the house from the move that I haven't played on the computer too much. But I can say it's an amazing feeling to not be attached to a cord again. I'm enjoying a battery that will last me for 5 hours and not a cord plugged in for all of time. I just need to find the time to get files switched over and the likes of all that. It will happen, I just have other things that will happen in front of it :)

I started and mostly finished a huge project today. With the help of my mom and my friend. I will talk more about it later, and maybe even post a before and after picture. But for right now I'm tired and need to get heading to bed...the alarm is going to go off way to early, and my project took up 12 hours today! Oy.

A couple of friends and I decided yesterday that we are getting back on track :0) All 3 of us. And we shall be reconnecting :) Just like on our sparkpeople page! Except we are doing a lot of it on FB too. Haha..

I have other thoughts swirling around in my head of things I want to post, so I will probably be posting more often :) That's a good sign of me being on track too, haha..more than one post a week.

:0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 76

You know it's about that time of the month when you go "whew! I only gained a pound!"

Huh? Hahaha

So I'm only up a pound. And somehow that's still ok. I'm so on the cusp of "freedom" Or being completely moved out of the old house. Or 11 weeks of summer vacation. Or all of it together.

And I was so disappointed that I forgot I was going to go running today. It's national running day. And of course it was stinking hot. Plus Wednesdays just aren't that good for me. And by the time I remembered, it was too late. Sad. I will be back to running soon though. I miss it for sure..And I'm pretty sure my body misses it too ;)

I was reading a blog today and she was talking about a scale that doesn't give you your weight when you step on it...it tells you (after you set it for the first time) what you have lost from that initial number or gained from it. I'm thinking that's kinda cool. And it's pretty decently priced for a scale. I'm considering checking it out. Not that I'm really obsessed with the number on the scale...I know its just a number and that our bodies just do things differently. But it might just take away something I don't know. I will see. I'm really just hoping that I win the giveaway she is doing on her blog ;) Then I won't have to buy it! *fingers crossed*