Wednesday Weigh in Week 41

Well, the inevitable happened last night. My grandpa passed away. For us to know it was happening and have to slowly watch it was not fun at all. But the actual speed of it was quicker than we had thought. Sunday wasn't a good day, and the nurse and my grandma couldn't get him to wake up for his dialysis treatment on Monday, and then last night around 6 he was gone. The stubborn old man waited until no one was with him before he left. Which left my grandma in tears. We had a text saying come say goodbye, and by the time my aunt and sister had gotten the two blocks from our house to theirs he was already gone. We weren't expecting this until at least Friday. But it's here. And he isn't in pain anymore, Praise the Lord. I think by the time things are so long and drawn out by the end of it, you want the death for them because, Let's face it: No pain is better than pain. And it was hard to go over and not have him recognize you. Or to see him tremble like he did in so much pain. We will forever love the nurses that were with him at the house.

I was able to be there yesterday afternoon. I was able to go in and silently say my goodbye. At that point he had been "sleeping" for over 24 hours and I knew time was close. So I spent a few hours with my grandma and uncle and the nurse. Not knowing that within 4 hours he would be gone. But knowing it was soon.

And after my mom went over and came back I went back over and was there with the family. And didn't cry until I saw my uncle weeping. Which still brings me to tears. A man crying will get me every every time. And then I went and bought cookies. And promptly ate 3 of them. Because Dairy Queen was closed and I couldn't get ice cream. So there you go. Still treating myself with food.

So today I am home again. Mom has some more appointments today because she is still in so much pain from the surgery. She barely made it home from Spokane before he passed away. And life will keep going. Although a little more somber than it has been. And there will be a new normal of things. Slowly. I honestly haven't lost a grandparent in 25 years. I have forgotten what that feeling is like. Although I lost my Dad 8 years ago. And this reminded me of that so much. And its that pain and remembering that's the hardest. How similar the endings were.

And now I have to prepare to sing for the Patriarch of our clan. The one who wants a Halloween Bach played at his service, fitting that he passed away in October.  And Amazing Grace. Although probably not the version he knew so well. ;)

Weight wise I pretty much stayed even. Just a couple ounces less than I was last week, and if all I can do is maintain this week I am perfectly ok with that.