what to do what to do?

So I've had Blogger open on my computer all day, I've just been trying to figure out what to write. Haha. Go figure.

Christmas was great :0) I was given a lot of coffee. Haha..Sounds like a great Christmas to me! I got two bags of my favorite coffee, and a gift card to the place that sells it. Another gift card to a different coffee place in town and a couple of K-cups to try out at my grandma's house. I'm still undecided on if I actually want a Keurig or not. All the different kinds of coffee that I have tried I haven't been a big fan of. Well truthfully I'm not a big fan of the taste of coffee...I enjoy the milk and the syrup flavor way more than I like the coffee ;) So I'm still deciding on that. Santa was gonna bring me one I'm pretty sure..but I didn't know if I wanted it or not. So I got nothing. Haha..Well from Santa anyways. I ended up with lots of little things that I needed, so that was great. A big comfy pillow, (the boomerang pillow anyone? yeah. I really like it actually), some slippers, pjs, a little massager thing, my calendar..yep..it was a nice Christmas. Until we blew all the breakers while cooking dinner..But they came back on and we were able to finish up in time. :0)

Which leads me to after Christmas. Boy oh boy, have I had the case of the lazy's! I have not wanted to do a thing. And I pretty much haven't really. Yesterday I took the recycling in. 75 pounds of paper and cardboard. For all my hard work I got 1.50. Yep good thing I don't recycle for money! Haha..I just feel better not throwing everything away. I'm just weird like that I guess..

I literally have been on my bed again all day. Except for when I had a nice bath. I've been trying to find a song to sing for my New Year's Eve party at church this year, and nothing has really jumped out at me. True to form, I'm waiting until last minute again, but even last year I found something late but I don't know this year. I guess I will see.

I've had a headache since Christmas Eve pretty much. I don't know if it's a lack of coffee that's not decaf or if it's foods that I'm eating or what? We have had some stagnant air around here lately and that could also be a cause, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Starting with water aerobics tomorrow. I've had too long of a break, and I'm really ready to get started. Doesn't help that I can't swim a week out of the month ;) But I will get used to that I suppose. It's nice to have breaks every now and then. And then I was looking for new swimsuits. I haven't been in the water much in the one I currently have but oh boy, I can tell it's starting to wear out. So I've found one I like today, I was just waiting on buying it...why I don't know lol! but I was. Probably because I'm trying to not spend so much money..but this is going to be a need with all the swimming I am going to be doing.

I'm getting back into my I want to make a list mode. Which is good and bad. Good because I like to make lists of things I want to do. Bad because once I make a list I hardly ever do anything with it. Which just happens to be my goal next year :-) To get myself to be accountable for finishing things that I start...imagine that!

I think I've just got the munchies...starting to get into the eat everything I want before I start eating healthy again. Does everyone do that. I've had no shame in eating the leftover Christmas cookies and pretzels. :) I mean I'm not stuffed completely..but I wasn't about to not eat them. And I would have had velveeta dip and chips all day today if I had a can of chili to put in it haha. I guess I will save that for another day. I'm going to be serious about a new eating lifestyle change. Going back to dairy and gluten free. Which means I'm going to be eating a lot by myself haha! I'm pretty sure every meal we make involves one or both of them. It's going to be my biggest struggle..but worth it in the end when my body feels so much better!

Well I'm off to figure out January goals. Or go back to sleep ;0) One of the two!

Wednesday weigh in week 101

Well that was an interesting week! I felt very encouraged by the feedback that I got from some people on my post. I haven't posted my updates on facebook in a while, really because I haven't really been losing weight, and while yes, I still post....I just know it will only be a few people that read it. Yet I still get on here every Wednesday and post haha!!

Let's see. I got up early on Saturday and got all ready for my water aerobics class and got to the gym for them to tell me that the pool had flooded and classes had been cancelled until they got it fixed. Of course I got lots of good ribbing...um how does a pool flood? But I'm still proud of the fact that I got myself up and got to the gym..whether or not I got a workout in. And no I didn't have any other workout gear with me...I was in my swimsuit and flip flops...so I went home and showered and got on with my busy day ;) I mean I wasn't too horribly mad. I'm just getting myself into the routine of actually getting up and getting myself there...and I think it will all fall into place. I had to pretend to study for my test that I took this morning.

Sunday we had a Thanksgiving meal with our church after service..That's always fun :) I'm not to keen on potlucks because I don't really know what's in the things that people make and whether or not I'm allergic, but I did get some turkey and rice and jello and a roll.

Monday night I finally sat down and looked at the study guide for my college assessment test. I promptly freaked out and had all sorts of anxiety, pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows and wanting to eat everything in sight. People. Math is just never going to be my friend. Don't ask me to do geometry or trig..It's just not going to happen.

Tuesday night I did my Final Presentation in my Early Childhood Education class. Well actually I had to do 2 presentations haha..but the little one I wasn't too worried about. The lesson I learned was that I need to follow up when I send something to the Teacher to print. Needless to say our songs are going to be passed out next week...;) Now I just have to finish up my songbook to turn in next week and I am officially done with my first quarter as a college student!

Which leads me to today: My dreaded COMPASS test, haha...I mean lets be real here...I graduated in 1999. So that means I really haven't done math since oh 1997? No seriously. I barely got through Algebra. And probably with a C or something..I mean I really don't remember. But somewhere along the road of life, I dumped math out and put music in. I mean that's what everyone does right? So this pretest stuff had me so worried..I slept like crap last night..But made it to my test and even got it! (I was a walk in, so people had to not show up for me to do the test). Needless to say I came out of the test with a college level in Reading and Writing. And I got into Math 84. Which is not college level ;) But the Math class that I needed to make it into. Luckily I have friends that are good at math..and we will probably be setting up some tutoring dates in the near future when I get into my Math class...I'm hoping it will be offered over the summer...that would be a good time while I'm not working to be able to do that...anyways..I'm so glad it's over with and now I can get registered for some more ECE classes...after I fill out my FASFA again and get some financial aid! Cause I can't pay for college myself! Haha!!

I'm still hovering right around the same weight..I'm suspecting it's the sodium and milk. I got pretty busy last week and only got one workout in. And this week, well I'm just not going to be doing any workouts in the pool...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I'm super glad the pool is back up and I will be in class for sure on Monday night...not so sure about Saturday.

I do know that Thanksgiving is not super tempting for me..Never really has been. Let's see..I will eat turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and some jello. Well I did buy a dulche de leche cheesecake thing to make..That just might put me over the edge! Haha..but I've never been into all the sides and stuff..I don't even like gravy! I'm not a big overeater on Thanksgiving..I don't even like pumpkin pie! And I'm not big on fruit pies either. And once the peanut butter and chocolate went away, well what do you know...Christmas is another story however...I will devour those almond bark covered pretzels like nobody's business..

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday weigh in Week 89 and 90

Yeah I'm a slacker.

Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.

Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.

And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.

It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.

So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.

I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?

You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.

But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.

So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.

So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.

But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.

But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.

It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?

Wednesday Weigh in Week 79

Well, I am here to say that week one of do not weigh myself and not stress about weigh in came and went...and I don't think it went very well?

But then again, I am my own worst critic.

On the bright side of it all, I did manage to get a workout in! Oh man. I'm pretty sure it's the first time that I have worked out in the last 3 months maybe? I don't know. At any rate, I got my garmin all charged up, and my new running shoes on, and I went for a walk around my block. Haha..So the area that we just moved into, is kind of like a huge rectangle. So I walked the huge rectangle, expecting it to be around 3 miles. Well I was close..it ended up being 2.5 miles. Which still isn't horrible. I was hoping for 3 miles. For some reason in my head 3 miles seems like a minimum workout to me? Like if I don't get 3 miles in it's not worth it?

I'm weird..I know.

I let emotional eating get the best of me this week. I seriously need to buckle down, for my body and for my credit card's sake ;) I'm getting pretty determined to go all hard core on my diet again and seriously cut the dairy and gluten out. And eggs when at all possible. I mean I know eggs are baked into things. But if I can avoid most of that too, I will be doing good. I have been really hesitant pinning things on Pinterest because it's just a lot of dang work. It requires separate meals from my entire family. They have no desire to go gluten free. Nor do they need to. I don't really need to per se, but if I think about the blood type diet, gluten isn't good for my blood type. And I need to find an easy breakfast solution. Cinnamon sugar toast just ain't cutting it anymore. But a no gluten, no dairy, and no egg breakfast that's easy to make? Umm, I really have no desire to eat oatmeal every day. I did that once for a challenge and I really haven't touched the stuff again.

But back before I even knew I was allergic to all that stuff, and I cut it out at the beginning of the year because I thought I had Candida. I dropped almost 25 pounds in 3 months! So if I can wrap my head around that and remember those things. Yes, making and buying my own food is going to be hard. But if in the next half a year, since that's what I have left this year. But if I could lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months that would be amazing! And really it's quite do-able. So yeah. That's what I NEED to be doing.

So I'm thinking about being very stupid and starting a squat challenge next month. It's something I pinned that takes you in a month ending up doing 200 squats a month. Um yeah. I hate squats. But I want strong knees. And a strong backside really helps with running :0) So basically there are 5 squats that it has you do and you end up doing so many of them a day. In the end you do 10 reps of all 5 squats 4 times and that's your 200 squats a day. Sounds interesting enough. But can I do it? 3 days of squats and then a day of rest. And then it just repeats itself. I don't know if my back can handle it or not, or even my knees. I guess I don't have to go very deep if I can't handle it. But I'm really in the mood to start a challenge and finish it! Dang it. And I kind of liked this one? Oddly enough...for me who hates squats ;)

So in a way, I'm glad I didn't weigh myself today. I'm intrigued by the idea of doing all the work (which I will be getting myself to do) and not looking for the reward. Not looking for the payout. Not trying to live my life based on the 3 digit number I see staring back at me. To get out there and life my life. Not in fear of what that number will be when I get back on the scale in September. But to realize it doesn't define me. That number isn't Dena. It might be what I weigh. But it's not my personality. It's not my smile, my mind. My anything. Culture seems to think it should define me. But I'm about to defy culture right now in the next 3 months. Will I hate all my clothes. Absolutely. I'm in the process of trying to pick out a new sports bra. I'm quite up there. Let me tell you. And the wearing 2 sports bras thing I got going on right now isn't working so hot. I ended up bleeding from my broken one. No Bueno. But can I get myself to spend the money on it? Oh geez. I wish I could go to the store and pick one out and try it on. But just like my shoes and wide width. They just don't go carrying DDD sports bras in the store. Hello Amazon. /end rant.

Speaking of shoes!! I bought 3 pairs this week! My running shoes came in. Which I am ecstatic to say they have PURPLE in them! I have never in my life owned a "cute" pair of running shoes. All the shoes I have ordered have been grey and blue or white and blue. Well I think I about scared the guy at the running store when he opened the box and I let out a squeal about them being grey and purple. I have cute running shoes! He mumbled something about them having new colors every year and something something..but yeah. I am excited. And then I just happened to try this pair of sandals on at Payless Shoesource. Now granted I haven't been able to fit into their shoes for a good 10 years (since I worked there). Well I slipped these on and to my shock and surprise they fit me too. They are a little to long in front, but that's ok. I ended up buying the tan pair that day. (2 pairs of shoes in one day?!?) And then I went back the following day and got a black pair. This never happens to me. I would just like to say. I pretty much just doubled the amount of shoes that I own in 2 days. I have 3 pairs that I wear consistently: a pair of flip flops (men's cause they fit better), a pair of backless clog type slip on casual shoe, and my running shoes. Then I have the nice dress shoes I just bought for the wedding I went to in April, and 2 other sandal dress shoes. I felt like such a girl coming home with all these shoes. Anyways. That was a joy for me this week haha..

And I am happy to report that I am just about unpacked and all moved into my new house (at least my PERSONAL stuff is). I have found a place for all my stuff, or it is conveniently hiding behind a door or in a drawer for me to sort through later. I have a friend coming to hang pictures with me tomorrow and everything will have its place. It's kind of exciting.

Now that I've rambled on ;) I am going to do a yoga thing on youtube and go to bed! I have woken up so stiff lately, that I want to see if this will help me at all, It's 20 minutes of gently stretching. Nothing bad :)

Wednesday weigh in Week 68

So as I was eating dinner last night, realizing that I was weighing in today I decided that it wasn't my most brilliant idea to eat so much sodium yesterday. And yep. Up on the scale. Go figure. Not surprised at all this morning...

So I am trying something new. It's called a soy latte. ;) I finally bought some soy milk to try to make a latte at home with it. I have tried just about every other kind of milk to try to make them with so I'm not drinking cows milk. I have just been rather hesitant about drinking soy. But I decided I was spending too much money (and calories) at the coffee shop and I just really needed to make my coffee at home again. Since I obviously haven't given it up. I did however go back to decaf. I have determined that too much caffeine will make my heart hurt. Like it's just tight. So I have switched to decaf. And hope that will help. Well lo and behold my first latte wasn't horrible. It didn't change the flavor of the drink too much. Not to mention it has less calories than milk but that was never really the issue. Except when I was buying an iced coffee at the coffee house and getting more than half a cup a day :0) But it still makes a decent cup of coffee for the girl allergic to milk. And now that I am making it at home again I will be saving a lot of calories. Good grief, I don't need all that syrup. Especially when I have good coffee ;) Like Stumptown. I have gone back down to about 3-4 teaspoons of syrup instead of 3-5 pumps. At any rate it works :) And maybe I will get used to it. I still don't think I would drink a cup of soy milk by itself..but for coffee...not the worst thing in the world.

Two weeks

Oh boy, I tell you what! Nothing screams extra motivation like realizing that the wedding you are going to next month is um, FORMAL! So that means I have 6 weeks. 6 weeks to lose weight before the wedding. I mean, I'm really glad I figured this out now so I have a better idea of what to wear, it just makes the entire process a little harder now trying to find a formal outfit and shoes.

Shoes. hate. me.

Literally.

I have super wide feet. I have to buy EE shoes. Do you know how hard it is to find those that actually look good on your feet? Oh and that don't cost a fortune? So I got on Zappos and found this super cute pair of shoes, and they were EE so I bought them on Saturday. I have no idea how but they got here today and they look HORRIBLE on my feet. Too long in the front but too tight on the side and squished my toes up where there would just be no way I could walk in them. Plus they looked so bad. I knew it the minute I tried them on. Luckily zappos has amazing customer service and I will be able to send them back free and try to get some new ones ordered. Thanks Zappos.

But the whole wedding thing led me to actually start this two week workout thing I found on Pinterest. It's basically 30 minutes of walking a day with 5 strength training moves. And some super lucky people lost up to 12 pounds and 22 inches doing this with a 1600 calorie a day diet. Now I haven't actually tried to count calories in a while. With not being able to eat all the foods that I am allergic to it kind of became why bother. I didn't want to know how little calories I was eating. So I don't think that's really a problem. But I should start to try to track again just so I know, but it's just complicated.

So at any rate I did my first day of the 2 week workout tonight. I finally got started right at 7:00. I procrastinated long enough. It took me right about 45 minutes and then I did my 20 minute stretching yoga video afterwards. I am really anxious to see what it does! I had mom measure me and I weighed myself this morning, so we will see what the next two weeks brings. I'm sure it will be full of me doing these workouts the wrong way. But they way I see it, if I'm doing something it's better than nothing at all right? Looking at a sheet of paper and trying to do the workout is so hard for me. I'm sure I got part of the movements right..but the other ones I might just be doomed with.

But it's a start.

I can tell you one of the things I absolutely want most with my weight loss is for my feet to shrink. I want me feet to be back at a normal size. I long and pray for the day when I don't have to buy my shoes online and pray they fit. I long to be able to walk into a store and try a pair of shoes on. Even if they were a normal "wide" width, I think I would be happy. They at least carry those in the store. I mean I can go buy running shoes from the runner's store, but I would love to be able to go try a pair of shoes on and have them fit! That is definitely one of my huge weight loss goals.

But for now...me and zappos are friends ;0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 54

Whew! First weigh in of the year and....

It was a success :0) I have no idea how I did it, but I lost almost a pound. And I'm just gonna go with it. (And notice the pretty nails? Grandma took me and my sister out for pedicures yesterday. It was quite the grandma/granddaughter affair. I like the idea of a pedicure and I like how my feet feel. I just feel sorry for the person touching my feet :( Hopefully this year I will get my bad feet under control and will be able to enjoy maybe a monthly pedicure :) And I took full advantage of using my teal nail polish from Mary Kay! :0))

Anyways. I have done my darndest to avoid dairy since the beginning of the year (haha..2 days). I even said no to mac&cheese for dinner (!!) This saying no is going to take some getting used to. But it will happen. Now I just have to get rid of the dairy as much as I can permanently. I guess the eggs doesn't seem as hard. As long as I don't have a lot of things that have eggs in them I should be ok. And yes I do missed a good fried egg sandwich every now and then. But I want a healthy body! I'm pretty resigned to no peanuts by now. It's been 6 months. I guess I can't really say if I miss it or not? I'm gonna cave soon and get some almond butter. I am just gonna not care about price, because I do want to experience an almond butter and honey sandwich. I miss being able to just eat a sandwich quickly when I am hungry and need something to eat. I have been eating way too many ritz and graham crackers. I am not going to go completely gluten free here, but as much as I can I will be avoiding bread and breaded things. But I can't avoid everything sadly enough.

I need to start tracking my beef and headaches though. I've had some headaches and I can't tell if they are happening on the days I have beef or not. So I am gonna make sure that I start being more aware of the days that I do eat the beef and what happens later in the day. Because if that's the case I might as well stop eating it altogether. I have a feeling chicken and turkey are going to be my friend :)

Other than that, I spent today getting all the Christmas decorations put away. I have to head back to work on Monday, so it needed to get all done, plus I was ready to have the living room back to normal! As much as I would love to entertain the idea of just leaving the Christmas tree up all year! I think that would be fun one year to leave it up. You know, just as a conversation starter ;)

I am loving my garmin. It's fun to come home and upload my workoout! I am still trying to figure out the heart rate monitor though. The day I got it to work it told me my heart rate was 35 beats per minute..and I thought that was a little low LOL! Especially when I knew I was breathing harder than that. I do have to figure something out for the chafing however...I want to wear it and not have it rub me raw :/ I have done 3 workouts with it. And I love being able to go to my garmin connect site and check all the stuff out. 

I always seem to snap back into it during January. I just feel good about it this year :) I have a lot of things I would like to see happen. So I am just plugging away at it :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 53

Alrighty Steph. There ya go, Week 53 ;)

Well Christmas is over and done with. Man the day after Christmas sometimes seems like a major letdown! You have this giant build up to Christmas and deadlines and making sure all the presents are bought (or at my house made) and wrapped and food is made and then it happens. And then you wake up the day after Christmas. And you eat all your Christmas candy to "get rid of it" because January 1st is coming you know, and there is a New Year's resolution just waiting to be made and broken. I mean I literally have consumed way more amounts of sugar today than a person should. Well actually I have consumed way more in the past 3 days. No wonder I have a headache right now. This sugar coma is going to be a doozy to get rid of.

But I did manage to get up this morning and weigh myself before the boys got out of bed. I *only* gained .6 pounds last week. Which brings my year end total to 12 pounds.

12 pounds.

That's not exactly Finishing What I Start. But I am fully aware of my actions and I am not really making any excuses for them. I didn't workout like I should have and I didn't eat like I should have. And there you go. I didn't lose weight. Although ironically enough 12 pounds is 10% of what I really wanted to lose.

I did learn a lot about myself this year though.

I learned I do really good with deadlines and goals. I had a goal to lose weight by a friend's wedding in March and I did that. But once the wedding came and I "cheated" on my eating, I never did get back eating right the rest of the year. And once again, I will be losing weight for a wedding. Though I'm not in it, I am attending it ;) And that's still the same.

I learned that I am a HUGE stress eater. When I don't know how to control things and circumstances come up that there is nothing I can do about them, I will eat. And eat. And eat. I will eat to deal with things too. Food has always been my turn to comfort. It's always been there. Even in secret. I ate due to circumstances that were beyond my control and the food was the only thing I could control. It's like I punish myself with food. It seems like it would be a reward. But a lot of times it was just how much food can I shove in my mouth before I forget about my problems...

I learned that I am allergic to a lot of foods. Which is horrifying. Because it's all foods that I love. So all this food I love is hurting my body and I still continue to eat it. Because I can't seem to give it up. Well the peanuts I  gave up immediately. I haven't had peanut butter anything since July of this year. That number was so off the charts scary I have no idea how I wasn't sick from it. But giving up milk, cheese, and ice cream and eggs is like a big sad thing. I have to learn how to say No and stick with it. And I just might see my body change.

BUT.

I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I started the Couch to 5k not once, but twice this year. The first time I did it all the way completely without missing a day. The second time I actually skipped the last two weeks almost and just got straight to running for 30 minutes. When I was really doing well I was running consistently 3 times a week. And that's good for me! Just changing and running right after work was a really good time for me. Except now. LOL. Now I get off work at 3:30 and it's getting dark by 4:15. Not enough time to get my runs in :/
 I actually enjoy the plan I made for my Bloomsday training, I just need to get back to it and stick to it. (Which I will be doing as soon as I get my gym cleaned up. It turned into extra craft room this year and has sawdust all over it because we were cutting wood inside because it was too windy outside. Now there is a layer of sawdust everywhere :/)

I learned that I kinda sorta like to run. It's definitely good me time. I have learned however that living in the desert it's hard to find a good time to run that I'm not running in 90+ weather. I had very good intentions over the summer, but I can't get up and go in the mornings when I have the boys and my mom is already at work. So we might have to work something out this summer. We will see. Spring and Fall running was amazing. Haven't made it out a whole lot this winter, but now that I have my new Garmin, I will be getting out there more. Nothing like a new toy to get you re-motivated. As well as signing up for Bloomsday. I gotta talk to my buddies and make sure it's still a go. I know none of us have been following the plan hardly at all. But there is still 5 months to go, and I know I will be ready by then :)

So the goal over the next few days is to not continue to beat myself up mentally over not completing my goal. I am lighter slightly than I was last year. And that's good. I just need some determination to stick around and the willpower to accomplish what I want to. January is the time of year where I get all hard core about this. And then I usually taper off about March. So the goal is to make it through to April :) And beyond. The magic number every month is 9 LOL! 9 pounds a month. Seems so easy peasy on paper. I just need it to be easy peasy in life. I will of course be coming up with some new goals. I know I am going to have to make eating goals and working out goals every month to make this work for the next year. But I am a goal maker for sure. I just need to be a goal finisher..

Finishing the goal. Finishing what I start. Still happening.

<3

Merry Christmas!

Proof that Jesus loves me best ;)

1. It SNOWED today. Hey I live in a desert. And it doesn't snow a whole whole lot. I mean every few years we will get a massive storm that comes through that cancels school and sends the city in to chaos. But usually it will either snow in November and freak people out and then not snow again, or it waits until January to do it. So to actually have snow on Christmas was pretty sweet. It started around 10:30 and really hasn't stopped yet. And it's 6:30 now. But it's been a very light snow, because we have less than 2 inches on the ground. Doable for me :0) Especially since I am off for the next two weeks and don't have to drive anywhere.

2. Santa brought me a Garmin! I have to admit, I am reluctant to ask for expensive things. But I picked out a Forerunner 110. It was less than 200.00 on sale ;) I loved it when I tried out Katie's garmin when she sent it around across the country. But I don't think I'm every going to be all super crazy about running. So I don't need a ton of bells and whistles. I wanna check out the auto lap stuff and I don't think I can set it to do intervals..but I need to play around with it. It's much easier to check mileage on a garmin than it is on the mapmyrun app on my phone. But as to point number 1...it snowed meaning I won't be checking it out for a few more days. It does however give me waaaay more incentive to get back to my training for Bloomsday and to get back into a workout routine.

3. I got a new blow dryer. And shoes. And bedding. I mean this sounds kinda silly. But I love super practical gifts like those that I wouldn't be able to get for myself. It's the little things. I mean I got several other things too that I really enjoy. But these were things on my list (That I really didn't write down or anything, just in passing. Except the shoes. I specifically put those and the garmin on my pinterest board!)

I have to admit, it was a tear filled Christmas. We spent the last couple of weeks secretly working on "grandpa bears" that were made from my grandpa's shirts. We made 33 of those things for my family members that was a complete surprise. (Well except to Grandma). Right down to the last minute working on noses and stuff. We had made bears for the family when my Dad passed away in 2004. Someone decided it was a good idea again this year ;) And then my uncle separated all of my grandpa's train collection and made them into little sections for us. I know that as the years pass that his memory at Christmas will fade, but this year he left quite the impression :0)

I hope you had a very blessed Christmas! Over here we will be digging out of the little bit of snow and playing with all of our new toys. Probably won't have the best weigh in tomorrow, but I will face it like I should. I know for sure that next year I will not be pigging out like I did over the last two days. I'm pretty sure these stomach cramps that I've had all day are just a bit more proof that when I eat the foods I shouldn't be my body will be telling me that it's not ok :( Next year will be quite different!

<3

Wednesday weigh in week 51

Woah. I can't believe that I have been doing this for almost an entire year! And I can't believe I have gained all about about 10 pounds of my weight back. This definitely wasn't how the story played out in my head in January when I was serious and started all of this. This was going to be my year, and I was finally going to do it! Flash forward to December. My mom has had surgery 3 times this year, and I have had 3 deaths in the family since October. Less than 2 months. Um yeah. I have learned this year that I definitely live by circumstances. I have periods of doing great. Especially when I have a goal! And then life throws me a curve ball, and well, Dairy Queen becomes my new BFF. The most I lost this year was 25 pounds. So 15 has crept back on. And boy can I feel it!

And I know the things I need to do. I need to quit drinking coffee. I need to quit eating dairy. I need to quit eating wheat. I know how my body feels when I don't have these things in me. Especially when I am allergic to them. It's just so. dang. hard. To all of the sudden throw out a food you have eaten your entire life. And the staples of your diet. I mean. I tell people all of the things I am allergic to and they ask me what the heck I eat. Um yeah. Not a whole lot. And then I sneak in the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And don't even get me started on exercise. Here's the thing. When I work out. I lose weight. When I don't work out? I don't lose weight. Plain and simple. Cut and dry. Well yeah. If I could just manage to stay away from all the foods that I'm allergic to, and work out 6 times a week, I would probably have it made :)

Oh speaking of running, since I really wasn't ;) I finally just jumped ahead again to week 8 of the Couch to 5k and ran for half an hour today. Well I really didn't jump ahead because it was the week I was scheduled to do it. But I haven't ran at all in the last 2 weeks. The last day I did was week 6 day 1. And today I decided since it wasn't raining, and I really needed to get back to my running, I would just go for it. And I am such a fashion crisis when I run. It's kinda just ridiculous. Blue ear warmers, red and green shirts, black pants and black gloves. Oh and a white passport belt around my waist because that's my poor girl's running belt. (I mean, I actually thought it was genius! I had a belt, and it will hold my key, phone, and other little things. And then it wasn't all in my pockets, which my capris didn't have).

But I did my 30 minute run. And the craziest thing came out of my mouth when I was done. "Well that was kinda easy!" uh yeah. Well the first mile was 19:09 and the second mile was 19:03. I apparently did really good on my breathing because I wasn't out of breath, and completely wheezing or anything like that. Either that or I just plan didn't work hard enough. But I did realize that when I run my virtual 5k for Katie's 31st birthday next month that I will have to pick up a little speed. I'm thinking I was stupid when I said I wanted to finish it in under 48 minutes I think. I'm pretty sure I forgot I was back up to a 19 minute mile and not an 17 minute one. Hmmm...How am I going to do it that fast? If I go the pace I ran today it will still take me almost an hour to run 3.1 miles.I definitely need to drop some pounds so my time will speed up :0)

I was expecting to be panting when I started my 5 minutes of cooling down..but nope. I was fine. I miss running. Of course we are getting into the cold part of winter. I don't have a treadmill. I can't afford a gym. So I am just heading outside. OH and my knee didn't hurt while I was running! That was nice. When I started my little training plan it kept twinging while I was running, and it didn't do that today. I was a happy girl.

Ok, I could just blab blab blab..so I am going to get my lunch ready for work tomorrow and head to bed. But here is my picture. of my gain. Next week will be different.

Wednesday weigh in week 49

49!! Oy vey! This year is rapidly coming to a close. And I am nowhere near where I wanted to be. Nevertheless I shall keep going.

I have been sick again for the last week. It started the very day we got off for Thanksgiving break. Although if I think about it I was starting to get sick before then. Just didn't realize it. I basically slept 12 hours every night, Wednesday through Saturday. And then woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes you can sleep too much and the NyQuill won't work :( I have also had a low grade fever, which made me go into the doctor. 5 minutes and he decides it's "viral". Which is why I hate going to the doctor. Thank you for taking my money and telling me that. No. Really. Grrrrrr. Now I feel worse and don't have the money to go back to the doctor! That's what I get for going to the doctor too soon I suppose. See what I get for trying to be proactive?

So there is this teacher at work who has lost a bunch of weigh this year. She happens to have the same lunch that I do, and I was listening to them all talk today during lunch and they were asking her all sorts of questions. Like how much have you lost, what have you done...all those questions. Well she has lost 75 pounds since January. And all I kept thinking was man..That should have been me! I should be the one that people keep asking me what I have done. Just a moment I had today.

I don't know if it's all the medicine I've been taking or what, but my body is still retaining the weight. I mean sleeping so much over break, I ended up down at 222 again. But go figure it crept back up to 225 this morning. I haven't quite got it figured out yet. And it's irritating. But then again, so is this stupid recurring sinus infection. :(

Wednesday weigh in week 48

Holy cow. Can I just say it doesn't feel like Wednesday to me today? Like I literally almost forgot that I was going to weigh in today. Maybe it was because I stayed home yesterday, or that today was the last day of work for the week. So first I almost forget to weigh myself and then tonight I almost forgot to post. Haha. Well that wouldn't have been a big deal since I weighed the same this morning as I did last week. Dislike. So yeah. Don't mind me over here in my corner of the world just trying to figure out why I'm not losing it. I'm working out 4-5 times a week. And apparently I need to bump it up a notch. Or figure out what the heck I am eating that is making me hold on to the weight.

So at any rate it's 10:30, I'm tired. I need to take some nyquill (pesky runny nose and sore throat again) and then I get to sleep in a bit. I'm going to get my run done early and get it out of the way for tomorrow. I'm not a bad overeater at all on thanksgiving.  Well if you count eating too much potatoes ;) Not a big fan of all the sides that you eat with turkey. Give me some meat, potatoes and a roll and I am a happy girl. And then a piece of pie ;)

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 46

Well I realized I got buy and didn't recap my Bloomsday training last week. I actually skipped a workout. I ended up being sick that day and wanted to run but eventually decided against it. I took a total extra day of rest. I am hopefully getting back to feeling like a normal person. Except for when I stay up until 1:00 am on election day and get up 4 hours later :/ (I am EXHAUSTED right now..short post). I have a feeling I am going to switch up next week a little bit and trade my running day and cross training day. Monday is a holiday, so I don't have work. And I can go run that day and then cross train on Tuesday and it will be good :0) Which is what I ended up doing today. I was just so beat from only getting 4 hours of sleep and being on my feet all day that I decided to rest my legs and I will cross train on Friday which was supposed to be my rest day. :-) I'm glad I can be flexible and not beat myself up when I do things like that. Whew. So that's the current update on Bloomsday!

And I don't know where the ___ 3 pounds came on from, but it did. Not really liking a 3 pound gain right now. All I can say is my stomach feels like it is full of air, and has for a couple of days. So I guess I'm not surprised, but definitely irritated. Things will be changing in my food and they will be changing quite soon. I'm thinking I pretty much have to cut out all dairy and wheat/gluten again. I've been lax in those areas. And I'm pretty sure that's the cause of it. So I need to get back to serious over here. Which is probably gonna mean no more coffee again. I just have quite the love/hate relationship with coffee. I love it, well I love it with milk and syrup..but that's the problem. I don't love it with almond milk, or coconut milk. And I'm just scared to try soy milk. So I guess it means it will have to go bye bye again. Or at least move to a social thing. Where I could have it once in a while while I'm out with a friend. But not every day like I have been. Plus it's just an added money cost that I simply don't have right now. Crazy as it seems, I should spend the money that I spend on coffee every month and spend it on real foods ;) or Vitamins even ;) What a thought! I think I'm gonna phase it out by an every other day thing for right now. I only have a few grounds left. So yeah. Maybe someday I won't be allergic to milk anymore and I will be able to enjoy coffee again. But definitely decaf. If I start drinking it again it will have to be decaf. Whole other topic LOL!

oh yeah..I said short post huh? :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 43

Oh and that wonderful warm and fuzzy feeling of NyQuil is starting to kick in! :0) I have somehow managed to start getting whatever is going around. My mom and sister have both had this lovely sinus crap going around and that's kind of what I started feeling like last night. That's probably why I was really wanting some Hot Tamales at the store last night. That's one of the things that I want when I'm sick. Weird? Yes. But I think sometimes the hotness of them should make my throat feel better. In theory right? So I bailed on worship practice and I am posting and going to bed. It's not going to be too much longer before I am conked out. So I figured I better get on here and post!

I am still super busy right now, I think I could have had something every night this week if I wanted to. But really all I want to do is sleep :-) I knew I should have stayed home sick today. But I felt guilty that I had missed so much work in the last couple of weeks and I wasn't truly sick enough to stay home. So I toughed it out. I tried not to be too mean of a teacher today. I'm not sure how well I succeeded. On top of the two kids that threw up in our afternoon class. I was totally done by the end of school. And really it's only 7 and I am just about ready to crawl into bed. Too bad I can't actually sleep for 12 hours. But hopefully 9 or so before I wake up.

I'm excited to say I have a new goal. And irritated that I got sick right away. I twisted talked my friend into doing Bloomsday again next year! It's a 12k race that we have done 3 times together, and I have done it 4. We ended up not doing it this year because we both weren't ready training wise, and then my mom ended up being just out of surgery the first time.So it wouldn't have worked out anyway. So We came up with a 28 week plan which freaked out another friend who is doing it with us ;) But part of the whole process is finishing the training as much as finishing the race. Since we have both done it. But the training for it is the harder thing to finish :) So come May of 2013 I will be again doing a 12k. And hopefully running some of it :)

Lost a pound this week. Tried to really cut back and avoid the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And lost a pound. Shows that avoiding things does work, sadly enough.

:0)

Wednesday Weigh in week 38

38 weeks. Where has this year gone? It's downright crazy to think that we are almost done with this year already. That's kind of how my mind works, we start hitting that cold weather and bam! The year is over. Haha..Twisted thinking...

I have been very very bad lately. Drinking coffee almost every day. The problem is I don't have the stuff to make the coffee. So of course I have to buy it. And with all the money that I have spent on buying it, I could have just bought a bag of coffee, the syrup, and some sort of milk to go in it. *smacks forehead*. Then I could at least be making it at home.

I'm beginning to realize how big of an issue that dairy is for me. Only because I have been having a lot of it again lately with coffee and various ice cream runs. I am pretty sure it just like instantly bloats me. Which is a complete and utter shame because I LOVE milk. Which is probably why I've been having a hard time letting go of the coffee again. It's the only time I will have milk. Like I haven't sat down and had a glass of milk since I found out I was allergic to it. But I have had ice cream or frozen yogurt or coffee with milk in it :) It's so so hard to let go of something like that. I can tell the difference though.:/

I have been a good girl and stayed away from the peanuts. Now that's a miracle! I haven't had peanuts since July. Right at 3 months now. Oy. I gotta get cracked down on this milk and dairy again. The garlic has been hit and miss. I avoid it when I can. But it's an ingredient in almost everything known to mankind. Good grief! Things you wouldn't expect it to be in have it in there dang it! Haha. And I have gotten into a good routine of only eating beef 2x a week. That one is kind of easy. But I really have to plan for it however.

Having said all of that. I gained 1.6 pounds again. And its the choices I make in food. Now that I am back to school I really need to get settled back into a routine of eating and working out. I am really good at saying it. Now I really need to be good at doing it. If it's one thing I am learning this year about finishing what I start, it's that the process is more in my head. I am wanting it more than ever. I just need to figure out the applying process and I will be doing good :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 37

You know, Wednesday's really creep up on me! Before I know it, there it is Wednesday again and time to do another weigh in. I'm only up .5 a pound right now. Obviously I am doing a reaaaaallly good job at maintaining my weight. I haven't quite found my workout schedule again yet, and I've been eating crap. Which leads to crap. There ya go. I said it.

Right now I'm playing Mom again to my little brothers. My mom is having surgery again tomorrow morning, to fix the boo-boo the doctor did last time she had surgery. But instead of if being in the town I live in, she had to go 2.5 hours away because of the doctor. So it's not like we can just pop in and see her. :( Which puts me in Mom duty for a while. So instead of being able to jet off to the park after work and go walking or running I get to leave work early to pick them up from school and go home and supervise and make dinner and attempt at keeping the house clean. And pretty honestly this is what made my world come crashing down in May when she had her last surgery. I basically haven't worked out much since then. I lost my groove. And it's so so hard to get back into it once it's gone.

I feel like I have started over so much this year. It kind of feels like I have mentally lost. I absolutely don't feel like I have finished what I started. I feel like I failed again. Another year. And yes. I do have 4 months left. But it's nowhere near where I wanted to be at this time. Part of me is disappointed that I didn't get rid of all my "big" winter clothes because I "wasn't" going to need them. Here I am back around the same size as I was last year. In the same clothes that are absolutely driving me crazy.

It's really an interesting thought to think: Why isn't that enough to motivate me back into working out and eating healthier? Why is it that when everything falls apart (so to speak) or things don't go the way I think they should; why do I automatically turn to food and not to God? And for heaven's sake it's not broccoli and apples I crave, it's all the stuff that I eat that I found out I'm allergic to. Which of course makes my body react, and there you go with me holding on my body weight and not losing. Or lose and gain the same 3 pounds for 2 months. I still haven't had that A-ha moment where it clicks. And life changes permanently.

Hello? A-ha? Where are you?

Wednesday Weigh in Week 36

This week I held steady. I'm kind of impressed. I'm really just glad I didn't gain anything. Haha. It's just hard ok. I mean I really want to find something to blame. But I know the truth. I'm still eating foods that my body doesn't agree with and I'm still not working out. Those two things will cause me to not lose weight. And those are things that I know. The sad thing is once you fall out of the habit of working out it gets so much harder to start. But I know I have to. The weather is starting to cool off again so it's not going to be so hot after school to go running. I feel like I am going to have to start over completely with the Couch to 5k. Hopefully not. I know I'm probably going to need to start out with some more walking and running intervals. But really what I need to do is just start it. I had my running stuff packed yesterday and I was gonna go for a run until I realized I left my belt and my headphones at the house instead of my car. And I was already short on time, so I just came home instead. Little things like that.

So yeah. I gotta bust a move. Literally. :0)

Wednesday Weigh in week 35

Whew I'm back from my trip to California. That was a very fun week away from home. I had some great times of relaxation and just hanging out and some great times at church. I feel like it's my second home for sure! I am pretty sure I consumed more coffee in the last 4 days than I have in the last 4 months! That might be a headache to get rid of LOL! But I made it. I didn't work too much on eating well. And I can feel in in my body. It's so hard to get back to where you know you should be taking your body. Especially when those other foods just taste so good ;) I even tried some Lebanse food this weekend. Which is mainly made with cheese and garlic. So I just decided to try it, since I never have before. Not that I'm going to be able to eat it a whole lot due to the cheese and bread and garlic. But hey. It was alright ;0)

So after a week of being gone and eating crazy I only ended up gaining 1.5 pounds. And I can tell part of that is just bloating from all of the foods that I ate and things like that. So I was pretty happy with being gone and pretty much staying at the same weight.

I head back to school on Monday. This summer break has gone by really quick it seems. I don't feel like I've been off since June. But hey. It will come back again next year! And it's been nice to get a break and get back and ready to play with those 4 year olds!

Wednesday Weigh in Week 34 ( On Tuesday :o) )

Oh look! It's Tuesday and I am doing my Wednesday Weigh in ;) I will be out of town tomorrow on my way to Redding, California to visit a friend for her birthday. I'm very excited to get out of town right before I have to head back to school next week. I am driving by myself for a 11ish hour trip so it will definitely be an adventure! Haha. I'm looking forward to it actually. I am leaving this afternoon and will be making a stop in Oregon before heading down all the way tomorrow. It's been a year since I have seen my friend and I can't wait.

So that's why I'm weighing in a day early. Only up .6 pound. I figured it would happen since my dinner last night consisted of carmel corn and cashews. That was a huge mistake. I have a feeling I'm gonna have to be careful with the cashews. Something was setting my throat off last night. Not that I haven't been eating the best for the last week. But I've been seeing cold like symptoms with a slight sore throat and cough and this time I know it's food related. Plus a bad headache last night. But we were also surrounded by little wildfires and I could literally almost see ash hazing all over the town last night. It was so hazy and I smelled like a campfire when I came home. Craziness.

So I'm off for the week. Can't wait to see my friend, go to a concert, go to church and just hang. In the 105+ weather. Haha. Can't seem to get away from it!

Wednesday Weigh in Week 31

4.6 pounds lost this week!

Well this isn't much of a surprise! I mean. For someone who hasn't been able to eat much because of getting my wisdom teeth out. I have basically been living on soft foods since the 13th. As well as finding out about the allergies. So I really haven't been eating a whole lot of food. And since my mouth is still closing up, I still have some figuring out of stuff to do. I must still be eating something my body doesn't like. But between the foods I'm allergic to and the foods that the blood type diet says I shouldn't be eating, there pretty much isn't anything I can eat that I like. Um yeah. Not going to be following the blood type diet to a t. There are things I can limit and some things I might avoid. But let's be realistic. I have to be able to eat. I can't avoid all food. I will starve. Literally.

I wish I was just so naturally inclined to be able to eat anything. My gag reflex of textures is not my friend at times. I did try some zuchinni yesterday. Found out there really isn't much of a taste to it. Which makes it easy to put in things. LOL. I even got my brothers to eat some. They put it on their pb and j sandwiches that they had. Dang I miss my peanut butter sandwiches.

Time to get the boys off to swim lessons. :) The dry socket from my teeth is getting better. I went back to the dentist today and they repacked it with the clove whatever they put in it! Still aches a little but. But nowhere near what it hurt like right after the surgery. I get to go back on Friday and see if I get to have some over the weekend too. Yesterday I managed to not take any pain medication, so that was nice! Hopefully it gets to feeling a lot better soon!