Lolfty goal..

We have a goal for this weekend. To get the garage emptied out so if we go with these mover guys, that came to give us an estimate this weekend, can get all the furniture moved over for us. They are working on an estimate for us and I should know soon whether or not we are going to do it. So needless to say this weekend is going to be a lot of pack up, take over, unpack, and come back and repeat. And since we don't have school tomorrow, since we didn't take any of our snow days this winter...yeah..I complained bitterly about the one 2 hour delay that should have been a snow day..but I'm pretty excited that I get a 4 day weekend here this weekend. So. At any rate, I will be super busy this weekend instead of relaxing like most of the rest of the world. Cause goodness knows ;) We couldn't be able to relax on a long weekend now would we?

I don't know how much time I will have to post over the weekend...so I might break my goal of posting every day this month...Well I guess I did that on Day 2, BUT I haven't missed a day since ;)

almost there!

210.00...

that's all I need to reach my goal for my trip to Redding this summer. I got another 25.00 today! woo-hoo!!

I finally posted some of the pictures I have been painting on Facebook to see if anyone was interested in buying them. And of course my favorite one is the first one to sell. :) I really debated selling it or not. But one of my good friends messaged me about it..so there it goes...oh the life of an artist :) You just can't keep them all!

It's going to be a busy weekend for us. We are going to be moving the things from the garage over to the new house. Hopefully it will go quick. Especially if all 3 of us are using the cars...we will see how it goes. But it will be a good start to seeing how much is going to fit over there and where things are going to have to go. We are going to have to store some of the landlords stuff because we have a washer and dryer that we like and a microwave too..so it all works.

I keep talking like I'm moving in there...but I'm not! haha..I mean I might stay for a couple of weeks..but that's it..Nothing more than couch surfing for me.

But tomorrow I need to start getting the house a little cleaner since people are probably going to be coming and looking at it this weekend. So I most likely be taking some of my stuff to the storage unit again and moving some yard sale stuff around. Oh boy...it's going to be crazy.

I keep thinking I will make it to bed early...then I keep not...so I'm going to bed!

So so close!!

Oh my gosh...tonight I'm feeling loved. I only need $235 to reach my goal for my trip to Redding this July for School of Worship. I had two more people donate today. I always feel a little weird when other students I am going with donate! But another one did to me. And she tried to be anonymous but it ended up telling me...oh well. I still can't wait to meet her!. <3

I have to pay tuition on June 1st..so I'm pretty darn close at this point. As I sit and just watch how God works sometimes it amazes me. I'm not used to being provided for like this..but I am..so I'm just kind of taking it all in currently and seeing what's going to happen. It's definitely a step of faith to get me there, and I'm just taking it day by day!

If you want to donate here is the link :)

https://www.youcaring.com/tuition-fundraiser/get-dena-to-worship-u-on-campus-/148525

I'm so so grateful for any amount anyone can help with :)

too much...

stuff..

I have too much stuff. I tried to pack up one of my cabinets today. I figured I was gonna move some of the toiletries around and what not..

I seriously didn't even get one whole shelf completely cleared off.

I. Am. Doomed.

And a little bit of a Drama Queen. ;)

I think more than anything this is going to be a new season of Letting Go. I'm letting go of my comfortable job, and housing. I'm letting go of stuff. (And let me tell you I'm going to be letting go of way more stuff! Holy moly guacamole!) I'm stepping out into the complete unknown. People keep asking me what my plan is.

Here's my plan:

I don't have one.

At least that's not completely set in stone. I know my plan is to be in Redding the majority of July. I will be attending Worship U on Campus at Bethel Church from July 7th-18th. And at the same time I'm going to be looking for a job and some people to move in with. There's a job I have my heart kind of set on. I'm just praying favor for that. And I need to live with 2-3 people really to be able to live ok :)

And that's all I know right now. And if you don't know the song Oceans by Hillsong United, it's pretty much my life right now :)

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Cinco

Cinco always comes after the 4th...There should be a running tally of jokes or pictures or something!

Anyways.

Tonight at church I did something I haven't really done before :) We picked out the keys of songs that I would sing them in so we can start practicing them to lead them. My worship leader worked with 3 of us girls figuring that out. It was fun to practice the songs and then hear the other two do the same one. We actually found a song that all 3 of us sang in the same key. Haha..so that was cool..

And in other news: I packed a bag today. I've really just been feeling the need to start packing for the move..so I took some clothes that I was saving for when I am smaller. *cough cough* way smaller and I packed them up. And hey! Go me..I even got rid of a few of them once I decided I didn't actually want them anymore. Truthfully I should probably just get rid of all of them. But I kept about 4 pairs of pants and 2 shirts. Now this is waaaay down from the bags of clothes that I had when I lived at the other house...I am gonna learn to not be a packrat before I move and it's going to be amazing!

So 1 down..too many to go! Haha..I have some furniture that I am passing along to other family members, so I guess right now my goal is to get those emptied so that when they get here they can go to their house...yep yep..that's a good goal..

And now my other goal is to fall asleep before midnight. Because that would be just down right amazing!!

Trying something new

Well tonight I tried a sweet potato...I know..I'm weird..I've never tried one before, but I chose it as one of the things I wanted to try, because I forsee myself eating a lot of baked potatoes, and I wanted to see if I would like one. Nope. I did not. I even put chili all over it, and that did not help haha!

But I tried it. And I ate about half of it before stopping. I just couldn't choke down anymore. I hadn't cooked it all the way, and I am a big texture person when it comes to eating...so yeah..but I tried :0)

I also have been making progress on burning my cd's to the external hard drive. Tonight I got about 50 of them burned. It's really time consuming but it's gonna be worth it when I can declutter my room. Speaking of that, I also started going through the utility closet in my room. That sounds odd to say, but when I had my own apartment at my old house, I had a big closet/cupboard thing in my walk in closet. It used to just hold a lot of junk that I didn't know what to do with but I wanted to keep. Well now it holds all of my toiletries, and well the rest of the junk that I want to keep but I don't know what to do with. I'm still paring it down thought. I emptied it out tonight and I am once again getting rid of stuff that I don't need or want anymore. I'm still pretty sentimental and want to keep a lot of stuff. I guess I'm gonna just have to get used to that fact about myself. So now I just need to come up with more ways to organize all my sentimental stuff and get it properly taken care of and stored away. But I'm getting there..I've found a lot of paper stuff tonight that I am shredding or recycling and a few things for the garbage here or there..but I will feel better once I get it all put back away..Right now my room still looks like a tornado hit it and it's 12:05 am. I've got a bit more to go before I can go to bed tonight haha!

The fun thing about burning all my CD's is that I am rediscovering all the music that I own. I literally haven't listened to any of my CD's in months if not years. The cd player in my car never works and every cd player I would own would skip after a while, so I moved on to whatever I had already put on my computer or Pandora. Even youtube :) So after looking at what I have it will be fun to play my music again...it will be like buying new cd's...except they are all old songs ;)


I'm feeling pretty good so far this year! I feel like I'm getting stuff done, and it's tracking that way too! I can be such a nerd sometimes ;)

Well hello 2014...

It's a new year. A new beginning. Doesn't everyone always feel excited and ready to take on a new year right about now? Wait no? Not really?

I have tended to start out the year feeling depressed about how the last year went and how I never accomplished anything or did anything with my life. To be honest the last two years have kinda sucked. And last year I was ready for a fresh start, and well it didn't really happen.

So I decided to do things differently this year. And I've mentioned it in the last couple of blogs I've written, with my goals for January. But something hit me this morning. I can have all these goals and ideas but I don't have a way to track them and keep myself accountable. I need a way to show myself in December that yes, I did accomplish something. I want proof that I didn't spend this year doing "nothing" like I always feel like.

So I jumped on excel this morning and made a very simple checklist of my goals and the dates 1-31. Haha..cause I just like to check boxes off. I mean it's rustic. But whatever..it's gonna help me track. And I can tell you right now that I know I'm not going to be completely dairy and gluten free in January. But if I can be 85-90% it's a dang good start. Then I can work on improving it in February and keep going. But I have to be realistic about life and understand that it takes time. I don't want to make myself fail at it. Or set myself up for a binge. But I do have a pot of Velveeta dip in the crockpot right now just waiting to be devoured :) Eating goals don't start until the 2nd ;)

Since one of my big goals this year is to not weigh myself at all, I did it yesterday. I think I determined that I gained 21 pounds last year. Like I said..the last 2 years weren't all that kind to me. I enjoyed my food and coffee lol! And so I did the most logical thing to me to do to keep myself off of the scale :) I took the battery out. Smart no? I thought so. I know I won't be tempted to go into my sister's room to use hers...and mine's gonna be put away out of sight out of mind with no battery. So I would have to be completely desperate to go buy a new battery and dig my scale out to weigh myself. But I'm looking forward to not weighing myself this year.

My main goal this year is to quit obsessing about weight loss and go out and live my life.

If I had to sum up all of my goals this year that would be it. Yes. Establishing a new eating routine and getting myself into a regular workout schedule are part of my goals. But so is making my bed everyday and decluttering my life. It's a relative to a better me.. You know? And deciding to make monthly goals instead of yearly ones has made me feel not so overwhelmed. I can do things for 4 weeks at a time. You know. So I can change things up and not be into such a rut. That's what I'm telling myself.

So out with the old, and in with the new fresh start. A clean slate. A new year. To make of it what I will, and see what I will become. And the things that happen because of the choices that I make.

I know I'm ready for it!

Goals for January

Well..I have some goals

I did this two ways...just every day goals..things I will actually be able to accomplish ;) And then I made the workout calendar. Haha..That one might get some tinkering done with. And well you can see that on my Birthday not only will I be at college, I will then be going to the gym for a lovely session of C25K which I seem to be eternally starting over. Dag nab it. I am surely to get my 250 pounds of self into a runner. And it will surely help me in getting ready for Bloomsday. Yes I said that word. The biggest 12k fun run in the state if not in the US? I'd have to check on that. I made a verbal commitment to do it this year with two of my cousin's on my Dad's side. Now that being the beginning of the month I would like to think about moving out in, and the month before I want to be in California for two weeks for a class at a church I don't know if it will happen. But I am going to train for it. Especially if I get to do it with them :0) And it's less than 20.00 to register for, so I'm sure I will be ok...

So here they are :0) My goals

 

~Dairy Free/Gluten Free (1 milk coffee a week)

~Try 2 new foods this month to be determined

~Complete workout sheet

~Register for Bloomsday (May 4th)

~Research School of Worship for July at Bethel

~Make bed every day

~Get CD’s transferred to external hard drive by end of month

~Set aside time to read Bible, pray, worship daily
~Take care of my feet every day, whether its washing or soaking or putting a treatment on. Get these toes cleared up in 2014!!

~Stay off of the scale

So some of these are easy peasy. Like Registering for Bloomsday and making my bed. I mean really how hard is it to straighten out my comforter and make it look nice. Pretty hard apparently. I can't ever seem to do it. Unless I know someone that doesn't live in my house is going to be coming in my room. Then I make sure to do it. I'm really just lazy. That's all there is to it. 

And yes. For now I'm planning on treating myself to Dutch Bros Coffee the night of my college class. I will see how it starts affecting my stomach and go from there. I can't be running out of the class every week to go to the bathroom..so we shall see. 

I need to be serious about dairy free. I need to be serious about gluten free. My body is just so bloated. And I'm wondering if this eternal headache isn't from food and not the stagnant air warning that we are having. Those two right there are going to be the hardest goals to accomplish. I know that for sure.

I figured 2 new foods a month would be good to try. This is another thing I'm pretty leery about. But if I have to cut the majority of what I eat out of my life I'm gonna have to be adding stuff into it. So it's just going to have to happen whether I want it to or not. 

I just need to have a deadline for getting my cd's transferred to my hard drive. Ok. I have over 300 cd's that just take up room in my room. It's time for them to go digital and disappear. Well most of them. Some of them I'm going to keep (like the Christmas ones for sure) but the others unless they are signed or special things I'm planning on getting rid of. I don't even have a cd player anymore unless you count my computer. So the reasoning for me to keep them is really gone. It's really kinda sad. I was a die-hard CD girl. I didn't like going digital. I love opening the covers and seeing the lyrics and reading them cover to cover. But they just aren't the same anymore..and they are cheaper online. So I have caved. Plus I just don't have room to store over 300 cd's that I don't listen to anymore. Some people collect movies. I collected CD's :) I'm not much of a movie girl. I probably own less than 25 movies. And that might be generous. ;)

And to be honest, I haven't had success in the last couple of years at establishing a quiet time with the Lord routine. And I so desperately need to get a routine back. And this is the year it will happen :0)

So there you have it. My goals for January. I think at this point I'm only going to take it one month at a time. I can set my mind to do anything for 4 weeks. And that will keep it fresh and exciting. And it will keep me having to come up with more things to plan for. So yeah. There it is :0)

 

Wednesday weigh in Week 104

Well. I've made the decision that I will no longer be doing Wednesday Weigh ins.  In fact this is going to be my last Wednesday Weigh in because heck...who really wants to weigh themselves on Christmas morning!

The other morning I was coaching a friend, when really I was preaching to the choir like I like to do so well. She was scared about getting to her goal weight and then worried about gaining it all back. She has done amazing and really has like 2 or 3 pounds to go before hitting goal. Maintenance scares her. I spent some time telling her that the number on the scale doesn't define her. She can't live her life in fear of gaining all her weight back because that's what will happen. We go where we look. So if all she is doing is living in fear of gaining it back then that's what she will do. But if she lives her life and stays within her points and works out to maintain what she has lost, well then barring any weird medical reasons she should be fine. To LIVE. To not be obsessed over the scale and food. You know. That sort of pep talk :0)

And then I spent the next hour applying this to my life. I'm pretty sure we do the best thinking in the bathtub right? And that's where I decided it was time to be changing this blog up. I've been blogging for 2 years now. Pretty faithfully at least once a week. ;) And well I think I've gained and lost and gained and lost and somehow I think I am about 3 pounds heavier than what I started with 2 years ago. So posting my weight isn't really doing anything for me right now. Weight loss isn't really happening. And my life seems to be suffering.

So I'm taking the year off.

I went this summer without weighing myself. And I really enjoyed it. Haha..of course. I learned that I still need accountability. But it was nice to not feel like I was controlled by the number on the scale.

So my rough draft plan is to weigh myself on the 31st of December 2013, and then not weigh myself again until January 1, 2015. (WOAH. I just wrote that! That seems weird).

Now do I expect to lose weight. Oh absolutely.

But what I want to really do is shift my life around. I have spent much of my adult life OBSESSING over losing weight. I have let it control every aspect of my life on whether I do or don't do things,and  on who I think of myself as. I see the number on the scale. I see the fat girl. I see someone who at times I can't stand to be around so why should anyone else. I have become so inwardly focused on losing weight that I really haven't done much else with my life.

So that's what 2014 needs to be about. Re-prioritizing my life.

That doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgo exercising and learning how to eat healthier. Those are very much going to be goals. They just aren't going to be the focus of my life. I'm going to sit down and make some monthly goals of things that don't pertain to weight and I want to do what my blog is all about: Finishing what I start. It's more than weight. I need to learn how to get myself off of the foods that I'm allergic to. I need to figure out how to get my toenails cleared up. I need to figure out how to lower my debt so I can move out into my own apartment. I need to figure out a schedule so I can continue going to school and getting a degree.

There is more to life than weight loss. And I am going to spend my 2014 doing that. So the blog will be different in January. Opening my life up to other goals that I need to accomplish. I might be a little more boring. Or I might not...you never know ;) It's time to restart life without a scale. Without my life depending on that number. Now I might go the whole year and not lose anything. Well that would suck. Not gonna lie. But if I end up happier and mentally healthier than that would be worth it in the end. I wanna see some goals checked off my list next year. And I believe that this is the way to do it. Some things happen for a season. And there might be a season when Wednesday weigh ins come back. And that would be great. Or it might be retired for good. Who knows. I have a year to figure that out.

Can you lose weight long term and not weight yourself? I have no idea. But I'm about to find out. It's going to be an interesting year for sure. But I am looking forward to it. I'm ready for a change, and I think this will be good for me.

So stick around and see what happens? :0)

Wednesday Weigh in week 102

Boy I am ready for a new week haha! I think it comes with not actually working a whole lot during the month of November..and then going to 3 straight weeks of kids every day. It's a little tiring. Then you throw in life and school and church and all that. Let's just say I stayed in bed until 6:30 this am and that's reaaaaaaallly pushing it. I was so warm and cozy in my bed however. I looked at my phone and I'm just not a big fan of this 10 degrees and feels like 2. We finally had indoor recess today. Simply because even at 25 degrees it's no fun for a preschooler to go outside. So we did indoor stuff.

Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.

Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)

Wednesday weigh in week 100

Wow. 100 weeks makes it seem so long. I feel like I've been doing this for a long time. Haha..But then again I have. Almost two years. Scary to think that I am back to my highest weight again after two years. It makes me want to get all sad and melancholy just thinking about it. But I'm not going to. :0)

I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.

But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.

And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.

But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.

I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.

I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird.  But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish)  people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)

The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...

So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.

But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...

Wednesday weigh in week 98

Wednesday: No Excuses!!

Thursday: Massive sore throat/headcold/fever and taking Nyquil and Sudafed for the next 6 straight days.

Well that pretty much sums up my week, along with TOM. Yep. Hows that for no excuses?!? Hahahaa. Life is funny guys..so funny. I managed to go to bed without the nyquil last night but I'm still stuffy and took sudafed once today. And to top that all off my co-worker was also sick and could either one of us take a day off? Oh no. You know why? Because our teacher is serving on a jury for the next two weeks. Well this week and next week. Meaning we don't get to take time off. Haha. Good thing next week is conferences and we don't have kids. This has been the longest. week. ever. One more day with kids and then we are done. Whew. Some weeks I don't know how I get by. Oh yes I do. Coffee. :0) I was halfway good this week and had soy most of the time. I have thrown some milk in there in my iced coffees.

All in all I managed to lose 1.8 pounds this week. I mean really I'm an expert at losing and gaining the same two pounds. I mean yeah. I'm feeling quite sassy right now haha..I should really just shut my mouth and go to bed.

Well Katie officially freaked me out today in her post. She mentioned there was 11 1/2 weeks until her birthday and she was thinking of doing her virtual 5k again. Well my birthday just happens to be 3 days after hers. So my birthday is in 12 weeks roughly from today. C-R-A-P. Please Jesus I don't want to turn 33 weighing over 200 pounds. But losing 47 pounds in 12 weeks. Is that realistic? Nope. I don't think I can really justify or figure out how to lose 4 pounds a week. That's just not healthy. I really need to do a lot of reflecting soon on why I eat the way I do and what to help combat that. I'm also going to come up with a plan for going to the gym. I told a friend who is thinking of doing p90x for the 90 day challenge that I would make up my own challenge and do a 90 day thing with her. My birthday is in 82 days from today. So I wouldn't even be done with a challenge by then. But it's going to be good to come up with something. Oh geez. That makes me want to do it right now haha..But right now I need to be getting my little self in bed. I have one more day with kids this week...I can do this haha!!

At any rate. I'm getting back in the game. Mentally and physically. One of these days I'm going to make it to the water aerobics class. Which is part of the whole reason that I signed up for the gym in the first place! Haha..gotta make it happen :0)

Wednesday weigh in Week 89 and 90

Yeah I'm a slacker.

Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.

Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.

And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.

It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.

So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.

I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?

You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.

But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.

So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.

So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.

But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.

But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.

It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?

Wednesday weigh in week 85

Well my computer wasn't working at the time so I decided to use my phone. Needless to say this post is going to be pretty short ;-)

I have done one week of my August workout challenge. 

Yeah. 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. 

Either that or I might lose 10 or 15 pounds this month lol!

I think I will go for the latter. That's the goal anyway. I mean whose bright idea was it to do 200 squats all the time? 

Oh yeah. That would be me. 

Everything else seems to be going great. I'm still a little concerned that I might be doing the crunches wrong. But I have completely surprised myself with the fact that as of this morning I can do a 30 second plank. Oh. My. Goodness. That's huge! I mean who do I think I am? Hahaha. I have to repeat it tomorrow so I will see how it goes. I barely made it to 30 seconds this morning. But I knew even if I couldn't get to 90 seconds like the goal is, that I will go for as long as possible each day. 

So. I have been sweating like crazy and making sure I get my workouts in. Week one is done and now and I am on to week two. 

I found a little program that I can watermark my pictures. I got a little weirded out by a comment on a picture once and haven't posted a lot. So I might be silly copyrighting my picture but there you go. 

So this is the August workout. From Hell. Haha. That I created for myself! 

Wednesday Weigh in Week 84

Wednesday just seems to sneak up on me, but here we are again.

I'm feeling pretty good about finishing my squat challenge yesterday. And then I got a bill paid off on top of that. So it was a pretty dang good day yesterday. I even was noticing some changes in my body yesterday. In the squatting area. Haha. That's the best way that I can explain it I guess. But needless to say it's encouraging to me. Even though it took a month of squats to do it. Haha. But I will be continuing on with the squats. And then some, so I will be excited to see what the end of August is going on with my body without stepping on the scale. :)

My sister and I went mall walking last night. Haha..I have discovered why I'm not a big fan of going to the mall. I'm always trying to walk around people, they tend to walk so slow. Of course I'm not there to shop. I'm there to walk. So trying to walk around people and keep up with my sister who has longer legs than me was interesting. Of course I was only there because that's where she wanted to walk. I'm totally ok with walking outside. But at any rate we went walking for about 45 minutes and I was a little irritated that I didn't bring my water, because I was feeling it.

I'm going to need to figure out my workouts for August, because realistically I don't think that I can get the whole workout done at one time with my schedule. So I might have to break up the cardio and strength stuff just due to my time. So I will just have to try it out and see I guess.

But I am encouraged where the squat challenge took me. It took me all month to notice the change so I guess I will see what August brings.

Can't believe it's the last day of July! The year is halfway over already! How come everything seems to fly so fast?

Wednesday Weigh in week 82/30 day Squat challenge week 3

I realized that when I was heading to vacation that I hadn't posted my Wednesday weigh in post AGAIN last week. This no scale thing is throwing me off. Starting to feel like a broken record. Still need to reign in the eating, but still doing the challenge ;)

30 day squat challenge is going surprisingly well! I have finished them every day! The most I have done a day is 150. Tomorrow will be 160. And to think next Tuesday will be 200! I'm almost done with the challenge and that's kind of what excites me the most. Starting it and FINISHING it! And to say that I've done 200 squats today would be something else too ;) I have noticed that my knees are feeling better. Especially going up and down stairs. I even did my squats while we were on vacation. Ok. Nothing like hiding out from 21 of your closest family members and working out ;) Plus we did a lot of walking while we were there. So I felt pretty good. And I think with doing the challenge that I was able to walk better. My knees and my legs weren't bothering me as much. And let me tell you, there were a lot of hills/stairs in this town.

I did some crazy things this week. Haha. One of them was that we went on a whale watching adventure while we were there. Now I've gone to this town so many times and I don't think I've ever gone out on the boat before. So we paid our money, got on the boat and away we went. We were told up front was the best place so obviously my friend and I went there ;) Well for an hour it was all fun. We actually saw a whale several times! And had the coolest tour guide. Well he told us that when we turned around that we up front were going to get pretty wet. Most everyone left and went to the back. Do you think we went back. Uh no. My friend and I got COMPLETELY drenched. I'm talking head to toe soaked. We screamed and laughed the whole way back. And then felt like I had gained 10 pounds because of my jeans being soaked. Needless to say we had to go back to the house to change before we went out and did anything else :0)

And then we ended up at Ripley's Believe it or not. Where believe it or not, I cheated on my no scale summer. Yeah. I'm just gonna go ahead and admit it. I could have covered the part where it said what I weighed on the earth. But I glanced over. Needless to say I weigh 90 pounds on the moon and about 12 pounds on Pluto. Which doesn't even count because it's not a planet anymore. But whatever. I do have to say I was a little disappointed. You know how you automatically start justifying in your head. Well I have to take off 2 pounds just for clothes and oh jeez, this is a heavy sweatshirt because it's only 60 degrees here and blah blah blah. And it was in the middle of the day and yada yada yada. So so far I haven't gone down a whole lot. BUT the number was lower than the last time I weighed in. So that's at least a bonus!

Needless to say, we just got back from vacation a few hours ago, and I'm not ready to go back to the real world. But I have to. I have to say I have a little fear about posting my pictures on my blog. I need to figure out a little watermark thing before I'm gonna do that, but I do want to post some soon. Goals goals goals :0)

Wednesday weigh in Week 81/30 day squat challenge week 2

Wow, I think I almost fell off the face of the earth ;)

Wednesday was super busy and I just ended up not being able to post, as well as thursday and friday, and well you get the point ;)

Still not up to par with my food. But not necessarily completely over doing it? I still don't "feel" like I look like I have lost weight however. Which is a little discouraging. But I really just need to really get into gear besides the challenge and get some workouts done.

That being said!! I finished week 2 of the 30 day squat challenge. Wow. Today I did 125 squats. And yes by the end of them, I was not squatting down all the way! Haha. But so far my legs feel good. I'm really attributing this to the yoga stretches I do afterwards. There are days that my knee feels swollen from what I am doing, but after those first 3 days of doing the squats I have yet to be sore. Which I'm surely pleased about! I mean let's be honest. Who wants to be sore after a workout? Haha

The challenge this week is going to be getting my squats in while I'm on vacation. Yes. The Beach is calling my name. Along with 20 other members of my family ;) In one house. I mean let's just all be crazy together! You agree? Sweet! We are going to be there for 4 nights. So I have 2-3 days of doing my squats while I am there. I will have one rest day. And I will probably do the one at home when we get home that last day. So really I guess that only leaves 2 days. Which I'm sure is do able. I mean what's doing 140 and 150 squats in front of your family like? Now I just have to figure out if I want to actually take my yoga mat down there, or just do my stretches on the floor ;)

But for now, my happy place is calling my name. I know because I've already started packing. And that my dear friends is a miracle in and of itself!

30 day Squat Challenge

Oy. I think sometimes I'm a little bit on the loony side. Me? Take on a 30 day squat challenge? I. HATE. squats. As in like, generally refuse to do them. So naturally as I'm dinking around pinning things on Pinterest I came across this challenge: 30 Day Squat Challenge

The thing I liked about this thing is you aren't doing the basic squat 200 times. I mean how boring is that? I like that it's 5 different kinds of squats that you do in a rotation and work your way up to 200. Ahem. I mean over 200. Because naturally you will see in 2 of those squats you add a back kick and a side kick and you have to do 2 squats to equal one rep. Sneaky little FitSugar ;) AND the fact that you have a rest day every 4th day. So you do squats for 3 days and have a rest day. Nice.

So yesterday was Day One. I lined up my yoga mat and did my favorite 20 minute yoga stretching youtube video. Not gonna lie, it's the only yoga I do, then I watched FitSugar's instruction clip on how to do a squat correctly. Now honestly to me, this was the best instruction on how to do a squat that I have seen and it helped me greatly. I'm pretty sure that if I do a squat like that every time I'm not going to hurt myself :) You can watch it in the clip on the challenge page. It's in the basic squat section.

 And then I did my 30 squats for the day. Huffing and puffing, and not sure I did it right but decided that today I'm gonna need water. Haha. And I'm not really setting a time limit on anything. It's not like I am trying to hurry these. So if it takes me an hour, it takes me an hour. The point is to do it.

So why would I take on a challenge to do something I hate? Good Question! I have no idea. Well I suppose I have a little idea. I wanted a challenge so I could complete something. And now I'm smacking my head and my poor thighs for picking this one. But I need to get myself back on track with working out and I thought a challenge would be an excellent way to do that. And I can do this pretty much anywhere. And since I am going out of town twice in July I don't have to pack anything up to take with me. (Well except for my yoga mat, I think I'm gonna take that!) And by the end of it hopefully my knees and ankles will be a bit stronger and can handle more walking or running. That's really what I was looking for, something to strengthen my knees and ankles. And then I realized today that duh, July has 31 days in it. So by the end of the month I will be ecstatically done!!

And by then maybe I will have a nice little strength training routine come up with and I will continue to do squats on a regular basis. Maybe not 200 a day? Or every other day or whatever? But who knows? Maybe I will come up with a crazy LOVE for squats.

Other than that, I am still trying to reign it in. My no scale summer is a slow go. No I still haven't weighed myself but I haven't been 100% on track either. Last weekend was a busy full of coffee weekend, and no it wasn't soy. So by Sunday morning my heart literally hurt from all the caffeine I had. Because in any of that did I mention the word decaf at all? Nope. And I have learned my lesson once again and the word decaf will roll off of my tongue once again when I order coffee.  And I am going to take July to also ween myself off of dairy and gluten once again. If I can't go completely gluten free I will at least go mostly gluten free. At least 2 meals a day. But the goal is to go completely free by the time I am back to school. It just means a lot of separate cooking.

And I have heard the best way to get rid of stiff sore muscles is to go and workout again. :0) So that's the plan. Gonna hit day two of challenge here shortly. 50 squats, here I come!

What's your favorite challenge that you have done? Exercise or food wise? I wanna know!

Wednesday Weigh in Week 79

Well, I am here to say that week one of do not weigh myself and not stress about weigh in came and went...and I don't think it went very well?

But then again, I am my own worst critic.

On the bright side of it all, I did manage to get a workout in! Oh man. I'm pretty sure it's the first time that I have worked out in the last 3 months maybe? I don't know. At any rate, I got my garmin all charged up, and my new running shoes on, and I went for a walk around my block. Haha..So the area that we just moved into, is kind of like a huge rectangle. So I walked the huge rectangle, expecting it to be around 3 miles. Well I was close..it ended up being 2.5 miles. Which still isn't horrible. I was hoping for 3 miles. For some reason in my head 3 miles seems like a minimum workout to me? Like if I don't get 3 miles in it's not worth it?

I'm weird..I know.

I let emotional eating get the best of me this week. I seriously need to buckle down, for my body and for my credit card's sake ;) I'm getting pretty determined to go all hard core on my diet again and seriously cut the dairy and gluten out. And eggs when at all possible. I mean I know eggs are baked into things. But if I can avoid most of that too, I will be doing good. I have been really hesitant pinning things on Pinterest because it's just a lot of dang work. It requires separate meals from my entire family. They have no desire to go gluten free. Nor do they need to. I don't really need to per se, but if I think about the blood type diet, gluten isn't good for my blood type. And I need to find an easy breakfast solution. Cinnamon sugar toast just ain't cutting it anymore. But a no gluten, no dairy, and no egg breakfast that's easy to make? Umm, I really have no desire to eat oatmeal every day. I did that once for a challenge and I really haven't touched the stuff again.

But back before I even knew I was allergic to all that stuff, and I cut it out at the beginning of the year because I thought I had Candida. I dropped almost 25 pounds in 3 months! So if I can wrap my head around that and remember those things. Yes, making and buying my own food is going to be hard. But if in the next half a year, since that's what I have left this year. But if I could lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months that would be amazing! And really it's quite do-able. So yeah. That's what I NEED to be doing.

So I'm thinking about being very stupid and starting a squat challenge next month. It's something I pinned that takes you in a month ending up doing 200 squats a month. Um yeah. I hate squats. But I want strong knees. And a strong backside really helps with running :0) So basically there are 5 squats that it has you do and you end up doing so many of them a day. In the end you do 10 reps of all 5 squats 4 times and that's your 200 squats a day. Sounds interesting enough. But can I do it? 3 days of squats and then a day of rest. And then it just repeats itself. I don't know if my back can handle it or not, or even my knees. I guess I don't have to go very deep if I can't handle it. But I'm really in the mood to start a challenge and finish it! Dang it. And I kind of liked this one? Oddly enough...for me who hates squats ;)

So in a way, I'm glad I didn't weigh myself today. I'm intrigued by the idea of doing all the work (which I will be getting myself to do) and not looking for the reward. Not looking for the payout. Not trying to live my life based on the 3 digit number I see staring back at me. To get out there and life my life. Not in fear of what that number will be when I get back on the scale in September. But to realize it doesn't define me. That number isn't Dena. It might be what I weigh. But it's not my personality. It's not my smile, my mind. My anything. Culture seems to think it should define me. But I'm about to defy culture right now in the next 3 months. Will I hate all my clothes. Absolutely. I'm in the process of trying to pick out a new sports bra. I'm quite up there. Let me tell you. And the wearing 2 sports bras thing I got going on right now isn't working so hot. I ended up bleeding from my broken one. No Bueno. But can I get myself to spend the money on it? Oh geez. I wish I could go to the store and pick one out and try it on. But just like my shoes and wide width. They just don't go carrying DDD sports bras in the store. Hello Amazon. /end rant.

Speaking of shoes!! I bought 3 pairs this week! My running shoes came in. Which I am ecstatic to say they have PURPLE in them! I have never in my life owned a "cute" pair of running shoes. All the shoes I have ordered have been grey and blue or white and blue. Well I think I about scared the guy at the running store when he opened the box and I let out a squeal about them being grey and purple. I have cute running shoes! He mumbled something about them having new colors every year and something something..but yeah. I am excited. And then I just happened to try this pair of sandals on at Payless Shoesource. Now granted I haven't been able to fit into their shoes for a good 10 years (since I worked there). Well I slipped these on and to my shock and surprise they fit me too. They are a little to long in front, but that's ok. I ended up buying the tan pair that day. (2 pairs of shoes in one day?!?) And then I went back the following day and got a black pair. This never happens to me. I would just like to say. I pretty much just doubled the amount of shoes that I own in 2 days. I have 3 pairs that I wear consistently: a pair of flip flops (men's cause they fit better), a pair of backless clog type slip on casual shoe, and my running shoes. Then I have the nice dress shoes I just bought for the wedding I went to in April, and 2 other sandal dress shoes. I felt like such a girl coming home with all these shoes. Anyways. That was a joy for me this week haha..

And I am happy to report that I am just about unpacked and all moved into my new house (at least my PERSONAL stuff is). I have found a place for all my stuff, or it is conveniently hiding behind a door or in a drawer for me to sort through later. I have a friend coming to hang pictures with me tomorrow and everything will have its place. It's kind of exciting.

Now that I've rambled on ;) I am going to do a yoga thing on youtube and go to bed! I have woken up so stiff lately, that I want to see if this will help me at all, It's 20 minutes of gently stretching. Nothing bad :)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 78

Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.

But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.

But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.

I need a break from the scale.

But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.

So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!

I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)

On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)

And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.

So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)