Well I'm glad the first 9 days of the year were awesome. I have spent the next 14 days wishing for a redo button. That was a fast reality crash.
Due to unforeseen events my church closed last week. And my life has once again gone into a tailspin. I found out Tuesday of last week that the church was closing. I spent Wednesday evening packing up the church and Thursday moving it out of the building. Saturday night I tried out a different church. It wasn't bad. Just different.
But it's not what I was expecting to start out the year with. I wasn't expecting to be churchless 10 days into the new year. I wasn't expecting my Pastors to have to move away so that he can recover. I wasn't expecting to have to find a new church. I mean really. I was planning on moving in a year or so to a different place and going to a different church there. But I already know that church. I don't have to guess or church shop around for a church.
It hasn't fully sunk in yet. I love my Pastors. I truly want whats best for them and for their health. But I wasn't quite ready to fly out of the nest yet. Haha. I was pretty dang comfortable.
Which leads me to think that this just might not end up being a comfortable year :) And that's a little scary of a process to think.
It's like I said on facebook after it all happened. God I don't know what you are doing...but I know YOU. His plans are to prosper me, not harm me. His plans are to be right beside me, not hiding from me. His plans are to lead and guide me, not leave my hanging to my own devices.
And while I haven't made it to the gym, due to long nights and less sleep. I really just am trying to not make myself sick. I haven't let my eating go completely. I think today has been the worst day out of all of them. I have had way too much bread and milk. But for the most part I've still kept myself in check for the majority of the day. And that's at least something.
So I'm not even out of January yet, and I feel like I need to start over haha! I guess life just might not be going the way I thought it was. So here's to a new adventure!
Showing posts with label obese. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obese. Show all posts
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Progress
Well. 9 days into the new year and I'm actually feeling pretty good about how things are going. Could I be better? Of course! But I'm pleased with the decisions I've made. I've tried a new food already. Finished burning some of my CD's, I've created and have been sticking to a working out routine. I've been dairy free 4 out of 9 days. And gluten free 6 out of 9 days. And really it's not like I've horribly binged on everything dairy and gluten. For the dairy it was just the fact that I had a regular iced coffee instead of a soy one. The rest of the day was fine. And then today I had 2 cinnamon rolls. The icing I'm sure had milk in it, so I counted that as dairy today. Oh and then I had some chicken nuggets at dinner. And then the other day that I had gluten was the day I had a normal waffle in the morning because I was going to work out and hadn't gone to the store yet.And then stayed gluten free the rest of the day. I guess I forgot that I didn't start all these food goals until the second. So technically I'm one day off, but oh well.
The majority of the time I have made the right decisions and been gluten and dairy free. And I'm not angry or mad at myself. I knew that I was going to be easing myself into it. And I could tell today. I came home with a headache. Which I knew was from the food. So I can already tell that it's working. I just need to get that regular coffee down to once a week ;)
So my coworker the other day showed me a product on facebook that she had seen a picture of. It's called gluten-ease. And you are supposed to be able to take it before you eat gluten or casein. (Which is what I am allergic to) and it's supposed to help you digest the gluten or casein better and help your body with them. I'm pretty intrigued by it. At first I was a little leary about it. I don't want to be reliant on something to help me digest something I'm not supposed to be eating in the first place. But then I became curious and want to try it. Well mainly because I want to keep on drinking Dutch Bros :) I just can't handle a soy Iced kicker :( Not good at all!. So I'm probably going to end up getting some and trying it out. Not so I can get away with eating all the crap I was before, but if I want to get my coffee once a week, or if I'm in a social setting that I know I'm going to be served food I shouldn't be eating I can try it. I'm not willing to go soy everything. I can handle soy in my hot coffees. But not in cold. So yeah..that's just something that I saw. But it did have a warning saying it wasn't intended for people with Celiac's disease. I don't want to become dependent on something like that. But a little help now and them wouldn't hurt ;)
And the gym :) Oh I am quickly liking going the gym late at night. Like after 8 or almost 9. It's been pretty empty in there at that time. So I'm not fighting anyone over machines or anything like that. And I'm not being intimidated by what the people around me are doing. Except for the one guy running tonight. He had great form and was just going to town on that treadmill. I wasn't gonna get right next to him and start huffing and puffing haha!
So tonight it was Week one of c25k day 2. I'm seriously only running at a 3 mph pace. But I'm moving :) And its not hurting my knee still. Last night I was there and I did the strength training that I learned about when I went and had someone show me the machines. I was able to find most of them, but I can't remember what some of them are haha!! So I didn't get to do those ones. But it was good to get some strength training in. That's one of my weaker areas for sure. But having the clipboard there and writing down what I did is going to help me be accountable to it for sure! And then I'm not wandering aimlessly around the weights wondering what the heck to do. I'd forgotten how much I'd missed the machines! I'm looking forward into getting back into that for sure.
And I guess today I just started feeling a little smaller. It's been around a week now. I would think that I should be seeing some results. My stomach seems a little smaller, and either I really need to wash my jeans or they were fitting a little bit looser. Or it could be both. It's going to be interesting to keep going with the not weighing myself all year. I really want to know haha! But then again I don't really want to know. What if it was a much smaller number than I would have wanted? See I don't have any level of disappointment here. Only in the fact that I didn't do the goals. So I'm still thinking I'm going to be much better off in the process :)
Well I better get off to bed. I might be liking this night owl thing at the gym...but my body's internal clock is still waking me up too early! So yeah..it needs to act accordingly!
The majority of the time I have made the right decisions and been gluten and dairy free. And I'm not angry or mad at myself. I knew that I was going to be easing myself into it. And I could tell today. I came home with a headache. Which I knew was from the food. So I can already tell that it's working. I just need to get that regular coffee down to once a week ;)
So my coworker the other day showed me a product on facebook that she had seen a picture of. It's called gluten-ease. And you are supposed to be able to take it before you eat gluten or casein. (Which is what I am allergic to) and it's supposed to help you digest the gluten or casein better and help your body with them. I'm pretty intrigued by it. At first I was a little leary about it. I don't want to be reliant on something to help me digest something I'm not supposed to be eating in the first place. But then I became curious and want to try it. Well mainly because I want to keep on drinking Dutch Bros :) I just can't handle a soy Iced kicker :( Not good at all!. So I'm probably going to end up getting some and trying it out. Not so I can get away with eating all the crap I was before, but if I want to get my coffee once a week, or if I'm in a social setting that I know I'm going to be served food I shouldn't be eating I can try it. I'm not willing to go soy everything. I can handle soy in my hot coffees. But not in cold. So yeah..that's just something that I saw. But it did have a warning saying it wasn't intended for people with Celiac's disease. I don't want to become dependent on something like that. But a little help now and them wouldn't hurt ;)
And the gym :) Oh I am quickly liking going the gym late at night. Like after 8 or almost 9. It's been pretty empty in there at that time. So I'm not fighting anyone over machines or anything like that. And I'm not being intimidated by what the people around me are doing. Except for the one guy running tonight. He had great form and was just going to town on that treadmill. I wasn't gonna get right next to him and start huffing and puffing haha!
So tonight it was Week one of c25k day 2. I'm seriously only running at a 3 mph pace. But I'm moving :) And its not hurting my knee still. Last night I was there and I did the strength training that I learned about when I went and had someone show me the machines. I was able to find most of them, but I can't remember what some of them are haha!! So I didn't get to do those ones. But it was good to get some strength training in. That's one of my weaker areas for sure. But having the clipboard there and writing down what I did is going to help me be accountable to it for sure! And then I'm not wandering aimlessly around the weights wondering what the heck to do. I'd forgotten how much I'd missed the machines! I'm looking forward into getting back into that for sure.
And I guess today I just started feeling a little smaller. It's been around a week now. I would think that I should be seeing some results. My stomach seems a little smaller, and either I really need to wash my jeans or they were fitting a little bit looser. Or it could be both. It's going to be interesting to keep going with the not weighing myself all year. I really want to know haha! But then again I don't really want to know. What if it was a much smaller number than I would have wanted? See I don't have any level of disappointment here. Only in the fact that I didn't do the goals. So I'm still thinking I'm going to be much better off in the process :)
Well I better get off to bed. I might be liking this night owl thing at the gym...but my body's internal clock is still waking me up too early! So yeah..it needs to act accordingly!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Trying something new
Well tonight I tried a sweet potato...I know..I'm weird..I've never tried one before, but I chose it as one of the things I wanted to try, because I forsee myself eating a lot of baked potatoes, and I wanted to see if I would like one. Nope. I did not. I even put chili all over it, and that did not help haha!
But I tried it. And I ate about half of it before stopping. I just couldn't choke down anymore. I hadn't cooked it all the way, and I am a big texture person when it comes to eating...so yeah..but I tried :0)
I also have been making progress on burning my cd's to the external hard drive. Tonight I got about 50 of them burned. It's really time consuming but it's gonna be worth it when I can declutter my room. Speaking of that, I also started going through the utility closet in my room. That sounds odd to say, but when I had my own apartment at my old house, I had a big closet/cupboard thing in my walk in closet. It used to just hold a lot of junk that I didn't know what to do with but I wanted to keep. Well now it holds all of my toiletries, and well the rest of the junk that I want to keep but I don't know what to do with. I'm still paring it down thought. I emptied it out tonight and I am once again getting rid of stuff that I don't need or want anymore. I'm still pretty sentimental and want to keep a lot of stuff. I guess I'm gonna just have to get used to that fact about myself. So now I just need to come up with more ways to organize all my sentimental stuff and get it properly taken care of and stored away. But I'm getting there..I've found a lot of paper stuff tonight that I am shredding or recycling and a few things for the garbage here or there..but I will feel better once I get it all put back away..Right now my room still looks like a tornado hit it and it's 12:05 am. I've got a bit more to go before I can go to bed tonight haha!
The fun thing about burning all my CD's is that I am rediscovering all the music that I own. I literally haven't listened to any of my CD's in months if not years. The cd player in my car never works and every cd player I would own would skip after a while, so I moved on to whatever I had already put on my computer or Pandora. Even youtube :) So after looking at what I have it will be fun to play my music again...it will be like buying new cd's...except they are all old songs ;)
I'm feeling pretty good so far this year! I feel like I'm getting stuff done, and it's tracking that way too! I can be such a nerd sometimes ;)
But I tried it. And I ate about half of it before stopping. I just couldn't choke down anymore. I hadn't cooked it all the way, and I am a big texture person when it comes to eating...so yeah..but I tried :0)
I also have been making progress on burning my cd's to the external hard drive. Tonight I got about 50 of them burned. It's really time consuming but it's gonna be worth it when I can declutter my room. Speaking of that, I also started going through the utility closet in my room. That sounds odd to say, but when I had my own apartment at my old house, I had a big closet/cupboard thing in my walk in closet. It used to just hold a lot of junk that I didn't know what to do with but I wanted to keep. Well now it holds all of my toiletries, and well the rest of the junk that I want to keep but I don't know what to do with. I'm still paring it down thought. I emptied it out tonight and I am once again getting rid of stuff that I don't need or want anymore. I'm still pretty sentimental and want to keep a lot of stuff. I guess I'm gonna just have to get used to that fact about myself. So now I just need to come up with more ways to organize all my sentimental stuff and get it properly taken care of and stored away. But I'm getting there..I've found a lot of paper stuff tonight that I am shredding or recycling and a few things for the garbage here or there..but I will feel better once I get it all put back away..Right now my room still looks like a tornado hit it and it's 12:05 am. I've got a bit more to go before I can go to bed tonight haha!
The fun thing about burning all my CD's is that I am rediscovering all the music that I own. I literally haven't listened to any of my CD's in months if not years. The cd player in my car never works and every cd player I would own would skip after a while, so I moved on to whatever I had already put on my computer or Pandora. Even youtube :) So after looking at what I have it will be fun to play my music again...it will be like buying new cd's...except they are all old songs ;)
I'm feeling pretty good so far this year! I feel like I'm getting stuff done, and it's tracking that way too! I can be such a nerd sometimes ;)
Friday, January 3, 2014
Cleaning out life..
Today was one of those days where I wanted to get so much more done than I actually did. I have had the last two weeks off for Christmas Break. Did I do much? Nope. I hardly even got out of my pajamas for most of it. My bed and I have been very friendly. I have taken the word break very literal. That's for sure.
And of course in my life when my room is a mess, I seem to be a mess. So a lot of times when I feel the need to clean out my life it always ends up being a spiritual cleaning as well as a physical one. But today I was focusing on the kitchen during the day. The counter and the stove have been driving me crazy, so I took everything off of the counter and wiped it off really good and put everything away. Then I attacked the stove. I mean took burners off, elements out and lifted the top up and cleaned underneath the stove part. I was scrubbing grease out of that thing for over an hour! It was crazy. But the stove looks much better now :) It was almost like spring cleaning..in the winter haha!
And then tonight I sorted through some of my clothes and finally started burning my cd's to my external hard drive so I can start getting rid of them. I now realize this is going to take forever! Oh my gosh. Of course tonight I had to figure out where I had left off. I started this process before we moved back in May, so it was time to restart. I got the ones burned that didn't want to work last time and then about 15 more..and it took me almost 2 hours. Yikes. I have somewhere around 350 cd's. So this is going to take a while. But I can't wait until it's done and I can make some space in my room and get rid of all the tubs holding cd cases. It kind of saddens me though. I love music. I loved buying cd's and reading all the cover art and stuff..and I don't get that when I buy them on Itunes. So it's not the same kind of feeling for me. I will more than likely have a better chance of listening to all my music when they finally all get on the drive. Click click and I am there :0)
Stayed dairy and gluten free again today. :0) But I'm hungry! I definitely need to get to the store and get some more food I can eat. I'm pretty limited right now because my family loves gluten and dairy. Of course. Breakfast still is a struggle for me. I just have no idea what to eat that early that is easy to prepare and healthy. And doesn't involve dairy, bread, or eggs. Shoot..let's just take away every breakfast item known to mankind and make it off limits for me. Thanks body.
Well I better be getting to bed. I am pretty determined to get to water aerobics at 9 am. Which is still earlier than I would like to be up on my last Saturday of break, but I put it on the workout calendar :) So that must mean I should go!
And of course in my life when my room is a mess, I seem to be a mess. So a lot of times when I feel the need to clean out my life it always ends up being a spiritual cleaning as well as a physical one. But today I was focusing on the kitchen during the day. The counter and the stove have been driving me crazy, so I took everything off of the counter and wiped it off really good and put everything away. Then I attacked the stove. I mean took burners off, elements out and lifted the top up and cleaned underneath the stove part. I was scrubbing grease out of that thing for over an hour! It was crazy. But the stove looks much better now :) It was almost like spring cleaning..in the winter haha!
And then tonight I sorted through some of my clothes and finally started burning my cd's to my external hard drive so I can start getting rid of them. I now realize this is going to take forever! Oh my gosh. Of course tonight I had to figure out where I had left off. I started this process before we moved back in May, so it was time to restart. I got the ones burned that didn't want to work last time and then about 15 more..and it took me almost 2 hours. Yikes. I have somewhere around 350 cd's. So this is going to take a while. But I can't wait until it's done and I can make some space in my room and get rid of all the tubs holding cd cases. It kind of saddens me though. I love music. I loved buying cd's and reading all the cover art and stuff..and I don't get that when I buy them on Itunes. So it's not the same kind of feeling for me. I will more than likely have a better chance of listening to all my music when they finally all get on the drive. Click click and I am there :0)
Stayed dairy and gluten free again today. :0) But I'm hungry! I definitely need to get to the store and get some more food I can eat. I'm pretty limited right now because my family loves gluten and dairy. Of course. Breakfast still is a struggle for me. I just have no idea what to eat that early that is easy to prepare and healthy. And doesn't involve dairy, bread, or eggs. Shoot..let's just take away every breakfast item known to mankind and make it off limits for me. Thanks body.
Well I better be getting to bed. I am pretty determined to get to water aerobics at 9 am. Which is still earlier than I would like to be up on my last Saturday of break, but I put it on the workout calendar :) So that must mean I should go!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Day one of gluten and dairy free
Whoah...I've got a lot of work ahead of me.
I'd say today was pretty successful. Minus 2 bowls of fritos and lay's potato chips to tide me over while food was cooking I'd say I did pretty good. Ok..I had a soda too...but it was only 8 oz ;) But I never said anything about giving up soda did I? Oh no I didn't. That's because I probably can count the number on both my hand on how often I drink it. Well this year? I'm 2 for 2. Haha..I normally don't keep it in the house and the had the cute little 8 oz A&W cans...really the only soda I will choose to drink. So I split it up with ice 2 times and thoroughly enjoyed it :)
I discovered that I can easily wait too long to make food. Especially since it's more real foods..I have to take the time to cook it. Which today meant 45 minutes for some brown rice and later over an hour to bake my potato. Because in my little world potatoes don't get cooked in the microwave ;) And so with trying to take the time to make the food I feel into the oh-my-gosh I am starving and ate a handful of chips before lunch and then again for a snack before dinner. I'll get something figured out..so I won't be starving by the time I eat.
So let's see. Today I had coffee, a banana,some fritos, a salad with brown rice and a can of chicken (like tuna), then some lays,some applesauce, a baked potato, and a chicken breast, and a can of soda. NO dairy and NO gluten! SO in that way it was quite a successful day. I just need to learn to restructure it a little more and add some healthier choices in. All in all I didn't do horrible. I know for sure that I am not going to be putting food in that I don't love. I'm here to live my life, not hate my food. The goal is to come up with some new foods that I might learn to like, but I'm not throwing everything in all at once. I looked at my plate at dinner and thought it could have used a vegetable, but I was eating an hour past everyone else and wasn't going to make a whole can of green beans for myself ;) Like I said. I'm getting there :0)
So I know that meal planning is going to be a must for me now. I can't just go rummaging around the kitchen trying to find something to eat. Because at that point it's not going to be gluten or dairy free if I'm trying to eat out of convenience. And that defeats the purpose.
I'm also going to have to be sure that I am watching my salt intake. I noticed that I salted my salad as well as the chicken having a lot of salt. And then of course the chips, and then later I made sure not to salt my potato, even though I wanted it because I felt like I had too much for the day. It's all about finding the balance.
So today was off to a good start :) Now on to tomorrow!
I'd say today was pretty successful. Minus 2 bowls of fritos and lay's potato chips to tide me over while food was cooking I'd say I did pretty good. Ok..I had a soda too...but it was only 8 oz ;) But I never said anything about giving up soda did I? Oh no I didn't. That's because I probably can count the number on both my hand on how often I drink it. Well this year? I'm 2 for 2. Haha..I normally don't keep it in the house and the had the cute little 8 oz A&W cans...really the only soda I will choose to drink. So I split it up with ice 2 times and thoroughly enjoyed it :)
I discovered that I can easily wait too long to make food. Especially since it's more real foods..I have to take the time to cook it. Which today meant 45 minutes for some brown rice and later over an hour to bake my potato. Because in my little world potatoes don't get cooked in the microwave ;) And so with trying to take the time to make the food I feel into the oh-my-gosh I am starving and ate a handful of chips before lunch and then again for a snack before dinner. I'll get something figured out..so I won't be starving by the time I eat.
So let's see. Today I had coffee, a banana,some fritos, a salad with brown rice and a can of chicken (like tuna), then some lays,some applesauce, a baked potato, and a chicken breast, and a can of soda. NO dairy and NO gluten! SO in that way it was quite a successful day. I just need to learn to restructure it a little more and add some healthier choices in. All in all I didn't do horrible. I know for sure that I am not going to be putting food in that I don't love. I'm here to live my life, not hate my food. The goal is to come up with some new foods that I might learn to like, but I'm not throwing everything in all at once. I looked at my plate at dinner and thought it could have used a vegetable, but I was eating an hour past everyone else and wasn't going to make a whole can of green beans for myself ;) Like I said. I'm getting there :0)
So I know that meal planning is going to be a must for me now. I can't just go rummaging around the kitchen trying to find something to eat. Because at that point it's not going to be gluten or dairy free if I'm trying to eat out of convenience. And that defeats the purpose.
I'm also going to have to be sure that I am watching my salt intake. I noticed that I salted my salad as well as the chicken having a lot of salt. And then of course the chips, and then later I made sure not to salt my potato, even though I wanted it because I felt like I had too much for the day. It's all about finding the balance.
So today was off to a good start :) Now on to tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Well hello 2014...
It's a new year. A new beginning. Doesn't everyone always feel excited and ready to take on a new year right about now? Wait no? Not really?
I have tended to start out the year feeling depressed about how the last year went and how I never accomplished anything or did anything with my life. To be honest the last two years have kinda sucked. And last year I was ready for a fresh start, and well it didn't really happen.
So I decided to do things differently this year. And I've mentioned it in the last couple of blogs I've written, with my goals for January. But something hit me this morning. I can have all these goals and ideas but I don't have a way to track them and keep myself accountable. I need a way to show myself in December that yes, I did accomplish something. I want proof that I didn't spend this year doing "nothing" like I always feel like.
So I jumped on excel this morning and made a very simple checklist of my goals and the dates 1-31. Haha..cause I just like to check boxes off. I mean it's rustic. But whatever..it's gonna help me track. And I can tell you right now that I know I'm not going to be completely dairy and gluten free in January. But if I can be 85-90% it's a dang good start. Then I can work on improving it in February and keep going. But I have to be realistic about life and understand that it takes time. I don't want to make myself fail at it. Or set myself up for a binge. But I do have a pot of Velveeta dip in the crockpot right now just waiting to be devoured :) Eating goals don't start until the 2nd ;)
Since one of my big goals this year is to not weigh myself at all, I did it yesterday. I think I determined that I gained 21 pounds last year. Like I said..the last 2 years weren't all that kind to me. I enjoyed my food and coffee lol! And so I did the most logical thing to me to do to keep myself off of the scale :) I took the battery out. Smart no? I thought so. I know I won't be tempted to go into my sister's room to use hers...and mine's gonna be put away out of sight out of mind with no battery. So I would have to be completely desperate to go buy a new battery and dig my scale out to weigh myself. But I'm looking forward to not weighing myself this year.
My main goal this year is to quit obsessing about weight loss and go out and live my life.
If I had to sum up all of my goals this year that would be it. Yes. Establishing a new eating routine and getting myself into a regular workout schedule are part of my goals. But so is making my bed everyday and decluttering my life. It's a relative to a better me.. You know? And deciding to make monthly goals instead of yearly ones has made me feel not so overwhelmed. I can do things for 4 weeks at a time. You know. So I can change things up and not be into such a rut. That's what I'm telling myself.
So out with the old, and in with the new fresh start. A clean slate. A new year. To make of it what I will, and see what I will become. And the things that happen because of the choices that I make.
I know I'm ready for it!
I have tended to start out the year feeling depressed about how the last year went and how I never accomplished anything or did anything with my life. To be honest the last two years have kinda sucked. And last year I was ready for a fresh start, and well it didn't really happen.
So I decided to do things differently this year. And I've mentioned it in the last couple of blogs I've written, with my goals for January. But something hit me this morning. I can have all these goals and ideas but I don't have a way to track them and keep myself accountable. I need a way to show myself in December that yes, I did accomplish something. I want proof that I didn't spend this year doing "nothing" like I always feel like.
So I jumped on excel this morning and made a very simple checklist of my goals and the dates 1-31. Haha..cause I just like to check boxes off. I mean it's rustic. But whatever..it's gonna help me track. And I can tell you right now that I know I'm not going to be completely dairy and gluten free in January. But if I can be 85-90% it's a dang good start. Then I can work on improving it in February and keep going. But I have to be realistic about life and understand that it takes time. I don't want to make myself fail at it. Or set myself up for a binge. But I do have a pot of Velveeta dip in the crockpot right now just waiting to be devoured :) Eating goals don't start until the 2nd ;)
Since one of my big goals this year is to not weigh myself at all, I did it yesterday. I think I determined that I gained 21 pounds last year. Like I said..the last 2 years weren't all that kind to me. I enjoyed my food and coffee lol! And so I did the most logical thing to me to do to keep myself off of the scale :) I took the battery out. Smart no? I thought so. I know I won't be tempted to go into my sister's room to use hers...and mine's gonna be put away out of sight out of mind with no battery. So I would have to be completely desperate to go buy a new battery and dig my scale out to weigh myself. But I'm looking forward to not weighing myself this year.
My main goal this year is to quit obsessing about weight loss and go out and live my life.
If I had to sum up all of my goals this year that would be it. Yes. Establishing a new eating routine and getting myself into a regular workout schedule are part of my goals. But so is making my bed everyday and decluttering my life. It's a relative to a better me.. You know? And deciding to make monthly goals instead of yearly ones has made me feel not so overwhelmed. I can do things for 4 weeks at a time. You know. So I can change things up and not be into such a rut. That's what I'm telling myself.
So out with the old, and in with the new fresh start. A clean slate. A new year. To make of it what I will, and see what I will become. And the things that happen because of the choices that I make.
I know I'm ready for it!
Friday, December 27, 2013
what to do what to do?
So I've had Blogger open on my computer all day, I've just been trying to figure out what to write. Haha. Go figure.
Christmas was great :0) I was given a lot of coffee. Haha..Sounds like a great Christmas to me! I got two bags of my favorite coffee, and a gift card to the place that sells it. Another gift card to a different coffee place in town and a couple of K-cups to try out at my grandma's house. I'm still undecided on if I actually want a Keurig or not. All the different kinds of coffee that I have tried I haven't been a big fan of. Well truthfully I'm not a big fan of the taste of coffee...I enjoy the milk and the syrup flavor way more than I like the coffee ;) So I'm still deciding on that. Santa was gonna bring me one I'm pretty sure..but I didn't know if I wanted it or not. So I got nothing. Haha..Well from Santa anyways. I ended up with lots of little things that I needed, so that was great. A big comfy pillow, (the boomerang pillow anyone? yeah. I really like it actually), some slippers, pjs, a little massager thing, my calendar..yep..it was a nice Christmas. Until we blew all the breakers while cooking dinner..But they came back on and we were able to finish up in time. :0)
Which leads me to after Christmas. Boy oh boy, have I had the case of the lazy's! I have not wanted to do a thing. And I pretty much haven't really. Yesterday I took the recycling in. 75 pounds of paper and cardboard. For all my hard work I got 1.50. Yep good thing I don't recycle for money! Haha..I just feel better not throwing everything away. I'm just weird like that I guess..
I literally have been on my bed again all day. Except for when I had a nice bath. I've been trying to find a song to sing for my New Year's Eve party at church this year, and nothing has really jumped out at me. True to form, I'm waiting until last minute again, but even last year I found something late but I don't know this year. I guess I will see.
I've had a headache since Christmas Eve pretty much. I don't know if it's a lack of coffee that's not decaf or if it's foods that I'm eating or what? We have had some stagnant air around here lately and that could also be a cause, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Starting with water aerobics tomorrow. I've had too long of a break, and I'm really ready to get started. Doesn't help that I can't swim a week out of the month ;) But I will get used to that I suppose. It's nice to have breaks every now and then. And then I was looking for new swimsuits. I haven't been in the water much in the one I currently have but oh boy, I can tell it's starting to wear out. So I've found one I like today, I was just waiting on buying it...why I don't know lol! but I was. Probably because I'm trying to not spend so much money..but this is going to be a need with all the swimming I am going to be doing.
I'm getting back into my I want to make a list mode. Which is good and bad. Good because I like to make lists of things I want to do. Bad because once I make a list I hardly ever do anything with it. Which just happens to be my goal next year :-) To get myself to be accountable for finishing things that I start...imagine that!
I think I've just got the munchies...starting to get into the eat everything I want before I start eating healthy again. Does everyone do that. I've had no shame in eating the leftover Christmas cookies and pretzels. :) I mean I'm not stuffed completely..but I wasn't about to not eat them. And I would have had velveeta dip and chips all day today if I had a can of chili to put in it haha. I guess I will save that for another day. I'm going to be serious about a new eating lifestyle change. Going back to dairy and gluten free. Which means I'm going to be eating a lot by myself haha! I'm pretty sure every meal we make involves one or both of them. It's going to be my biggest struggle..but worth it in the end when my body feels so much better!
Well I'm off to figure out January goals. Or go back to sleep ;0) One of the two!
Christmas was great :0) I was given a lot of coffee. Haha..Sounds like a great Christmas to me! I got two bags of my favorite coffee, and a gift card to the place that sells it. Another gift card to a different coffee place in town and a couple of K-cups to try out at my grandma's house. I'm still undecided on if I actually want a Keurig or not. All the different kinds of coffee that I have tried I haven't been a big fan of. Well truthfully I'm not a big fan of the taste of coffee...I enjoy the milk and the syrup flavor way more than I like the coffee ;) So I'm still deciding on that. Santa was gonna bring me one I'm pretty sure..but I didn't know if I wanted it or not. So I got nothing. Haha..Well from Santa anyways. I ended up with lots of little things that I needed, so that was great. A big comfy pillow, (the boomerang pillow anyone? yeah. I really like it actually), some slippers, pjs, a little massager thing, my calendar..yep..it was a nice Christmas. Until we blew all the breakers while cooking dinner..But they came back on and we were able to finish up in time. :0)
Which leads me to after Christmas. Boy oh boy, have I had the case of the lazy's! I have not wanted to do a thing. And I pretty much haven't really. Yesterday I took the recycling in. 75 pounds of paper and cardboard. For all my hard work I got 1.50. Yep good thing I don't recycle for money! Haha..I just feel better not throwing everything away. I'm just weird like that I guess..
I literally have been on my bed again all day. Except for when I had a nice bath. I've been trying to find a song to sing for my New Year's Eve party at church this year, and nothing has really jumped out at me. True to form, I'm waiting until last minute again, but even last year I found something late but I don't know this year. I guess I will see.
I've had a headache since Christmas Eve pretty much. I don't know if it's a lack of coffee that's not decaf or if it's foods that I'm eating or what? We have had some stagnant air around here lately and that could also be a cause, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Starting with water aerobics tomorrow. I've had too long of a break, and I'm really ready to get started. Doesn't help that I can't swim a week out of the month ;) But I will get used to that I suppose. It's nice to have breaks every now and then. And then I was looking for new swimsuits. I haven't been in the water much in the one I currently have but oh boy, I can tell it's starting to wear out. So I've found one I like today, I was just waiting on buying it...why I don't know lol! but I was. Probably because I'm trying to not spend so much money..but this is going to be a need with all the swimming I am going to be doing.
I'm getting back into my I want to make a list mode. Which is good and bad. Good because I like to make lists of things I want to do. Bad because once I make a list I hardly ever do anything with it. Which just happens to be my goal next year :-) To get myself to be accountable for finishing things that I start...imagine that!
I think I've just got the munchies...starting to get into the eat everything I want before I start eating healthy again. Does everyone do that. I've had no shame in eating the leftover Christmas cookies and pretzels. :) I mean I'm not stuffed completely..but I wasn't about to not eat them. And I would have had velveeta dip and chips all day today if I had a can of chili to put in it haha. I guess I will save that for another day. I'm going to be serious about a new eating lifestyle change. Going back to dairy and gluten free. Which means I'm going to be eating a lot by myself haha! I'm pretty sure every meal we make involves one or both of them. It's going to be my biggest struggle..but worth it in the end when my body feels so much better!
Well I'm off to figure out January goals. Or go back to sleep ;0) One of the two!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Wednesday weigh in Week 104
The other morning I was coaching a friend, when really I was preaching to the choir like I like to do so well. She was scared about getting to her goal weight and then worried about gaining it all back. She has done amazing and really has like 2 or 3 pounds to go before hitting goal. Maintenance scares her. I spent some time telling her that the number on the scale doesn't define her. She can't live her life in fear of gaining all her weight back because that's what will happen. We go where we look. So if all she is doing is living in fear of gaining it back then that's what she will do. But if she lives her life and stays within her points and works out to maintain what she has lost, well then barring any weird medical reasons she should be fine. To LIVE. To not be obsessed over the scale and food. You know. That sort of pep talk :0)
And then I spent the next hour applying this to my life. I'm pretty sure we do the best thinking in the bathtub right? And that's where I decided it was time to be changing this blog up. I've been blogging for 2 years now. Pretty faithfully at least once a week. ;) And well I think I've gained and lost and gained and lost and somehow I think I am about 3 pounds heavier than what I started with 2 years ago. So posting my weight isn't really doing anything for me right now. Weight loss isn't really happening. And my life seems to be suffering.
So I'm taking the year off.
I went this summer without weighing myself. And I really enjoyed it. Haha..of course. I learned that I still need accountability. But it was nice to not feel like I was controlled by the number on the scale.
So my rough draft plan is to weigh myself on the 31st of December 2013, and then not weigh myself again until January 1, 2015. (WOAH. I just wrote that! That seems weird).
Now do I expect to lose weight. Oh absolutely.
But what I want to really do is shift my life around. I have spent much of my adult life OBSESSING over losing weight. I have let it control every aspect of my life on whether I do or don't do things,and on who I think of myself as. I see the number on the scale. I see the fat girl. I see someone who at times I can't stand to be around so why should anyone else. I have become so inwardly focused on losing weight that I really haven't done much else with my life.
So that's what 2014 needs to be about. Re-prioritizing my life.
That doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgo exercising and learning how to eat healthier. Those are very much going to be goals. They just aren't going to be the focus of my life. I'm going to sit down and make some monthly goals of things that don't pertain to weight and I want to do what my blog is all about: Finishing what I start. It's more than weight. I need to learn how to get myself off of the foods that I'm allergic to. I need to figure out how to get my toenails cleared up. I need to figure out how to lower my debt so I can move out into my own apartment. I need to figure out a schedule so I can continue going to school and getting a degree.
There is more to life than weight loss. And I am going to spend my 2014 doing that. So the blog will be different in January. Opening my life up to other goals that I need to accomplish. I might be a little more boring. Or I might not...you never know ;) It's time to restart life without a scale. Without my life depending on that number. Now I might go the whole year and not lose anything. Well that would suck. Not gonna lie. But if I end up happier and mentally healthier than that would be worth it in the end. I wanna see some goals checked off my list next year. And I believe that this is the way to do it. Some things happen for a season. And there might be a season when Wednesday weigh ins come back. And that would be great. Or it might be retired for good. Who knows. I have a year to figure that out.
Can you lose weight long term and not weight yourself? I have no idea. But I'm about to find out. It's going to be an interesting year for sure. But I am looking forward to it. I'm ready for a change, and I think this will be good for me.
So stick around and see what happens? :0)
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 103
Oh boy. I hit that number :/ I'm feeling just a little wonky this week. Slightly backed up. Maybe dehydrated. But life still presses on. I'm scheming up plans for the new year and just really trying to make it the next 7 days at work. I have 7 days of work left this year. Boy if that's not exciting I don't know what is. And my preschoolers are beyond ready for Christmas break. And so am I. Off to bed to rest my body!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in week 102
Boy I am ready for a new week haha! I think it comes with not actually working a whole lot during the month of November..and then going to 3 straight weeks of kids every day. It's a little tiring. Then you throw in life and school and church and all that. Let's just say I stayed in bed until 6:30 this am and that's reaaaaaaallly pushing it. I was so warm and cozy in my bed however. I looked at my phone and I'm just not a big fan of this 10 degrees and feels like 2. We finally had indoor recess today. Simply because even at 25 degrees it's no fun for a preschooler to go outside. So we did indoor stuff.
Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.
Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)
Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.
Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 101
Well that was an interesting week! I felt very encouraged by the feedback that I got from some people on my post. I haven't posted my updates on facebook in a while, really because I haven't really been losing weight, and while yes, I still post....I just know it will only be a few people that read it. Yet I still get on here every Wednesday and post haha!!
Let's see. I got up early on Saturday and got all ready for my water aerobics class and got to the gym for them to tell me that the pool had flooded and classes had been cancelled until they got it fixed. Of course I got lots of good ribbing...um how does a pool flood? But I'm still proud of the fact that I got myself up and got to the gym..whether or not I got a workout in. And no I didn't have any other workout gear with me...I was in my swimsuit and flip flops...so I went home and showered and got on with my busy day ;) I mean I wasn't too horribly mad. I'm just getting myself into the routine of actually getting up and getting myself there...and I think it will all fall into place. I had to pretend to study for my test that I took this morning.
Sunday we had a Thanksgiving meal with our church after service..That's always fun :) I'm not to keen on potlucks because I don't really know what's in the things that people make and whether or not I'm allergic, but I did get some turkey and rice and jello and a roll.
Monday night I finally sat down and looked at the study guide for my college assessment test. I promptly freaked out and had all sorts of anxiety, pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows and wanting to eat everything in sight. People. Math is just never going to be my friend. Don't ask me to do geometry or trig..It's just not going to happen.
Tuesday night I did my Final Presentation in my Early Childhood Education class. Well actually I had to do 2 presentations haha..but the little one I wasn't too worried about. The lesson I learned was that I need to follow up when I send something to the Teacher to print. Needless to say our songs are going to be passed out next week...;) Now I just have to finish up my songbook to turn in next week and I am officially done with my first quarter as a college student!
Which leads me to today: My dreaded COMPASS test, haha...I mean lets be real here...I graduated in 1999. So that means I really haven't done math since oh 1997? No seriously. I barely got through Algebra. And probably with a C or something..I mean I really don't remember. But somewhere along the road of life, I dumped math out and put music in. I mean that's what everyone does right? So this pretest stuff had me so worried..I slept like crap last night..But made it to my test and even got it! (I was a walk in, so people had to not show up for me to do the test). Needless to say I came out of the test with a college level in Reading and Writing. And I got into Math 84. Which is not college level ;) But the Math class that I needed to make it into. Luckily I have friends that are good at math..and we will probably be setting up some tutoring dates in the near future when I get into my Math class...I'm hoping it will be offered over the summer...that would be a good time while I'm not working to be able to do that...anyways..I'm so glad it's over with and now I can get registered for some more ECE classes...after I fill out my FASFA again and get some financial aid! Cause I can't pay for college myself! Haha!!
I'm still hovering right around the same weight..I'm suspecting it's the sodium and milk. I got pretty busy last week and only got one workout in. And this week, well I'm just not going to be doing any workouts in the pool...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I'm super glad the pool is back up and I will be in class for sure on Monday night...not so sure about Saturday.
I do know that Thanksgiving is not super tempting for me..Never really has been. Let's see..I will eat turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and some jello. Well I did buy a dulche de leche cheesecake thing to make..That just might put me over the edge! Haha..but I've never been into all the sides and stuff..I don't even like gravy! I'm not a big overeater on Thanksgiving..I don't even like pumpkin pie! And I'm not big on fruit pies either. And once the peanut butter and chocolate went away, well what do you know...Christmas is another story however...I will devour those almond bark covered pretzels like nobody's business..
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
Let's see. I got up early on Saturday and got all ready for my water aerobics class and got to the gym for them to tell me that the pool had flooded and classes had been cancelled until they got it fixed. Of course I got lots of good ribbing...um how does a pool flood? But I'm still proud of the fact that I got myself up and got to the gym..whether or not I got a workout in. And no I didn't have any other workout gear with me...I was in my swimsuit and flip flops...so I went home and showered and got on with my busy day ;) I mean I wasn't too horribly mad. I'm just getting myself into the routine of actually getting up and getting myself there...and I think it will all fall into place. I had to pretend to study for my test that I took this morning.
Sunday we had a Thanksgiving meal with our church after service..That's always fun :) I'm not to keen on potlucks because I don't really know what's in the things that people make and whether or not I'm allergic, but I did get some turkey and rice and jello and a roll.
Monday night I finally sat down and looked at the study guide for my college assessment test. I promptly freaked out and had all sorts of anxiety, pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows and wanting to eat everything in sight. People. Math is just never going to be my friend. Don't ask me to do geometry or trig..It's just not going to happen.
Tuesday night I did my Final Presentation in my Early Childhood Education class. Well actually I had to do 2 presentations haha..but the little one I wasn't too worried about. The lesson I learned was that I need to follow up when I send something to the Teacher to print. Needless to say our songs are going to be passed out next week...;) Now I just have to finish up my songbook to turn in next week and I am officially done with my first quarter as a college student!
Which leads me to today: My dreaded COMPASS test, haha...I mean lets be real here...I graduated in 1999. So that means I really haven't done math since oh 1997? No seriously. I barely got through Algebra. And probably with a C or something..I mean I really don't remember. But somewhere along the road of life, I dumped math out and put music in. I mean that's what everyone does right? So this pretest stuff had me so worried..I slept like crap last night..But made it to my test and even got it! (I was a walk in, so people had to not show up for me to do the test). Needless to say I came out of the test with a college level in Reading and Writing. And I got into Math 84. Which is not college level ;) But the Math class that I needed to make it into. Luckily I have friends that are good at math..and we will probably be setting up some tutoring dates in the near future when I get into my Math class...I'm hoping it will be offered over the summer...that would be a good time while I'm not working to be able to do that...anyways..I'm so glad it's over with and now I can get registered for some more ECE classes...after I fill out my FASFA again and get some financial aid! Cause I can't pay for college myself! Haha!!
I'm still hovering right around the same weight..I'm suspecting it's the sodium and milk. I got pretty busy last week and only got one workout in. And this week, well I'm just not going to be doing any workouts in the pool...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I'm super glad the pool is back up and I will be in class for sure on Monday night...not so sure about Saturday.
I do know that Thanksgiving is not super tempting for me..Never really has been. Let's see..I will eat turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, and some jello. Well I did buy a dulche de leche cheesecake thing to make..That just might put me over the edge! Haha..but I've never been into all the sides and stuff..I don't even like gravy! I'm not a big overeater on Thanksgiving..I don't even like pumpkin pie! And I'm not big on fruit pies either. And once the peanut butter and chocolate went away, well what do you know...Christmas is another story however...I will devour those almond bark covered pretzels like nobody's business..
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 100
Wow. 100 weeks makes it seem so long. I feel like I've been doing this for a long time. Haha..But then again I have. Almost two years. Scary to think that I am back to my highest weight again after two years. It makes me want to get all sad and melancholy just thinking about it. But I'm not going to. :0)
I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.
But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.
And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.
But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.
I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.
I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird. But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish) people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)
The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...
So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.
But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...
I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.
But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.
And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.
But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.
I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.
I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird. But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish) people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)
The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...
So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.
But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 99
Wow...I've been at this for 99 weeks. Scary LOL! I wish I could say I've made my goal and all that jazz..but I haven't. It's a learning process for sure.
In great news! I made it to a water aerobics class finally. I learned that I don't want to eat dinner beforehand however. It's called Water cardio and it lives up to its name. I also learned I need to scoot down and not be in the shallow shallow end. It still hurt my knee some..so I got some tips from the instructor. Somehow telling the instructor and all the other people there that it's my plan to come every Monday night should help me get there right? Right. But I was secretly excited. She came by to show me how to do stuff and I had caught on pretty quick. She kept telling me I was a pro for it being my first time. I guess most new first timers struggle a bit. But I literally just jumped on in. And I was definitely sore from it yesterday. My goal is to be there Mondays and probably Saturday mornings. Who knew Saturdays had mornings right? ;0) Haha...But I joined the gym to be able to use the pool. And that's what I plan on doing. Speaking of that. I am going to sit down this week and make up a workout plan for the next 90 days. I will take a picture and post it before next week so you can see it. See now I have told you, and you will keep me accountable to that too :0)
In not great news I gained 1.2 pounds back. Not surprised with the way my tummy has been feeling lately...I think I'm a little ahem backed up. Makes all the difference in the world ;) Sad. but true.
This week has been an odd work week. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday I only worked half day. Tomorrow I work a half day and I'm taking Friday off. It was supposed to be our conference week, however my teacher has just gotten off jury duty. So now we have 19 conferences to reschedule, and not a whole lot of work to be done this week. But after the craziness of last week it was nice this week to have a break. I can't complain too much. I mean we do have Thanksgiving and Christmas Break coming up soon. I only work 15 days in December. Then we get two weeks off. So we really don't have a lot of time with the kids in the next 6 weeks. We only have 6 more days with them in November. SO yeah.. 21 days with the kids for the rest of the year. CRAZY! This year has gone by so so fast. Rather scary.
In great news! I made it to a water aerobics class finally. I learned that I don't want to eat dinner beforehand however. It's called Water cardio and it lives up to its name. I also learned I need to scoot down and not be in the shallow shallow end. It still hurt my knee some..so I got some tips from the instructor. Somehow telling the instructor and all the other people there that it's my plan to come every Monday night should help me get there right? Right. But I was secretly excited. She came by to show me how to do stuff and I had caught on pretty quick. She kept telling me I was a pro for it being my first time. I guess most new first timers struggle a bit. But I literally just jumped on in. And I was definitely sore from it yesterday. My goal is to be there Mondays and probably Saturday mornings. Who knew Saturdays had mornings right? ;0) Haha...But I joined the gym to be able to use the pool. And that's what I plan on doing. Speaking of that. I am going to sit down this week and make up a workout plan for the next 90 days. I will take a picture and post it before next week so you can see it. See now I have told you, and you will keep me accountable to that too :0)
In not great news I gained 1.2 pounds back. Not surprised with the way my tummy has been feeling lately...I think I'm a little ahem backed up. Makes all the difference in the world ;) Sad. but true.
This week has been an odd work week. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday I only worked half day. Tomorrow I work a half day and I'm taking Friday off. It was supposed to be our conference week, however my teacher has just gotten off jury duty. So now we have 19 conferences to reschedule, and not a whole lot of work to be done this week. But after the craziness of last week it was nice this week to have a break. I can't complain too much. I mean we do have Thanksgiving and Christmas Break coming up soon. I only work 15 days in December. Then we get two weeks off. So we really don't have a lot of time with the kids in the next 6 weeks. We only have 6 more days with them in November. SO yeah.. 21 days with the kids for the rest of the year. CRAZY! This year has gone by so so fast. Rather scary.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 96
But for me? I'm back to bed. I never did nap today so I'm ready to actually go back to sleep...and hopefully this time my brain will shut off enough and let me do it!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in Week 93
Well, I made it!
And my hunch was correct. I didn't lose anything this summer. In fact I gained about 4 pounds. I'm just glad that it was only 4 pounds. It does however put me back to only 3 pounds from my highest weight :( That's a little on the discouraging side. On the non discouraging side I am excited that I was able to break free from the scale for a while. I mean really I know I would have spiraled more had I noticed that I was gaining weight. But then again when I was doing so well working out in August I wonder if I did lose weight and that might have helped spur me on if I had seen the number dropping.
So here we go round the mullbury bush again. It's October now. And I would still like to set a weight loss goal for before my birthday in January. But first my goal is to kick my two coffees a day back to one, except maybe once or twice a week. And to get to the gym to join! That's my goal. I am definitely ready to get in the pool for some laps and to learn about the new gym I am going to sign up for.
Ignore the gross toes. I'm trying to work on that, and covering them up with toenail polish isn't doing them any good. Now that it's sock season no one has to see my gross toes. I'm hoping that I will get them cleared up by next summer!!
And my hunch was correct. I didn't lose anything this summer. In fact I gained about 4 pounds. I'm just glad that it was only 4 pounds. It does however put me back to only 3 pounds from my highest weight :( That's a little on the discouraging side. On the non discouraging side I am excited that I was able to break free from the scale for a while. I mean really I know I would have spiraled more had I noticed that I was gaining weight. But then again when I was doing so well working out in August I wonder if I did lose weight and that might have helped spur me on if I had seen the number dropping.
So here we go round the mullbury bush again. It's October now. And I would still like to set a weight loss goal for before my birthday in January. But first my goal is to kick my two coffees a day back to one, except maybe once or twice a week. And to get to the gym to join! That's my goal. I am definitely ready to get in the pool for some laps and to learn about the new gym I am going to sign up for.
Ignore the gross toes. I'm trying to work on that, and covering them up with toenail polish isn't doing them any good. Now that it's sock season no one has to see my gross toes. I'm hoping that I will get them cleared up by next summer!!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in week 91 snd 92
No excuse.
Oh well. So I didn't come up with any recipes. And honestly not weighing myself has really thrown off my wednesday posts. But next week I will be having a weigh in! My no scale summer ends on Monday. And then I will be resuming my weekly weigh ins. I'm actually pretty dang proud of myself. I really only "weighed" myself once this summer. And that was while I was at the beach on a scale at the museum telling you what you weighed on all the planets. So I mean I really didn't look too long and hard at it. But what I can say is that I don't feel like I have lost anything. I'm still in the same size of clothes and nothing feels different. So it's a double edged experience. Yeah for not being addicted to the scale. Boo for not feeling like I lost anything. But I will find out for sure on MONDAY when I weigh myself. I am pretty proud of myself for not weighing in. There were a few times this summer that I actually wanted to. But I held off. And I mean it's not like I hid my scale or anything. It's in the same spot in my room that it always is. And I haven't gotten on my sister's scale, which is just out in her bathroom when I have been taking care of her dogs while she has been gone. I just simply haven't done it. It's a bit of a self discipline lesson. I mean. Once I set my mind to some things I can be as stubborn as can be. I haven't quite figured that out with food though. I cave. All. the. time.
I'm toying with the idea of joining a gym. Me who hasn't worked out in weeks. Haha..But it's really only 21.00 a month. And get this...it has a pool and a hot tub! Um. Why wouldn't I do that? Especially for that cheap a month. I would be ok with only going 3 times a week for that price. It's not bad at all. It's a little further away, but it has a water aerobics class I can do one evening a week, and then I can do weights and stuff. I think both of my coworkers are going to join too, so it will be kind of fun :0) I'm a little excited at the thought of going back to a gym. Especially with a pool and hot tub!
And I officially started my first college class ever last night. Yeah I'm a late starter considering I'm 32 and everything..but I needed it for my job, so it's a continuing education of sorts. I'm taking an Early Childhood Education class. Music and Movement. I'm basically going to use it to see if I want to go back for the whole degree...It's gonna be interesting!
Oh and Stephanie :-) if you see this. I decided to join you in the redhead movement ;)
Oh well. So I didn't come up with any recipes. And honestly not weighing myself has really thrown off my wednesday posts. But next week I will be having a weigh in! My no scale summer ends on Monday. And then I will be resuming my weekly weigh ins. I'm actually pretty dang proud of myself. I really only "weighed" myself once this summer. And that was while I was at the beach on a scale at the museum telling you what you weighed on all the planets. So I mean I really didn't look too long and hard at it. But what I can say is that I don't feel like I have lost anything. I'm still in the same size of clothes and nothing feels different. So it's a double edged experience. Yeah for not being addicted to the scale. Boo for not feeling like I lost anything. But I will find out for sure on MONDAY when I weigh myself. I am pretty proud of myself for not weighing in. There were a few times this summer that I actually wanted to. But I held off. And I mean it's not like I hid my scale or anything. It's in the same spot in my room that it always is. And I haven't gotten on my sister's scale, which is just out in her bathroom when I have been taking care of her dogs while she has been gone. I just simply haven't done it. It's a bit of a self discipline lesson. I mean. Once I set my mind to some things I can be as stubborn as can be. I haven't quite figured that out with food though. I cave. All. the. time.
I'm toying with the idea of joining a gym. Me who hasn't worked out in weeks. Haha..But it's really only 21.00 a month. And get this...it has a pool and a hot tub! Um. Why wouldn't I do that? Especially for that cheap a month. I would be ok with only going 3 times a week for that price. It's not bad at all. It's a little further away, but it has a water aerobics class I can do one evening a week, and then I can do weights and stuff. I think both of my coworkers are going to join too, so it will be kind of fun :0) I'm a little excited at the thought of going back to a gym. Especially with a pool and hot tub!
And I officially started my first college class ever last night. Yeah I'm a late starter considering I'm 32 and everything..but I needed it for my job, so it's a continuing education of sorts. I'm taking an Early Childhood Education class. Music and Movement. I'm basically going to use it to see if I want to go back for the whole degree...It's gonna be interesting!
Oh and Stephanie :-) if you see this. I decided to join you in the redhead movement ;)
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Wednesday weigh in Week 89 and 90
Yeah I'm a slacker.
Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.
Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.
And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.
It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.
So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.
I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?
You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.
But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.
So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.
So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.
But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.
But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.
It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?
Not really. But it's been super crazy busy the last couple of weeks and as I was falling into bed last Wednesday I realized I hadn't posted anything..So yeah.
Oddly enough I have been really wanting to weigh myself lately. And the stupidest thing is I know that I have gained weight. I can just feel it. I did so super great on those 3 weeks working out in August, and then it all fell apart in the last week and I haven't worked out much at all.
And right now its that time of the month, so I most certainly will not be getting on a scale.
It's kind of frustrating. I feel very much like I have failed again. By all means I should have lost weight during August. But my clothes are all the same. I don't feel lighter. I feel heavier. I tried on pants that were a size smaller than what I have been wearing. They didn't fit. I don't understand why I didn't lose anything.
So the only reason that I can come up with is food. I'm not gonna lie. I sneak food every now and again. But I certainly don't think it was enough to trainwreck 3 solid weeks of working out. So either I really need to make an appointment and go see a doctor about getting my thyroid checked, or there is something that I am eating (um hello dairy) that is keeping me bloated and unable to lose weight.
I feel like the last two weeks that my body has just been falling apart. My knee has been killing me. Randomly twinging just to make me catch my breath and almost fall over. My bones just ache. Random bones. Like right this very minute my arm between my wrist and my elbow just aches. Like a dull ache. And it just hurts to stand sometimes. And I have to think about it. Well duh. I'm really only 10 pounds away from my heaviest weight again. This all makes sense. It reminds me of what my body was like before I started losing weight. And then I really have to stop and think, well. Is this really dairy affecting me that bad? Is that the only reason that my body is like this?
You hear it all the time. Weight loss is more food related than workout related. And I seriously have always thought that if I would just work out that I would lose the weight. And honestly I really don't think I could have been overeating that much. Unless I seriously have no idea what is in my food.
But last night I was making dinner. And looked down into the pain. I was allergic to every thing in the pan. And I was making it to eat it. Why oh why does my body crave every thing I can't eat? I'm so terribly picky. I have such a hard time eating anyway. And now I have to seriously cut out 50-80 percent of my diet? I honestly don't know what to eat. And I honestly don't know how I will pay for it. I'm just tired of food in general. I don't have any desire to eat food. But I know I have to.
So in two weeks I can get on the scale again. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable summer not beating myself over the number on the scale. Luckily I'm not too attached to it. But I miss the routine of weighing myself. I wonder if I would have quit working out earlier than the 3 weeks if I had weighed myself and noticed I wasn't losing anything. I wonder if I wouldn't have made it to a 75 second plank. I know my body is capable of incredible things. It's just my mind that sabotages the majority of it.
So my goal this week is to find some new recipes that are dairy free. And to be serious about cutting back on the beef again. I have slacked on that one too. That allergy isn't a huge one..But I can tell the difference between when I only have it twice a week and when I overdo it. And that dang garlic is just so hard. I'm just learning to stay away from fresh garlic. Dried I can manage a little bit more. But the fresh stuff will get me instantly.
But it's mainly my beloved dairy. I'm really quite over the milk. The only thing I miss it is in my coffee. But cheese. And cream cheese. and cottage cheese. and cream of chicken soup. And ICE CREAM. To think of not ever eating that again just makes me instantly depressed.
But I suppose somewhere down the line it will just click. After not having it I would hope my body would just one day realign itself and I won't crave it anymore. Because let me tell you. My body was so not so happy with me after last night's dinner. Oh. Boy.
It's back around the mountain once more. But what else is new?
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 83
Oh hey, looks it's WEDNESDAY and I am posting! Haha. I will have to set a reminder or something for the summer to remember to post, since I'm not weighing in.
I guess I don't really have too much to report since I only posted on Monday. I'm still plugging away with my squat challenge. I'm getting super excited about almost finishing this. Haha. And today ended up being a rest day, so I didn't have to wake up to do any squats. Tomorrow, however, I have to do 175. And really that's technically over 200 because of the double squatting! LOL! And I really prefer just to do them in the morning and my yoga, simply so they are out of the way. I had waiting on Monday to do them when we got back from the beach and it was almost 10 at night before I finished with everything. Geesh. I'm not planning on doing that again. Done, out of the way and showered. That's how I prefer to do them!
I think I'm getting antsy about not weighing in however. I reallly wanted to weigh in this morning, and that's kind of weird. Haha. I guess cheating at the beach was a bad thing. Although with the way I've been eating, I don't really want to know the last couple of days. But then again, I kind of do.
I went shopping for some shirts yesterday and came home empty handed. I didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't completely in love with the shirt. Which I suppose is good for me? I mean yeah, I'm trying to watch my money, but it's so dang hot right now, that I am looking for some more tanks and I'm not finding them. And I fall back into the mentality of 'but I am going to lose weight and I won't even be using this shirt next year.' So I walked away. I wasn't entirely happy with the shirts that I could have gotten and I didn't want to go up any bigger in size. I ended up getting some bras that were the same size even though I should have gone up a band size, but they didn't have any. So um any waist whittling exercises that work quickly anyone? Haha.
I'm thinking for August that I'm going to come up with my own challenge. I really liked the idea of having a workout set up and just doing it. And that the squat thing was so simple. So I'm gonna go explore pinterest a bit and see if I can come up with something to do. Something that incorporates more working out, and not just squats ;) Although I am surprised that I don't actually mind them. Of course the ones with the kicks I kind of mind haha. But only cause I have to do more. And I will see what comes of 200 squats every time would do. I mean it takes me about 20 minutes to do them without an additional workout. Oy. I can see how people easily can do 2 hour workouts LOL. I just have to find a way to do it and do it in the heat. Maybe I will have to do an am/pm kind of thing. I will have to see.
So I guess I'm off to figure something out :0)
I guess I don't really have too much to report since I only posted on Monday. I'm still plugging away with my squat challenge. I'm getting super excited about almost finishing this. Haha. And today ended up being a rest day, so I didn't have to wake up to do any squats. Tomorrow, however, I have to do 175. And really that's technically over 200 because of the double squatting! LOL! And I really prefer just to do them in the morning and my yoga, simply so they are out of the way. I had waiting on Monday to do them when we got back from the beach and it was almost 10 at night before I finished with everything. Geesh. I'm not planning on doing that again. Done, out of the way and showered. That's how I prefer to do them!
I think I'm getting antsy about not weighing in however. I reallly wanted to weigh in this morning, and that's kind of weird. Haha. I guess cheating at the beach was a bad thing. Although with the way I've been eating, I don't really want to know the last couple of days. But then again, I kind of do.
I went shopping for some shirts yesterday and came home empty handed. I didn't want to spend the money if I wasn't completely in love with the shirt. Which I suppose is good for me? I mean yeah, I'm trying to watch my money, but it's so dang hot right now, that I am looking for some more tanks and I'm not finding them. And I fall back into the mentality of 'but I am going to lose weight and I won't even be using this shirt next year.' So I walked away. I wasn't entirely happy with the shirts that I could have gotten and I didn't want to go up any bigger in size. I ended up getting some bras that were the same size even though I should have gone up a band size, but they didn't have any. So um any waist whittling exercises that work quickly anyone? Haha.
I'm thinking for August that I'm going to come up with my own challenge. I really liked the idea of having a workout set up and just doing it. And that the squat thing was so simple. So I'm gonna go explore pinterest a bit and see if I can come up with something to do. Something that incorporates more working out, and not just squats ;) Although I am surprised that I don't actually mind them. Of course the ones with the kicks I kind of mind haha. But only cause I have to do more. And I will see what comes of 200 squats every time would do. I mean it takes me about 20 minutes to do them without an additional workout. Oy. I can see how people easily can do 2 hour workouts LOL. I just have to find a way to do it and do it in the heat. Maybe I will have to do an am/pm kind of thing. I will have to see.
So I guess I'm off to figure something out :0)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 40
eeh. .6 pounds up today. I'm gonna be pretty honest. It's that time of the month for me as a girl. It's always a fun one when it comes on weigh in day. Not. Or the fact that I ate a box of girl scout cookies in two days. Or the coffee I'm having. Or maybe the ice cream. Yeah. I'm not really good at discipline right now. And I am starting to see the toll. Like the mini emotional breakdowns in my closet because I got rid of all my "bigger" clothes and now since I've been gaining weight again none of my clothes fit. It makes me wonder sometimes where the mutilate your own body by shoving massive amounts of food in it came in to play. Like who thinks of these things? How did it come to be? And how in the world did it start to become my pattern? Why did food become my turn to instead of God? I have never ever been one of the kind to starve myself or make myself throw up. But I can shove it down like no one's business. Which is quite frightening to think of after watching a Dr Oz show on binge eating. And how to stomach grew and they showed an x-ray of it. I freaked out. But it didn't quite stop me from eating. Although. I don't know if I would actually put me in the category of binge eating. I don't know. I usually don't sit and eat large quantities at one time. It's more like just eating all throughout the day. So it's kind of weird.
Honestly life is kind of hard right now. I've got my Mom recovering from surgery. I don't know if I've been the greatest help around this time, but I'm doing what I can. And I have to face the truth of the fact that I have another family member dying. The cancer has returned. The end is inevitable. I haven't had to face this road since 8 years ago when my Dad passed away from cancer. And you know what. I'm not looking forward to it. And food, like always is once again my coping mechanism. My I don't want to deal with this right now, so I'm going to just eat whatever the crap I want to to numb myself and make all the pain go away.
And the hardest part is knowing what I need to do and then simply not doing it. I know I need to make "me" time. The time where I tell everyone no and go do my working out. But I can only handle a dirty kitchen for so long, and there are times where I just have to cook dinner, and well there you go again. Yo yo up..yo you down.
So there's the ugly part of weigh loss. The part where it's not even happening. The part where I'm really just trying to make it through the day. And if that includes two lunches. Or 2 coffees a day it might happen. But eventually I have to get it back to an hour-long workout, a sense of accomplishment and about more 100 pounds gone.
And that's the balance I haven't been able to find yet.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 39
Back in the yo-yo again. 2.2 pound gain this week. I obviously have no shame. I still come on every Wednesday to post my gain when it should be a loss. That's not motivating me enough now is it. Right now it kind of feels like I'm just pretending at this game. I'm really sitting on the sidelines waiting for a turn to get put back in. The hardest part is starting over. Again and again.
Yo-yo up...yo-yo down...
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