Now that the obligatory Star Wars joke is out of the way....
At church today we continued on with the bake sale and I came home with another 76 dollars. I'm actually quite shocked that my little church was that generous with their money when they had no idea I was doing a bake sale :) Bad planning on my part but it worked. I need about 400 more dollars for my trip this summer. I am sooooo close :0) There are other things I need to...like my car to get fixed..but I know that will come...
It's been a really hard season. I really thought that I was coming out of all the crap..but no..it just changes. Work has just had an added stress. And I've gotten in the mentality of just being done. I literally have so little time left there..One calendar month from today is my kid's last day at school. And then a couple days later will be my official last day at the school. I've worked at the same school since April of 2010. And I've been very spoiled there. I tell you what..one of the perks of working at the school district is the schedule. Where else do you get winter break, spring break, and all summer off? It's going to be a big mental change of going back to work year round. I have LOVED having the school schedule. But I know its time for a change. California's laws are different when it comes to working with kids..and I don't have all the necessary college credits it takes to be able to work in childcare down there..so it's forcing me to change really..
And I'm just getting ansty...I'm ready to pack up my life and start moving on...It's so hard to live in the now and the present..and yet still figure out how to get to where I want to be down there. It's the tightrope walk..and I just don't feel like I'm doing so hot at it right now..
And so I plod on...hi ho hi ho..it's back to work I go :)
Showing posts with label comfort food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comfort food. Show all posts
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Dreaming
Well 3 days in and I've already missed a day..haha..I was busy baking last night for my bake sale today.
So this School of Worship that I was accepted for in California costs a lot of money. It's $775.00 tuition for two weeks..and then you need a place to stay. And then you need gas to drive there...and then well, you need to eat. So it's well over $1200.00 for me to go. And to come up with in a short amount of time..yikes. So today I did a fundraiser...my friend sells Paparazzi jewelry. And she had mentioned doing a fundraiser for me to help raise money. So I on a whim decided to throw a bake sale in. Bake sales are a gift from God really. I got to bake. And then sell it. :0) And make money. So all in all today I raised 100.00 towards my trip. That was with what she donated, and money from the bake sale, and then just whatever people donated. So I felt pretty encouraged when I counted it out after we were done. But there was enough bake sale stuff left over that we left it at the church and are going to sell it tomorrow :0) Yummmy!
That's what I've been up to the last couple of days. My tuition is due June 1st. So I'm getting pretty antsy...but it's so close...I can't wait for July!
Redding here I come :0)
So this School of Worship that I was accepted for in California costs a lot of money. It's $775.00 tuition for two weeks..and then you need a place to stay. And then you need gas to drive there...and then well, you need to eat. So it's well over $1200.00 for me to go. And to come up with in a short amount of time..yikes. So today I did a fundraiser...my friend sells Paparazzi jewelry. And she had mentioned doing a fundraiser for me to help raise money. So I on a whim decided to throw a bake sale in. Bake sales are a gift from God really. I got to bake. And then sell it. :0) And make money. So all in all today I raised 100.00 towards my trip. That was with what she donated, and money from the bake sale, and then just whatever people donated. So I felt pretty encouraged when I counted it out after we were done. But there was enough bake sale stuff left over that we left it at the church and are going to sell it tomorrow :0) Yummmy!
That's what I've been up to the last couple of days. My tuition is due June 1st. So I'm getting pretty antsy...but it's so close...I can't wait for July!
Redding here I come :0)
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in week 102
Boy I am ready for a new week haha! I think it comes with not actually working a whole lot during the month of November..and then going to 3 straight weeks of kids every day. It's a little tiring. Then you throw in life and school and church and all that. Let's just say I stayed in bed until 6:30 this am and that's reaaaaaaallly pushing it. I was so warm and cozy in my bed however. I looked at my phone and I'm just not a big fan of this 10 degrees and feels like 2. We finally had indoor recess today. Simply because even at 25 degrees it's no fun for a preschooler to go outside. So we did indoor stuff.
Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.
Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)
Not gonna lie..the first couple times I weighed myself today I didn't want to take a picture. But I finally got it to say 247.8 haha...twice. So that's what I'm going with. Some day my brain will register that I want to be skinny more than I want coffee. Or sodium. Yep. That's what I'm gonna go with.
Other than that I don't have too much to report this week. I'm super busy, so I'm super tired. I'm gonna take some melatonin and go to bed early tonight...something I keep saying I'm going to do and then don't actually do...But it's a goal...I'm going to be in bed very very soon :0)
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 100
Wow. 100 weeks makes it seem so long. I feel like I've been doing this for a long time. Haha..But then again I have. Almost two years. Scary to think that I am back to my highest weight again after two years. It makes me want to get all sad and melancholy just thinking about it. But I'm not going to. :0)
I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.
But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.
And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.
But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.
I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.
I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird. But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish) people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)
The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...
So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.
But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...
I just have to say. I am really loving my Aqua Cardio class. AKA Water Aerobics. Yes..You can sweat in the swimming pool. But after coming to class 3 times, the instructor has told me that she is really impressed with how well I am doing and keeping up. I seriously haven't taken any type of water aerobics class in about 10 years. And some of the moves I still struggle with, but I will get them figured out. And the people in the class are really nice and friendly. Ok. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm the youngest one in the class...and it's fun being in with all the older crowd. And there are all types of people there. From skinny to ultra obese. From the teenager to the woman who literally brought her motorized wheelchair scooter thing into the pool area and parked it and got into the water. You know the thought never really crossed my mind that there would be a ton of obese people in the class. But there is. And yes I'm one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm classified as morbidly obese. I mean I need to lose 116 pound just to be at the very top end of the "normal" BMI range. I'm only 5'1 and I weight 248 pounds. Sometimes I really don't know how I function. But I do. And my goal really is to be around 115 pounds. It's always just been the number in my head. I mean probably somewhere between 115-118 probably...but still that means I need to lose almost 135 pounds. That's an entire person you know? I have 90 pounds to lose before I'm not even obese anymore. That's the real kicker. I have to lose almost 100 pounds before I'm not obese.
But I can't wait for that day. I dream about that day. Look forward to that day.
And then I sleep in. And only go the gym twice a week. (Hey THAT'S even an improvement!) And I drink milk in my coffee, and eat macaroni and cheese. And frosted sugar cookies from Heaven, or Hell depending on which way you look at it. ;) And mostly it's out of convenience. Trying to prepare healthy food is hard. And timely. And I really just got tired of eating lettuce and brown rice every day you know? So I'm still learning the balance of it all.
But I was super proud of myself on Monday. Not only did I go work all day, I then went straight to the college to meet with my Adviser to come up with a plan for me finally going to college. (yep 32, first time college student...hello!) I got in my car at 5:45 after my meeting...Well Aqua Cardio starts at 6. And it was almost 15 minutes away. Well I had a choice to make right there...I could have chosen to go home. Eat dinner. Relax, work on homework. Or I could have busted my butt to get to the gym and get to the class that was the whole reason I signed up for the gym.
I chose to go to the gym.I told myself in the car as I was leaving. "I need to make this my habit, make it my routine." I pulled in the parking lot at 5:56 I think. See I hate being late for things. I changed like Superman and I was in the water at 6:02. She was just barely starting the warm up routine and I worked out super hard. The instructor even commented after that class that she could tell I was working hard cause my cheeks were going red. And I just get super focused. Haha...I'm kinda competitive with myself :0) But with water aerobics its really sink or swim (hahahahahahaha). You don't really have someone really explaining moves to you. You just have to watch and learn (which can be really hard underwater I might add). But so far the teacher and students have been really great to help me and I have enjoyed throwing myself out there and jumping into to a situation I normally wouldn't.
I hate doing group things alone. I hate being late.And I always used to think that I don't really talk to strangers. But I do. And it's kind of weird. But somehow I find myself in these situations where I'm by myself and I have to meet new people. But I guess you get over that in a swimsuit in a pool with 20-30ish other fat(ish) people trying to take care of themselves. It's like a small little family that I am learning to be a part of. Some people will come and go, but I hope to be one of the ones who stick around for a while. Because I really like that hot tub ;)
The only thing about the class that I don't like is that I am STARVING about half an hour to an hour after I am done. I am pretty much not eating until 8:00 for dinner, after I have some time in the hot tub and then shower and blow dry my hair and stuff..so by then I'm pretty hungry. Sad to say after my second class I was hiding my pop tarts in the locker room praying that no one would see me to judge me haha..Baby steps..baby steps people...
So that's my week 100 update. Did I think that this was going to be where I wanted to be? Oh heck no. I wanted to be at my goal weight right now...Looking good with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe by week 200 that will be the case.
But for now, I'm just gonna celebrate small things, like a swimming pool and a hot tub...
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Wednesday weigh in week 98
Wednesday: No Excuses!!
Thursday: Massive sore throat/headcold/fever and taking Nyquil and Sudafed for the next 6 straight days.
Well that pretty much sums up my week, along with TOM. Yep. Hows that for no excuses?!? Hahahaa. Life is funny guys..so funny. I managed to go to bed without the nyquil last night but I'm still stuffy and took sudafed once today. And to top that all off my co-worker was also sick and could either one of us take a day off? Oh no. You know why? Because our teacher is serving on a jury for the next two weeks. Well this week and next week. Meaning we don't get to take time off. Haha. Good thing next week is conferences and we don't have kids. This has been the longest. week. ever. One more day with kids and then we are done. Whew. Some weeks I don't know how I get by. Oh yes I do. Coffee. :0) I was halfway good this week and had soy most of the time. I have thrown some milk in there in my iced coffees.
All in all I managed to lose 1.8 pounds this week. I mean really I'm an expert at losing and gaining the same two pounds. I mean yeah. I'm feeling quite sassy right now haha..I should really just shut my mouth and go to bed.
Well Katie officially freaked me out today in her post. She mentioned there was 11 1/2 weeks until her birthday and she was thinking of doing her virtual 5k again. Well my birthday just happens to be 3 days after hers. So my birthday is in 12 weeks roughly from today. C-R-A-P. Please Jesus I don't want to turn 33 weighing over 200 pounds. But losing 47 pounds in 12 weeks. Is that realistic? Nope. I don't think I can really justify or figure out how to lose 4 pounds a week. That's just not healthy. I really need to do a lot of reflecting soon on why I eat the way I do and what to help combat that. I'm also going to come up with a plan for going to the gym. I told a friend who is thinking of doing p90x for the 90 day challenge that I would make up my own challenge and do a 90 day thing with her. My birthday is in 82 days from today. So I wouldn't even be done with a challenge by then. But it's going to be good to come up with something. Oh geez. That makes me want to do it right now haha..But right now I need to be getting my little self in bed. I have one more day with kids this week...I can do this haha!!
At any rate. I'm getting back in the game. Mentally and physically. One of these days I'm going to make it to the water aerobics class. Which is part of the whole reason that I signed up for the gym in the first place! Haha..gotta make it happen :0)
Thursday: Massive sore throat/headcold/fever and taking Nyquil and Sudafed for the next 6 straight days.
Well that pretty much sums up my week, along with TOM. Yep. Hows that for no excuses?!? Hahahaa. Life is funny guys..so funny. I managed to go to bed without the nyquil last night but I'm still stuffy and took sudafed once today. And to top that all off my co-worker was also sick and could either one of us take a day off? Oh no. You know why? Because our teacher is serving on a jury for the next two weeks. Well this week and next week. Meaning we don't get to take time off. Haha. Good thing next week is conferences and we don't have kids. This has been the longest. week. ever. One more day with kids and then we are done. Whew. Some weeks I don't know how I get by. Oh yes I do. Coffee. :0) I was halfway good this week and had soy most of the time. I have thrown some milk in there in my iced coffees.
All in all I managed to lose 1.8 pounds this week. I mean really I'm an expert at losing and gaining the same two pounds. I mean yeah. I'm feeling quite sassy right now haha..I should really just shut my mouth and go to bed.
Well Katie officially freaked me out today in her post. She mentioned there was 11 1/2 weeks until her birthday and she was thinking of doing her virtual 5k again. Well my birthday just happens to be 3 days after hers. So my birthday is in 12 weeks roughly from today. C-R-A-P. Please Jesus I don't want to turn 33 weighing over 200 pounds. But losing 47 pounds in 12 weeks. Is that realistic? Nope. I don't think I can really justify or figure out how to lose 4 pounds a week. That's just not healthy. I really need to do a lot of reflecting soon on why I eat the way I do and what to help combat that. I'm also going to come up with a plan for going to the gym. I told a friend who is thinking of doing p90x for the 90 day challenge that I would make up my own challenge and do a 90 day thing with her. My birthday is in 82 days from today. So I wouldn't even be done with a challenge by then. But it's going to be good to come up with something. Oh geez. That makes me want to do it right now haha..But right now I need to be getting my little self in bed. I have one more day with kids this week...I can do this haha!!
At any rate. I'm getting back in the game. Mentally and physically. One of these days I'm going to make it to the water aerobics class. Which is part of the whole reason that I signed up for the gym in the first place! Haha..gotta make it happen :0)
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in Week 94
I swear the week just tends to fly by. And before I know it it's Wednesday again. And I haven't done any sort of weight loss attempt at all ;) LOL!
I'm looking forward to making a routine for the gym. To have set nights or times and just go. And having pool time. Haha...Maybe I'm just weird like that. I'm more excited about having a gym with a pool than I am about working out on the machines. Although I am excited about the machines too. I need to go back and get an appointment made for someone to show me how to use all the machines in the gym. That way I know what I need to be doing for each of them and I don't avoid machines because I don't know what the do. Needless to say I'm a little bit excited. :)
We made some yummy chicken alfredo tonight. Yes. It's out of a box. And yes it has milk and cheese in it. Did I mention it was yummy? And cheap. And I wanted to try it? And it has Velveeta? Yah yah yah. All those things I shouldn't have. Such is life. Dairy is a hard hard thing to get rid of completely. But not as hard as garlic :(
Sorry it's super short, It's late and I reaaallly need to get to bed.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in Week 73
I'm just going to assume right now that my computer won't upload my picture like the last two weeks and just tell you what my weight was. I'm in complete and utter I don't care moments right now. I'm still going back and forth between two houses trying to box up yard sale stuff that didn't sell and get the rest of what we think we want to keep to the new house. I think quite literally for the last two weeks I have eaten out every day for lunch simply because I didn't have time to make lunches during the weekend. I am so extremely sick of fast food right now it's not even funny! Yet I have another super crazy weekend and I don't know if I will have the time or the energy to do it this weekend for the 3 days that I need a lunch next week. I already know one of the days we are going to lunch because we don't have kids that day. School is almost out. We have 8 days left with our kids. It's crazy to think that but we do. Well 9 days I guess. But tomorrow shouldn't count LOL!
239.4. I am exactly 1 pound away from where I started this blog in 2011. Ouch. And still I am in survival mode. I haven't switched out yet, and I'm not sure that I will before school gets out. I know this summer is going to be all about refocusing and getting myself back on track.
So I'm just hoping for the next 3 weeks that I can keep it under 240. That's the goal for right now anyway.
239.4. I am exactly 1 pound away from where I started this blog in 2011. Ouch. And still I am in survival mode. I haven't switched out yet, and I'm not sure that I will before school gets out. I know this summer is going to be all about refocusing and getting myself back on track.
So I'm just hoping for the next 3 weeks that I can keep it under 240. That's the goal for right now anyway.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Wednesday Weigh in Week 72
Oh. my. gosh. So I moved houses on Saturday (same area, different house) and we discovered when we went to turn the A/C on that it in fact did NOT turn on. So we have naturally been in a heat wave, I'm talking 90-95 degrees this week. Today I saw the thermostat reach 89 in my house. The landlady has had 2 people come out to give her quotes to tell her it is in fact dead Jim. :0) So I'm so hoping we get a new one by this weekend. It's supposed to be 97 on Saturday. oh. my gosh. Heat is not my friend. The poor boys have had such a hard time falling asleep. Tonight I put them to bed with an ice pack under their pillow cases. And the one on the top bunk is on the floor.
end rant.
So let's see if the picture posts this time, I'm at the same weight I was last week. Still high. But ok for now. I will be for sure figuring out how to start losing weight again. My knee is bothering me so badly right now. I know part of it is because of the weight. :( I wasn't supposed to gain all my weight back :(
The rest of this month is going to be crazy. We have to have a yard sale this weekend, and still get everything moved out of the house by the next weekend. So the weekend after that we can take a train to Portland to have some fun :0) And then the week after that school will be out and I will be in full force summer! Woo-hoo! I can't wait!
Nope. no picture. I wonder if I can edit it from my phone and add it. We will see.
end rant.
So let's see if the picture posts this time, I'm at the same weight I was last week. Still high. But ok for now. I will be for sure figuring out how to start losing weight again. My knee is bothering me so badly right now. I know part of it is because of the weight. :( I wasn't supposed to gain all my weight back :(
The rest of this month is going to be crazy. We have to have a yard sale this weekend, and still get everything moved out of the house by the next weekend. So the weekend after that we can take a train to Portland to have some fun :0) And then the week after that school will be out and I will be in full force summer! Woo-hoo! I can't wait!
Nope. no picture. I wonder if I can edit it from my phone and add it. We will see.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 53
Alrighty Steph. There ya go, Week 53 ;)
Well Christmas is over and done with. Man the day after Christmas sometimes seems like a major letdown! You have this giant build up to Christmas and deadlines and making sure all the presents are bought (or at my house made) and wrapped and food is made and then it happens. And then you wake up the day after Christmas. And you eat all your Christmas candy to "get rid of it" because January 1st is coming you know, and there is a New Year's resolution just waiting to be made and broken. I mean I literally have consumed way more amounts of sugar today than a person should. Well actually I have consumed way more in the past 3 days. No wonder I have a headache right now. This sugar coma is going to be a doozy to get rid of.
But I did manage to get up this morning and weigh myself before the boys got out of bed. I *only* gained .6 pounds last week. Which brings my year end total to 12 pounds.
12 pounds.
That's not exactly Finishing What I Start. But I am fully aware of my actions and I am not really making any excuses for them. I didn't workout like I should have and I didn't eat like I should have. And there you go. I didn't lose weight. Although ironically enough 12 pounds is 10% of what I really wanted to lose.
I did learn a lot about myself this year though.
I learned I do really good with deadlines and goals. I had a goal to lose weight by a friend's wedding in March and I did that. But once the wedding came and I "cheated" on my eating, I never did get back eating right the rest of the year. And once again, I will be losing weight for a wedding. Though I'm not in it, I am attending it ;) And that's still the same.
I learned that I am a HUGE stress eater. When I don't know how to control things and circumstances come up that there is nothing I can do about them, I will eat. And eat. And eat. I will eat to deal with things too. Food has always been my turn to comfort. It's always been there. Even in secret. I ate due to circumstances that were beyond my control and the food was the only thing I could control. It's like I punish myself with food. It seems like it would be a reward. But a lot of times it was just how much food can I shove in my mouth before I forget about my problems...
I learned that I am allergic to a lot of foods. Which is horrifying. Because it's all foods that I love. So all this food I love is hurting my body and I still continue to eat it. Because I can't seem to give it up. Well the peanuts I gave up immediately. I haven't had peanut butter anything since July of this year. That number was so off the charts scary I have no idea how I wasn't sick from it. But giving up milk, cheese, and ice cream and eggs is like a big sad thing. I have to learn how to say No and stick with it. And I just might see my body change.
BUT.
I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I started the Couch to 5k not once, but twice this year. The first time I did it all the way completely without missing a day. The second time I actually skipped the last two weeks almost and just got straight to running for 30 minutes. When I was really doing well I was running consistently 3 times a week. And that's good for me! Just changing and running right after work was a really good time for me. Except now. LOL. Now I get off work at 3:30 and it's getting dark by 4:15. Not enough time to get my runs in :/
I actually enjoy the plan I made for my Bloomsday training, I just need to get back to it and stick to it. (Which I will be doing as soon as I get my gym cleaned up. It turned into extra craft room this year and has sawdust all over it because we were cutting wood inside because it was too windy outside. Now there is a layer of sawdust everywhere :/)
I learned that Ikinda sorta like to run. It's definitely good me time. I have learned however that living in the desert it's hard to find a good time to run that I'm not running in 90+ weather. I had very good intentions over the summer, but I can't get up and go in the mornings when I have the boys and my mom is already at work. So we might have to work something out this summer. We will see. Spring and Fall running was amazing. Haven't made it out a whole lot this winter, but now that I have my new Garmin, I will be getting out there more. Nothing like a new toy to get you re-motivated. As well as signing up for Bloomsday. I gotta talk to my buddies and make sure it's still a go. I know none of us have been following the plan hardly at all. But there is still 5 months to go, and I know I will be ready by then :)
So the goal over the next few days is to not continue to beat myself up mentally over not completing my goal. I am lighter slightly than I was last year. And that's good. I just need some determination to stick around and the willpower to accomplish what I want to. January is the time of year where I get all hard core about this. And then I usually taper off about March. So the goal is to make it through to April :) And beyond. The magic number every month is 9 LOL! 9 pounds a month. Seems so easy peasy on paper. I just need it to be easy peasy in life. I will of course be coming up with some new goals. I know I am going to have to make eating goals and working out goals every month to make this work for the next year. But I am a goal maker for sure. I just need to be a goal finisher..
Finishing the goal. Finishing what I start. Still happening.
<3
Well Christmas is over and done with. Man the day after Christmas sometimes seems like a major letdown! You have this giant build up to Christmas and deadlines and making sure all the presents are bought (or at my house made) and wrapped and food is made and then it happens. And then you wake up the day after Christmas. And you eat all your Christmas candy to "get rid of it" because January 1st is coming you know, and there is a New Year's resolution just waiting to be made and broken. I mean I literally have consumed way more amounts of sugar today than a person should. Well actually I have consumed way more in the past 3 days. No wonder I have a headache right now. This sugar coma is going to be a doozy to get rid of.
12 pounds.
That's not exactly Finishing What I Start. But I am fully aware of my actions and I am not really making any excuses for them. I didn't workout like I should have and I didn't eat like I should have. And there you go. I didn't lose weight. Although ironically enough 12 pounds is 10% of what I really wanted to lose.
I did learn a lot about myself this year though.
I learned I do really good with deadlines and goals. I had a goal to lose weight by a friend's wedding in March and I did that. But once the wedding came and I "cheated" on my eating, I never did get back eating right the rest of the year. And once again, I will be losing weight for a wedding. Though I'm not in it, I am attending it ;) And that's still the same.
I learned that I am a HUGE stress eater. When I don't know how to control things and circumstances come up that there is nothing I can do about them, I will eat. And eat. And eat. I will eat to deal with things too. Food has always been my turn to comfort. It's always been there. Even in secret. I ate due to circumstances that were beyond my control and the food was the only thing I could control. It's like I punish myself with food. It seems like it would be a reward. But a lot of times it was just how much food can I shove in my mouth before I forget about my problems...
I learned that I am allergic to a lot of foods. Which is horrifying. Because it's all foods that I love. So all this food I love is hurting my body and I still continue to eat it. Because I can't seem to give it up. Well the peanuts I gave up immediately. I haven't had peanut butter anything since July of this year. That number was so off the charts scary I have no idea how I wasn't sick from it. But giving up milk, cheese, and ice cream and eggs is like a big sad thing. I have to learn how to say No and stick with it. And I just might see my body change.
BUT.
I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I started the Couch to 5k not once, but twice this year. The first time I did it all the way completely without missing a day. The second time I actually skipped the last two weeks almost and just got straight to running for 30 minutes. When I was really doing well I was running consistently 3 times a week. And that's good for me! Just changing and running right after work was a really good time for me. Except now. LOL. Now I get off work at 3:30 and it's getting dark by 4:15. Not enough time to get my runs in :/
I actually enjoy the plan I made for my Bloomsday training, I just need to get back to it and stick to it. (Which I will be doing as soon as I get my gym cleaned up. It turned into extra craft room this year and has sawdust all over it because we were cutting wood inside because it was too windy outside. Now there is a layer of sawdust everywhere :/)
I learned that I
So the goal over the next few days is to not continue to beat myself up mentally over not completing my goal. I am lighter slightly than I was last year. And that's good. I just need some determination to stick around and the willpower to accomplish what I want to. January is the time of year where I get all hard core about this. And then I usually taper off about March. So the goal is to make it through to April :) And beyond. The magic number every month is 9 LOL! 9 pounds a month. Seems so easy peasy on paper. I just need it to be easy peasy in life. I will of course be coming up with some new goals. I know I am going to have to make eating goals and working out goals every month to make this work for the next year. But I am a goal maker for sure. I just need to be a goal finisher..
Finishing the goal. Finishing what I start. Still happening.
<3
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Wednesday weigh in week 51
Woah. I can't believe that I have been doing this for almost an entire year! And I can't believe I have gained all about about 10 pounds of my weight back. This definitely wasn't how the story played out in my head in January when I was serious and started all of this. This was going to be my year, and I was finally going to do it! Flash forward to December. My mom has had surgery 3 times this year, and I have had 3 deaths in the family since October. Less than 2 months. Um yeah. I have learned this year that I definitely live by circumstances. I have periods of doing great. Especially when I have a goal! And then life throws me a curve ball, and well, Dairy Queen becomes my new BFF. The most I lost this year was 25 pounds. So 15 has crept back on. And boy can I feel it!
And I know the things I need to do. I need to quit drinking coffee. I need to quit eating dairy. I need to quit eating wheat. I know how my body feels when I don't have these things in me. Especially when I am allergic to them. It's just so. dang. hard. To all of the sudden throw out a food you have eaten your entire life. And the staples of your diet. I mean. I tell people all of the things I am allergic to and they ask me what the heck I eat. Um yeah. Not a whole lot. And then I sneak in the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And don't even get me started on exercise. Here's the thing. When I work out. I lose weight. When I don't work out? I don't lose weight. Plain and simple. Cut and dry. Well yeah. If I could just manage to stay away from all the foods that I'm allergic to, and work out 6 times a week, I would probably have it made :)
Oh speaking of running, since I really wasn't ;) I finally just jumped ahead again to week 8 of the Couch to 5k and ran for half an hour today. Well I really didn't jump ahead because it was the week I was scheduled to do it. But I haven't ran at all in the last 2 weeks. The last day I did was week 6 day 1. And today I decided since it wasn't raining, and I really needed to get back to my running, I would just go for it. And I am such a fashion crisis when I run. It's kinda just ridiculous. Blue ear warmers, red and green shirts, black pants and black gloves. Oh and a white passport belt around my waist because that's my poor girl's running belt. (I mean, I actually thought it was genius! I had a belt, and it will hold my key, phone, and other little things. And then it wasn't all in my pockets, which my capris didn't have).
But I did my 30 minute run. And the craziest thing came out of my mouth when I was done. "Well that was kinda easy!" uh yeah. Well the first mile was 19:09 and the second mile was 19:03. I apparently did really good on my breathing because I wasn't out of breath, and completely wheezing or anything like that. Either that or I just plan didn't work hard enough. But I did realize that when I run my virtual 5k for Katie's 31st birthday next month that I will have to pick up a little speed. I'm thinking I was stupid when I said I wanted to finish it in under 48 minutes I think. I'm pretty sure I forgot I was back up to a 19 minute mile and not an 17 minute one. Hmmm...How am I going to do it that fast? If I go the pace I ran today it will still take me almost an hour to run 3.1 miles.I definitely need to drop some pounds so my time will speed up :0)
I was expecting to be panting when I started my 5 minutes of cooling down..but nope. I was fine. I miss running. Of course we are getting into the cold part of winter. I don't have a treadmill. I can't afford a gym. So I am just heading outside. OH and my knee didn't hurt while I was running! That was nice. When I started my little training plan it kept twinging while I was running, and it didn't do that today. I was a happy girl.
Ok, I could just blab blab blab..so I am going to get my lunch ready for work tomorrow and head to bed. But here is my picture. of my gain. Next week will be different.
And I know the things I need to do. I need to quit drinking coffee. I need to quit eating dairy. I need to quit eating wheat. I know how my body feels when I don't have these things in me. Especially when I am allergic to them. It's just so. dang. hard. To all of the sudden throw out a food you have eaten your entire life. And the staples of your diet. I mean. I tell people all of the things I am allergic to and they ask me what the heck I eat. Um yeah. Not a whole lot. And then I sneak in the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And don't even get me started on exercise. Here's the thing. When I work out. I lose weight. When I don't work out? I don't lose weight. Plain and simple. Cut and dry. Well yeah. If I could just manage to stay away from all the foods that I'm allergic to, and work out 6 times a week, I would probably have it made :)
Oh speaking of running, since I really wasn't ;) I finally just jumped ahead again to week 8 of the Couch to 5k and ran for half an hour today. Well I really didn't jump ahead because it was the week I was scheduled to do it. But I haven't ran at all in the last 2 weeks. The last day I did was week 6 day 1. And today I decided since it wasn't raining, and I really needed to get back to my running, I would just go for it. And I am such a fashion crisis when I run. It's kinda just ridiculous. Blue ear warmers, red and green shirts, black pants and black gloves. Oh and a white passport belt around my waist because that's my poor girl's running belt. (I mean, I actually thought it was genius! I had a belt, and it will hold my key, phone, and other little things. And then it wasn't all in my pockets, which my capris didn't have).
But I did my 30 minute run. And the craziest thing came out of my mouth when I was done. "Well that was kinda easy!" uh yeah. Well the first mile was 19:09 and the second mile was 19:03. I apparently did really good on my breathing because I wasn't out of breath, and completely wheezing or anything like that. Either that or I just plan didn't work hard enough. But I did realize that when I run my virtual 5k for Katie's 31st birthday next month that I will have to pick up a little speed. I'm thinking I was stupid when I said I wanted to finish it in under 48 minutes I think. I'm pretty sure I forgot I was back up to a 19 minute mile and not an 17 minute one. Hmmm...How am I going to do it that fast? If I go the pace I ran today it will still take me almost an hour to run 3.1 miles.I definitely need to drop some pounds so my time will speed up :0)
I was expecting to be panting when I started my 5 minutes of cooling down..but nope. I was fine. I miss running. Of course we are getting into the cold part of winter. I don't have a treadmill. I can't afford a gym. So I am just heading outside. OH and my knee didn't hurt while I was running! That was nice. When I started my little training plan it kept twinging while I was running, and it didn't do that today. I was a happy girl.
Ok, I could just blab blab blab..so I am going to get my lunch ready for work tomorrow and head to bed. But here is my picture. of my gain. Next week will be different.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 47
Ever have one of those days where you wake up running and never quit. Yep. That was today. I got up late, second day in a row!!, and just kept on going. I was supposed to bake my Amish friendship bread today and about halfway through the day realized that that I didn't have enough flour. I confirmed that suspicion when I got home so I had to run to the library to copy the recipe and then to Winco to get some flour and to see what kind of pudding they had. Did the dumbest thing at the library. I was trying to copy real quick and didn't look to see which side the paper went on. So of course I copied nothing. Just a blank paper! Haha. I had to go back out to my car to get more change for it to recopy it. I ended up wasting .60 on it instead of .30. Oh well. And then joy of all joy's Winco had cheescake pudding. I used that in my bread mix, threw in some caramel bites that I had, put it in a 9x13 cake pan and had some yummy yummy bread/cake. Whatever you want to call it. I call it the not lose any weight bread. Next time I make it I am throwing in something chocolate so I can't eat it! It was that good tonight! Oh boy. So now it's 10 and I am ready to crash but I remembered I hadn't done my post yet. I mean of course my super busy day would be Wednesday!
So other than that fun part of the day this post will be super short today. I've already taken my melatonin and will be drifting off to sleep hopefully soon. The key is to stay asleep all night and not keep waking up in the middle of the night..
Lost less than a pound. Don't know what the deal with my body is right now. But I will get it figured out.
Now I just need my headache to hit the road and (almost) all will be better :0)
So other than that fun part of the day this post will be super short today. I've already taken my melatonin and will be drifting off to sleep hopefully soon. The key is to stay asleep all night and not keep waking up in the middle of the night..
Lost less than a pound. Don't know what the deal with my body is right now. But I will get it figured out.
Now I just need my headache to hit the road and (almost) all will be better :0)
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 43
Oh and that wonderful warm and fuzzy feeling of NyQuil is starting to kick in! :0) I have somehow managed to start getting whatever is going around. My mom and sister have both had this lovely sinus crap going around and that's kind of what I started feeling like last night. That's probably why I was really wanting some Hot Tamales at the store last night. That's one of the things that I want when I'm sick. Weird? Yes. But I think sometimes the hotness of them should make my throat feel better. In theory right? So I bailed on worship practice and I am posting and going to bed. It's not going to be too much longer before I am conked out. So I figured I better get on here and post!
I am still super busy right now, I think I could have had something every night this week if I wanted to. But really all I want to do is sleep :-) I knew I should have stayed home sick today. But I felt guilty that I had missed so much work in the last couple of weeks and I wasn't truly sick enough to stay home. So I toughed it out. I tried not to be too mean of a teacher today. I'm not sure how well I succeeded. On top of the two kids that threw up in our afternoon class. I was totally done by the end of school. And really it's only 7 and I am just about ready to crawl into bed. Too bad I can't actually sleep for 12 hours. But hopefully 9 or so before I wake up.
I'm excited to say I have a new goal. And irritated that I got sick right away. Itwisted talked my friend into doing Bloomsday again next year! It's a 12k race that we have done 3 times together, and I have done it 4. We ended up not doing it this year because we both weren't ready training wise, and then my mom ended up being just out of surgery the first time.So it wouldn't have worked out anyway. So We came up with a 28 week plan which freaked out another friend who is doing it with us ;) But part of the whole process is finishing the training as much as finishing the race. Since we have both done it. But the training for it is the harder thing to finish :) So come May of 2013 I will be again doing a 12k. And hopefully running some of it :)
Lost a pound this week. Tried to really cut back and avoid the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And lost a pound. Shows that avoiding things does work, sadly enough.
:0)
I am still super busy right now, I think I could have had something every night this week if I wanted to. But really all I want to do is sleep :-) I knew I should have stayed home sick today. But I felt guilty that I had missed so much work in the last couple of weeks and I wasn't truly sick enough to stay home. So I toughed it out. I tried not to be too mean of a teacher today. I'm not sure how well I succeeded. On top of the two kids that threw up in our afternoon class. I was totally done by the end of school. And really it's only 7 and I am just about ready to crawl into bed. Too bad I can't actually sleep for 12 hours. But hopefully 9 or so before I wake up.
I'm excited to say I have a new goal. And irritated that I got sick right away. I
Lost a pound this week. Tried to really cut back and avoid the foods that I shouldn't be eating. And lost a pound. Shows that avoiding things does work, sadly enough.
:0)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Up to my eyeballs
I have come to a realization that I don't want to post here unless I have positive things to say. Haha. And my life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses lately. So I think I have refrained from writing, because I don't want it sound like I feel like my life has been a bit of a mess. But it has, so I guess it's just time to quit thinking about that.
I have about had it up to my eyeballs this last week. With my mom having to go back to the doctor, to my grandpa passing away the same day, and then I had my sister in law in the emergency room TWICE with pain they couldn't figure out. Needless to say, I'm physically tired, emotionally tired and I'm ready for a break.
And I'm tired of food! That's a sign right there that I have just eaten so dang much lately. But isn't food the universal comfort when someone passes away? The thing that brings everyone together. Or drowning your sorrow in food? I think I'm beyond that point. Not quite ready to quit eating everything! LOL ;) I do like food. Just not right now.
I chopped my hair off this week. It's funny how you start to see patterns in your life. When things start to get kind of bad and I start to feel the signs and signals of depression, I chop my hair. Because well it needed it for one thing. But it's some sort of self appreciation thing? Usually when I get depressed it has something to do with my appearance. And by cutting my hair it makes me start to feel better about how I feel. So I found a wonderful new hairdresser who spent an hour and 15 minutes with me, teaching me how to style( ie blow dry) my hair and I ended up with a hairstyle that I didn't have to wash for 2 days! That was kind of nice. Until I blow dryed my hair today for the first time and realized I didn't have the little piece to go on my blow dryer to control the airflow. The piece I had went to my last blow dryer. :/ Dang it. Looks like I will be getting a new blow dryer soon if that's the case. I so happy that I found someone who knows how to cut short hair. I actually came out of there looking the closest to a picture that I took in.
My big thing this week is practicing the song I get to sing at my Grandpa's funeral on Saturday. He wanted Amazing Grace sung. Not sure the way that I'm gonna sing it ;) But I think it will be a good thing :) Now I just have to not look at any family member while singing it, so as to not start crying in the middle of it :) I worked on it a little bit after church today, but since I really haven't sang the song in 4 years, I'm a little rusty on it. :) Will be spending lots of time in my room singing this week HAHA!
The seasons are changing around here. Which seems to be a perfect time to make changes in other things. The next change I need to make is to start working out again. My knee has been killing me. Which shows me I've gained too much weight back and it's way beyond time to get serious again...
I have about had it up to my eyeballs this last week. With my mom having to go back to the doctor, to my grandpa passing away the same day, and then I had my sister in law in the emergency room TWICE with pain they couldn't figure out. Needless to say, I'm physically tired, emotionally tired and I'm ready for a break.
And I'm tired of food! That's a sign right there that I have just eaten so dang much lately. But isn't food the universal comfort when someone passes away? The thing that brings everyone together. Or drowning your sorrow in food? I think I'm beyond that point. Not quite ready to quit eating everything! LOL ;) I do like food. Just not right now.
I chopped my hair off this week. It's funny how you start to see patterns in your life. When things start to get kind of bad and I start to feel the signs and signals of depression, I chop my hair. Because well it needed it for one thing. But it's some sort of self appreciation thing? Usually when I get depressed it has something to do with my appearance. And by cutting my hair it makes me start to feel better about how I feel. So I found a wonderful new hairdresser who spent an hour and 15 minutes with me, teaching me how to style( ie blow dry) my hair and I ended up with a hairstyle that I didn't have to wash for 2 days! That was kind of nice. Until I blow dryed my hair today for the first time and realized I didn't have the little piece to go on my blow dryer to control the airflow. The piece I had went to my last blow dryer. :/ Dang it. Looks like I will be getting a new blow dryer soon if that's the case. I so happy that I found someone who knows how to cut short hair. I actually came out of there looking the closest to a picture that I took in.
My big thing this week is practicing the song I get to sing at my Grandpa's funeral on Saturday. He wanted Amazing Grace sung. Not sure the way that I'm gonna sing it ;) But I think it will be a good thing :) Now I just have to not look at any family member while singing it, so as to not start crying in the middle of it :) I worked on it a little bit after church today, but since I really haven't sang the song in 4 years, I'm a little rusty on it. :) Will be spending lots of time in my room singing this week HAHA!
The seasons are changing around here. Which seems to be a perfect time to make changes in other things. The next change I need to make is to start working out again. My knee has been killing me. Which shows me I've gained too much weight back and it's way beyond time to get serious again...
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 40
eeh. .6 pounds up today. I'm gonna be pretty honest. It's that time of the month for me as a girl. It's always a fun one when it comes on weigh in day. Not. Or the fact that I ate a box of girl scout cookies in two days. Or the coffee I'm having. Or maybe the ice cream. Yeah. I'm not really good at discipline right now. And I am starting to see the toll. Like the mini emotional breakdowns in my closet because I got rid of all my "bigger" clothes and now since I've been gaining weight again none of my clothes fit. It makes me wonder sometimes where the mutilate your own body by shoving massive amounts of food in it came in to play. Like who thinks of these things? How did it come to be? And how in the world did it start to become my pattern? Why did food become my turn to instead of God? I have never ever been one of the kind to starve myself or make myself throw up. But I can shove it down like no one's business. Which is quite frightening to think of after watching a Dr Oz show on binge eating. And how to stomach grew and they showed an x-ray of it. I freaked out. But it didn't quite stop me from eating. Although. I don't know if I would actually put me in the category of binge eating. I don't know. I usually don't sit and eat large quantities at one time. It's more like just eating all throughout the day. So it's kind of weird.
Honestly life is kind of hard right now. I've got my Mom recovering from surgery. I don't know if I've been the greatest help around this time, but I'm doing what I can. And I have to face the truth of the fact that I have another family member dying. The cancer has returned. The end is inevitable. I haven't had to face this road since 8 years ago when my Dad passed away from cancer. And you know what. I'm not looking forward to it. And food, like always is once again my coping mechanism. My I don't want to deal with this right now, so I'm going to just eat whatever the crap I want to to numb myself and make all the pain go away.
And the hardest part is knowing what I need to do and then simply not doing it. I know I need to make "me" time. The time where I tell everyone no and go do my working out. But I can only handle a dirty kitchen for so long, and there are times where I just have to cook dinner, and well there you go again. Yo yo up..yo you down.
So there's the ugly part of weigh loss. The part where it's not even happening. The part where I'm really just trying to make it through the day. And if that includes two lunches. Or 2 coffees a day it might happen. But eventually I have to get it back to an hour-long workout, a sense of accomplishment and about more 100 pounds gone.
And that's the balance I haven't been able to find yet.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in week 38
38 weeks. Where has this year gone? It's downright crazy to think that we are almost done with this year already. That's kind of how my mind works, we start hitting that cold weather and bam! The year is over. Haha..Twisted thinking...
I have been very very bad lately. Drinking coffeealmost every day. The problem is I don't have the stuff to make the coffee. So of course I have to buy it. And with all the money that I have spent on buying it, I could have just bought a bag of coffee, the syrup, and some sort of milk to go in it. *smacks forehead*. Then I could at least be making it at home.
I'm beginning to realize how big of an issue that dairy is for me. Only because I have been having a lot of it again lately with coffee and various ice cream runs. I am pretty sure it just like instantly bloats me. Which is a complete and utter shame because I LOVE milk. Which is probably why I've been having a hard time letting go of the coffee again. It's the only time I will have milk. Like I haven't sat down and had a glass of milk since I found out I was allergic to it. But I have had ice cream or frozen yogurt or coffee with milk in it :) It's so so hard to let go of something like that. I can tell the difference though.:/
I have been a good girl and stayed away from the peanuts. Now that's a miracle! I haven't had peanuts since July. Right at 3 months now. Oy. I gotta get cracked down on this milk and dairy again. The garlic has been hit and miss. I avoid it when I can. But it's an ingredient in almost everything known to mankind. Good grief! Things you wouldn't expect it to be in have it in there dang it! Haha. And I have gotten into a good routine of only eating beef 2x a week. That one is kind of easy. But I really have to plan for it however.
Having said all of that. I gained 1.6 pounds again. And its the choices I make in food. Now that I am back to school I really need to get settled back into a routine of eating and working out. I am really good at saying it. Now I really need to be good at doing it. If it's one thing I am learning this year about finishing what I start, it's that the process is more in my head. I am wanting it more than ever. I just need to figure out the applying process and I will be doing good :0)
I have been very very bad lately. Drinking coffee
I'm beginning to realize how big of an issue that dairy is for me. Only because I have been having a lot of it again lately with coffee and various ice cream runs. I am pretty sure it just like instantly bloats me. Which is a complete and utter shame because I LOVE milk. Which is probably why I've been having a hard time letting go of the coffee again. It's the only time I will have milk. Like I haven't sat down and had a glass of milk since I found out I was allergic to it. But I have had ice cream or frozen yogurt or coffee with milk in it :) It's so so hard to let go of something like that. I can tell the difference though.:/
I have been a good girl and stayed away from the peanuts. Now that's a miracle! I haven't had peanuts since July. Right at 3 months now. Oy. I gotta get cracked down on this milk and dairy again. The garlic has been hit and miss. I avoid it when I can. But it's an ingredient in almost everything known to mankind. Good grief! Things you wouldn't expect it to be in have it in there dang it! Haha. And I have gotten into a good routine of only eating beef 2x a week. That one is kind of easy. But I really have to plan for it however.
Having said all of that. I gained 1.6 pounds again. And its the choices I make in food. Now that I am back to school I really need to get settled back into a routine of eating and working out. I am really good at saying it. Now I really need to be good at doing it. If it's one thing I am learning this year about finishing what I start, it's that the process is more in my head. I am wanting it more than ever. I just need to figure out the applying process and I will be doing good :0)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Wednesday weigh in week 37
You know, Wednesday's really creep up on me! Before I know it, there it is Wednesday again and time to do another weigh in. I'm only up .5 a pound right now. Obviously I am doing a reaaaaallly good job at maintaining my weight. I haven't quite found my workout schedule again yet, and I've been eating crap. Which leads to crap. There ya go. I said it.
Right now I'm playing Mom again to my little brothers. My mom is having surgery again tomorrow morning, to fix the boo-boo the doctor did last time she had surgery. But instead of if being in the town I live in, she had to go 2.5 hours away because of the doctor. So it's not like we can just pop in and see her. :( Which puts me in Mom duty for a while. So instead of being able to jet off to the park after work and go walking or running I get to leave work early to pick them up from school and go home and supervise and make dinner and attempt at keeping the house clean. And pretty honestly this is what made my world come crashing down in May when she had her last surgery. I basically haven't worked out much since then. I lost my groove. And it's so so hard to get back into it once it's gone.
I feel like I have started over so much this year. It kind of feels like I have mentally lost. I absolutely don't feel like I have finished what I started. I feel like I failed again. Another year. And yes. I do have 4 months left. But it's nowhere near where I wanted to be at this time. Part of me is disappointed that I didn't get rid of all my "big" winter clothes because I "wasn't" going to need them. Here I am back around the same size as I was last year. In the same clothes that are absolutely driving me crazy.
It's really an interesting thought to think: Why isn't that enough to motivate me back into working out and eating healthier? Why is it that when everything falls apart (so to speak) or things don't go the way I think they should; why do I automatically turn to food and not to God? And for heaven's sake it's not broccoli and apples I crave, it's all the stuff that I eat that I found out I'm allergic to. Which of course makes my body react, and there you go with me holding on my body weight and not losing. Or lose and gain the same 3 pounds for 2 months. I still haven't had that A-ha moment where it clicks. And life changes permanently.
Hello? A-ha? Where are you?
Right now I'm playing Mom again to my little brothers. My mom is having surgery again tomorrow morning, to fix the boo-boo the doctor did last time she had surgery. But instead of if being in the town I live in, she had to go 2.5 hours away because of the doctor. So it's not like we can just pop in and see her. :( Which puts me in Mom duty for a while. So instead of being able to jet off to the park after work and go walking or running I get to leave work early to pick them up from school and go home and supervise and make dinner and attempt at keeping the house clean. And pretty honestly this is what made my world come crashing down in May when she had her last surgery. I basically haven't worked out much since then. I lost my groove. And it's so so hard to get back into it once it's gone.
I feel like I have started over so much this year. It kind of feels like I have mentally lost. I absolutely don't feel like I have finished what I started. I feel like I failed again. Another year. And yes. I do have 4 months left. But it's nowhere near where I wanted to be at this time. Part of me is disappointed that I didn't get rid of all my "big" winter clothes because I "wasn't" going to need them. Here I am back around the same size as I was last year. In the same clothes that are absolutely driving me crazy.
It's really an interesting thought to think: Why isn't that enough to motivate me back into working out and eating healthier? Why is it that when everything falls apart (so to speak) or things don't go the way I think they should; why do I automatically turn to food and not to God? And for heaven's sake it's not broccoli and apples I crave, it's all the stuff that I eat that I found out I'm allergic to. Which of course makes my body react, and there you go with me holding on my body weight and not losing. Or lose and gain the same 3 pounds for 2 months. I still haven't had that A-ha moment where it clicks. And life changes permanently.
Hello? A-ha? Where are you?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Wednesday Weigh in Week 29
So. It appears that my weight keeps going the wrong direction. Isn't it supposed to go the other way? I mean I have many reasons that I can blame this on, and they could probably be all legitimate. I really have been slacking on my water intake. Which is probably really affecting me. I probably have had less than 3 cups a day for the past week or so. Which isn't the greatest in 100 degree + weather. Blah. And seeing that it's been that hot I haven't even bothered to exercise. I really need to get back into a morning routine of just doing what I can in the house. By the time the afternoon and evening comes around I'm too tired/busy to actually get a workout in. Plus I am not going running in 100 degrees. It's around 11 at night right now and it's a good 80 degrees. I would actually love to go on a run. But I don't go running after dark.
So my appointment is tomorrow to figure out if I have any food allergies. I already got a phone call from them telling me that my gluten and candida tests both came back negative. In a weird way I was slightly disappointed. I mean I honestly know I feel better when I am not eating the gluten. But then since I've found out I'm not allergic to it, all I have eaten is gluten since it's been "off limits". I almost wished it would have been positive so I would have had a "reason" to not have it. I have such an irritating way of being all or nothing. And it shows both positively and negatively. So here's to finding out tomorrow if there is anything I am allergic to and what I get to do about it. :0)
We are on our 4th day of 100+ heat. And it isn't supposed to be under 100 till Friday. It feels like our summer came! I don't even remember having this many days over 100 last summer, let alone 4 days in a row. At least it's a nice dry heat and I don't feel so stuffy. We did have this amazing lightning storm the other day. I love to sit and watch those. I personally feel like it was better then the 4th of July show we had at my house ;)
Monday, March 19, 2012
A sick day and comfort food
I have been just so exhausted lately that I don't know what to do with myself. It finally caught up to me today and I ended coming home early from work. I do not handle children well when I am exhausted. I don't like being a mean teacher. So I came home. And slept from 12:00-5. Geesh. I hope I can fall back asleep soon and sleep all night. I kept waking up last night. I know when my eyes are burning that it was time to shut it down for the day LOL. So that's what I did.
And then I had macaroni and cheese and a corn dog tonight. Both things I shouldn't be eating. But feeling a little sick, those are great comfort foods. So we shall be seeing how my stomach feels tomorrow eating foods that I haven't had in 3 months. Macaroni and cheese every three months isn't that bad is it?
Other than that I am about to go find some sheets and make my bed and get ready to crawl back into it. I ended up skipping the run that I was going to do today instead of tomorrow because I was so tired. But I am going to have to change my running schedule around. But not tonight. Right now it's time to go back to bed.
Right after I make it.
And then I had macaroni and cheese and a corn dog tonight. Both things I shouldn't be eating. But feeling a little sick, those are great comfort foods. So we shall be seeing how my stomach feels tomorrow eating foods that I haven't had in 3 months. Macaroni and cheese every three months isn't that bad is it?
Other than that I am about to go find some sheets and make my bed and get ready to crawl back into it. I ended up skipping the run that I was going to do today instead of tomorrow because I was so tired. But I am going to have to change my running schedule around. But not tonight. Right now it's time to go back to bed.
Right after I make it.
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