Goals for January

Well..I have some goals

I did this two ways...just every day goals..things I will actually be able to accomplish ;) And then I made the workout calendar. Haha..That one might get some tinkering done with. And well you can see that on my Birthday not only will I be at college, I will then be going to the gym for a lovely session of C25K which I seem to be eternally starting over. Dag nab it. I am surely to get my 250 pounds of self into a runner. And it will surely help me in getting ready for Bloomsday. Yes I said that word. The biggest 12k fun run in the state if not in the US? I'd have to check on that. I made a verbal commitment to do it this year with two of my cousin's on my Dad's side. Now that being the beginning of the month I would like to think about moving out in, and the month before I want to be in California for two weeks for a class at a church I don't know if it will happen. But I am going to train for it. Especially if I get to do it with them :0) And it's less than 20.00 to register for, so I'm sure I will be ok...

So here they are :0) My goals

 

~Dairy Free/Gluten Free (1 milk coffee a week)

~Try 2 new foods this month to be determined

~Complete workout sheet

~Register for Bloomsday (May 4th)

~Research School of Worship for July at Bethel

~Make bed every day

~Get CD’s transferred to external hard drive by end of month

~Set aside time to read Bible, pray, worship daily
~Take care of my feet every day, whether its washing or soaking or putting a treatment on. Get these toes cleared up in 2014!!

~Stay off of the scale

So some of these are easy peasy. Like Registering for Bloomsday and making my bed. I mean really how hard is it to straighten out my comforter and make it look nice. Pretty hard apparently. I can't ever seem to do it. Unless I know someone that doesn't live in my house is going to be coming in my room. Then I make sure to do it. I'm really just lazy. That's all there is to it. 

And yes. For now I'm planning on treating myself to Dutch Bros Coffee the night of my college class. I will see how it starts affecting my stomach and go from there. I can't be running out of the class every week to go to the bathroom..so we shall see. 

I need to be serious about dairy free. I need to be serious about gluten free. My body is just so bloated. And I'm wondering if this eternal headache isn't from food and not the stagnant air warning that we are having. Those two right there are going to be the hardest goals to accomplish. I know that for sure.

I figured 2 new foods a month would be good to try. This is another thing I'm pretty leery about. But if I have to cut the majority of what I eat out of my life I'm gonna have to be adding stuff into it. So it's just going to have to happen whether I want it to or not. 

I just need to have a deadline for getting my cd's transferred to my hard drive. Ok. I have over 300 cd's that just take up room in my room. It's time for them to go digital and disappear. Well most of them. Some of them I'm going to keep (like the Christmas ones for sure) but the others unless they are signed or special things I'm planning on getting rid of. I don't even have a cd player anymore unless you count my computer. So the reasoning for me to keep them is really gone. It's really kinda sad. I was a die-hard CD girl. I didn't like going digital. I love opening the covers and seeing the lyrics and reading them cover to cover. But they just aren't the same anymore..and they are cheaper online. So I have caved. Plus I just don't have room to store over 300 cd's that I don't listen to anymore. Some people collect movies. I collected CD's :) I'm not much of a movie girl. I probably own less than 25 movies. And that might be generous. ;)

And to be honest, I haven't had success in the last couple of years at establishing a quiet time with the Lord routine. And I so desperately need to get a routine back. And this is the year it will happen :0)

So there you have it. My goals for January. I think at this point I'm only going to take it one month at a time. I can set my mind to do anything for 4 weeks. And that will keep it fresh and exciting. And it will keep me having to come up with more things to plan for. So yeah. There it is :0)

 

Wednesday weigh in Week 104

Well. I've made the decision that I will no longer be doing Wednesday Weigh ins.  In fact this is going to be my last Wednesday Weigh in because heck...who really wants to weigh themselves on Christmas morning!

The other morning I was coaching a friend, when really I was preaching to the choir like I like to do so well. She was scared about getting to her goal weight and then worried about gaining it all back. She has done amazing and really has like 2 or 3 pounds to go before hitting goal. Maintenance scares her. I spent some time telling her that the number on the scale doesn't define her. She can't live her life in fear of gaining all her weight back because that's what will happen. We go where we look. So if all she is doing is living in fear of gaining it back then that's what she will do. But if she lives her life and stays within her points and works out to maintain what she has lost, well then barring any weird medical reasons she should be fine. To LIVE. To not be obsessed over the scale and food. You know. That sort of pep talk :0)

And then I spent the next hour applying this to my life. I'm pretty sure we do the best thinking in the bathtub right? And that's where I decided it was time to be changing this blog up. I've been blogging for 2 years now. Pretty faithfully at least once a week. ;) And well I think I've gained and lost and gained and lost and somehow I think I am about 3 pounds heavier than what I started with 2 years ago. So posting my weight isn't really doing anything for me right now. Weight loss isn't really happening. And my life seems to be suffering.

So I'm taking the year off.

I went this summer without weighing myself. And I really enjoyed it. Haha..of course. I learned that I still need accountability. But it was nice to not feel like I was controlled by the number on the scale.

So my rough draft plan is to weigh myself on the 31st of December 2013, and then not weigh myself again until January 1, 2015. (WOAH. I just wrote that! That seems weird).

Now do I expect to lose weight. Oh absolutely.

But what I want to really do is shift my life around. I have spent much of my adult life OBSESSING over losing weight. I have let it control every aspect of my life on whether I do or don't do things,and  on who I think of myself as. I see the number on the scale. I see the fat girl. I see someone who at times I can't stand to be around so why should anyone else. I have become so inwardly focused on losing weight that I really haven't done much else with my life.

So that's what 2014 needs to be about. Re-prioritizing my life.

That doesn't mean that I'm not going to forgo exercising and learning how to eat healthier. Those are very much going to be goals. They just aren't going to be the focus of my life. I'm going to sit down and make some monthly goals of things that don't pertain to weight and I want to do what my blog is all about: Finishing what I start. It's more than weight. I need to learn how to get myself off of the foods that I'm allergic to. I need to figure out how to get my toenails cleared up. I need to figure out how to lower my debt so I can move out into my own apartment. I need to figure out a schedule so I can continue going to school and getting a degree.

There is more to life than weight loss. And I am going to spend my 2014 doing that. So the blog will be different in January. Opening my life up to other goals that I need to accomplish. I might be a little more boring. Or I might not...you never know ;) It's time to restart life without a scale. Without my life depending on that number. Now I might go the whole year and not lose anything. Well that would suck. Not gonna lie. But if I end up happier and mentally healthier than that would be worth it in the end. I wanna see some goals checked off my list next year. And I believe that this is the way to do it. Some things happen for a season. And there might be a season when Wednesday weigh ins come back. And that would be great. Or it might be retired for good. Who knows. I have a year to figure that out.

Can you lose weight long term and not weight yourself? I have no idea. But I'm about to find out. It's going to be an interesting year for sure. But I am looking forward to it. I'm ready for a change, and I think this will be good for me.

So stick around and see what happens? :0)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 78

Well today's weigh in could go either way depending on which picture I wanted to choose. The first picture I took, after weighing myself 3 times to get the same number ;) was 243.8 meaning I would have gained almost a pound. For whatever reason this morning I decided to weigh myself again and then got 242.8 meaning I would have lost .2 pounds.

But it's what happened next that scared me. You see, since we moved I have been keeping my scale in my bedroom because I share a bathroom now, and I don't want the boys to be playing with it. Well I ended up dropping it. Which freaked me out because it's a glass scale. So I had this moment of "Oh my gosh, did I just break my scale?" I immediately got back on it and weighed myself again to see if the numbers had changed at all...it did weigh me slightly less than what I had just weighed myself.

But it really got me thinking about my dependance on the scale. Now I would sit here and tell you that the number doesn't mean anything and blah blah blah. But honestly does it control my life? Yeah. Am I happy on days that the number is :"low" and do I internally beat myself up on the days that the number is "high"? You betcha. And the thought of terror that I had broken it really sent me into thinking this morning.

I need a break from the scale.

But hear me out on this. I'm not saying I'm taking a break from losing weight. Because here is where the experiment comes into play. I want to see about losing weight, and not relying on the scale for my justification or approval. I'm not going to let a 3 digit number determine my happiness for the day. Or for the week. I don't want to bust my butt working out (I will be there soon again :0) ) And eat great and feel great about what I did, only to look at the number on the scale and have it tell me I gained weight and negate all that work I did.

So I think my summer Wednesday Weigh in's are going to be more under the category of the accountability of how many workouts I did the last week, and how many cups of water I drank every day. And did I try a new food? And what was my biggest accomplishment of the week? I'm not even going to measure myself. I want to see my body change and feel it in my clothes. That's the kind of weight loss that I want this summer!

I can't let the number 243 define me. It might be what I currently weigh, but it's not who I am. Yeah, socially and culturally it might say something. But I have got to stop believing the lie that it's who I am and that's never going to change. I have to stop choosing to let my emotions run away with the number. I'm ready for this experiment. And I think it's been a long time coming :)

On a side note, I got my new running shoes today. I had ordered them this weekend, and much to my surprise when he opened the box to show me, they had shades of purple in them!! I'm sure you don't realize how exciting this is to me. See since my shoes are 2E in width, I normally don't stand a chance of getting a cute pair of running shoes. It's generally the gray/blue or the gray/white that I end up with. So much kudos to Brooks shoes and their availability of the purple on my shoes. It totally made my day. Plus they rang up 11.00 cheaper than what they should have been. SO Kudos to Runner's Soul too ;)

And I surprisingly also managed to find a pair of 7 1/2 wide sandals at Payless shoes that actually fit me! Now I could have gotten away with a 7 but the closest pair was over an hour away. So you better bet that 7 1/2 came home with me ;) I haven't been able to fit into their shoes in years! Since I worked there. But for some reason I think this style of shoe was wider and it fit my width wonderfully. I am excited for a summer pair of sandals that aren't flip flops. They are a little more casual/dressy. But I will take it! They are still an excellent summer shoe! And I am excited to wear them.

So here's to a new adventure. One that I am hoping for great success with :)

Wednesday Weigh in Week 53

Alrighty Steph. There ya go, Week 53 ;)

Well Christmas is over and done with. Man the day after Christmas sometimes seems like a major letdown! You have this giant build up to Christmas and deadlines and making sure all the presents are bought (or at my house made) and wrapped and food is made and then it happens. And then you wake up the day after Christmas. And you eat all your Christmas candy to "get rid of it" because January 1st is coming you know, and there is a New Year's resolution just waiting to be made and broken. I mean I literally have consumed way more amounts of sugar today than a person should. Well actually I have consumed way more in the past 3 days. No wonder I have a headache right now. This sugar coma is going to be a doozy to get rid of.

But I did manage to get up this morning and weigh myself before the boys got out of bed. I *only* gained .6 pounds last week. Which brings my year end total to 12 pounds.

12 pounds.

That's not exactly Finishing What I Start. But I am fully aware of my actions and I am not really making any excuses for them. I didn't workout like I should have and I didn't eat like I should have. And there you go. I didn't lose weight. Although ironically enough 12 pounds is 10% of what I really wanted to lose.

I did learn a lot about myself this year though.

I learned I do really good with deadlines and goals. I had a goal to lose weight by a friend's wedding in March and I did that. But once the wedding came and I "cheated" on my eating, I never did get back eating right the rest of the year. And once again, I will be losing weight for a wedding. Though I'm not in it, I am attending it ;) And that's still the same.

I learned that I am a HUGE stress eater. When I don't know how to control things and circumstances come up that there is nothing I can do about them, I will eat. And eat. And eat. I will eat to deal with things too. Food has always been my turn to comfort. It's always been there. Even in secret. I ate due to circumstances that were beyond my control and the food was the only thing I could control. It's like I punish myself with food. It seems like it would be a reward. But a lot of times it was just how much food can I shove in my mouth before I forget about my problems...

I learned that I am allergic to a lot of foods. Which is horrifying. Because it's all foods that I love. So all this food I love is hurting my body and I still continue to eat it. Because I can't seem to give it up. Well the peanuts I  gave up immediately. I haven't had peanut butter anything since July of this year. That number was so off the charts scary I have no idea how I wasn't sick from it. But giving up milk, cheese, and ice cream and eggs is like a big sad thing. I have to learn how to say No and stick with it. And I just might see my body change.

BUT.

I also learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I started the Couch to 5k not once, but twice this year. The first time I did it all the way completely without missing a day. The second time I actually skipped the last two weeks almost and just got straight to running for 30 minutes. When I was really doing well I was running consistently 3 times a week. And that's good for me! Just changing and running right after work was a really good time for me. Except now. LOL. Now I get off work at 3:30 and it's getting dark by 4:15. Not enough time to get my runs in :/
 I actually enjoy the plan I made for my Bloomsday training, I just need to get back to it and stick to it. (Which I will be doing as soon as I get my gym cleaned up. It turned into extra craft room this year and has sawdust all over it because we were cutting wood inside because it was too windy outside. Now there is a layer of sawdust everywhere :/)

I learned that I kinda sorta like to run. It's definitely good me time. I have learned however that living in the desert it's hard to find a good time to run that I'm not running in 90+ weather. I had very good intentions over the summer, but I can't get up and go in the mornings when I have the boys and my mom is already at work. So we might have to work something out this summer. We will see. Spring and Fall running was amazing. Haven't made it out a whole lot this winter, but now that I have my new Garmin, I will be getting out there more. Nothing like a new toy to get you re-motivated. As well as signing up for Bloomsday. I gotta talk to my buddies and make sure it's still a go. I know none of us have been following the plan hardly at all. But there is still 5 months to go, and I know I will be ready by then :)

So the goal over the next few days is to not continue to beat myself up mentally over not completing my goal. I am lighter slightly than I was last year. And that's good. I just need some determination to stick around and the willpower to accomplish what I want to. January is the time of year where I get all hard core about this. And then I usually taper off about March. So the goal is to make it through to April :) And beyond. The magic number every month is 9 LOL! 9 pounds a month. Seems so easy peasy on paper. I just need it to be easy peasy in life. I will of course be coming up with some new goals. I know I am going to have to make eating goals and working out goals every month to make this work for the next year. But I am a goal maker for sure. I just need to be a goal finisher..

Finishing the goal. Finishing what I start. Still happening.

<3

Bloomsday Training week 1

Hmm. I wish I knew a whole lot more about blogs and I could creatively show you my new training plan for Bloomsday next year.

See I was chatting with a friend. And we were talking about a local 5k that was coming up next month, and did we want to train for it and do it. Well right now the cost of races really stops me from doing anything. I'm just broke. constantly. Ok? And we jokingly were talking about the 12k race that we have done before(Bloomsday), and saving our money for entering that one. It's pretty much a 7.46 miles fun run with a t-shirt. It kinda blows my mind sometimes to think that I have done it 4 times. What can I say besides I'm a glutton for punishment? I mean it literally takes about 2.5 hours for us to WALK it. And that's not including potty breaks.

But back to the story. I was saying that we pretty much had 30 weeks(when we were talking about it) to train for it. And well yeah, that's over half a year away. I was all gung-ho and she was hesitant. I talked about how we could start our C25K training over and then we could even train for a half marathon and then only doing 7.46 miles of that would seem like a snap! See? I can be really convincing :0)

She told me I was crazy.

I told her she could do it. And she doesn't give herself enough credit. And we could have a friend come up with a plan for us.

Ok. Let's try.

All the while I didn't know she was having this internal battle about the whole process. See she and I are very much alike. This whole year I've been trying to Finish what I start. I can do the race. Heck I've done it 4 years. But it's the whole training, and figuring out a plan, and actually sticking to it for the next 28 weeks that we can never seem to accomplish. We talk the talk, but we don't walk the walk. And so this time around it's the training and finishing the training that's going to seem like more of a success then actually finishing the race.

So I emailed a friend, and she came up with a 10 week plan for us, that was 10 weeks out from the race. So I ended up making a 28 week one to finish off getting us to that 10 week part. Starting over with C25k training and keeping up the momentum. We recruited another friend to join us, and another one following the plan in a another state and we have a plan!

So now it's game day! And of course. I'm sick. I mean it never fails does it? I come up with this amazing plan, and then I go and get sick. But since it's not in my chest yet, I still plan on doing a Walk away the pounds video here in a little while just to get me started. Man. I always say video. I started doing these when they were videos :-) Now they are DVD's but I will forever be calling them videos!

In essence the plan is to cross train and strength train on Mondays/Wednesdays; C25K (and eventually run) on Tuesdays/Thursdays/Saturdays; Stretching on Sundays; and have a complete rest day on Fridays. And then after the C25k training is done, we are going to incorporate hills on Thursdays because there is a lot of hills in this race. I thought this was genius thinking to do it the day before a complete rest day :0)

So here is a picture of the plan! It looks daunting. And yes. I did thumb tack it to my door so my entire family could see what I'm going to be doing for the next 28 weeks. I plan on highlighting or crossing off the days I have done to see what I do. I'm kind of excited!

28 weeks to go!

slightly too detailed?

Ok so I didn't realize deleting comments from my dashboard would completely delete them all from blog too. So no I didn't mean to delete all the comments? Lesson learned.

This morning I literally sat and planned out all my workouts until the end of the year. Detailed? Anal? Crazy? I don't know. LOL! I actually ended up doing it twice. grr. The first template I got was a legal sized paper and I couldn't get it to print out on letter correctly. SO then I got a different template and tried to copy and paste things. It wouldn't do it a week at a time, looked funky. Oh well. So I sat there and month by month copied and pasted all my workouts in.

As I should have been actually working out ;) Haha! Yeah, about that....

It was another crazy no workout week :( This is part of the reason that I actually sat down and figured out a schedule of working out, so I can just say hey, I'm busy until whatever time. I want to lose 98ish pounds by the end of the year. And I need a plan to do that or it wont be happening. So along with planning comes determination. This will happen this year. Even if I have to become incredibly anti-social for it to happen. Or if I happen to show up to different events all sweaty. That may have to start happening too. A lot of times I won't exercise because I don't think that I have enough time to shower and get redressed again before whatever I have to go to. For some reason in my head in the summer it will be easier to work out, but then again I'm sure I will have to talk myself out of trying to not workout in 90-100 degree weather. My plan was to be going in the middle of the day right after my mom gets home from work and I get done watching the boys. But that is actually only 2 days out of the week, 3 other days will be working out downstairs in the gym, and the last one is on Saturdays. And I can get up and get outside before it starts to get too hot on those days :)

So far the no coffee is going alright. I did end up with a headache yesterday, so i took one exederin. But today so far no headache. I did just have a slight, I wish I had a cup of coffee moment a few minutes ago, but I am gonna go fix some lunch and get over that moment. Haven't done a whole lot this morning, in fact I am still sitting in my PJ's.

Time to go find something to eat! My stomach is starting to growl. Have a great weekend!